A Failed Experiment in Googling (or, I’m in No Rush to See Django Unchained)

Pulp Fiction – “Leave that man’s butt alone!”

The only reason this entry isn’t #1 on the list is because this f**king clip can’t be the last thing I f**king think about before I go to bed. To be clear, I don’t f**king want to talk about this clip. I don’t f**king want to analyze this clip. And I sure don’t f**king recommend watching this clip. I’m just the messenger, dude, acknowledging its existence. httpv://youtu.be/3uNm-GwnDZ0 Oh God, I really, really hated Googling this goddamn clip. Planet Terror – “Oh hey, what up girl?” Whelp, no surprise here; Quentin has his “rape face” on.

On a related note, here at Unreality we writers populate these articles with pics that we research ourselves, and rest assured: no good can come from the Google search “planet terror quentin penis melt.”

From Dusk ‘Til Dawn – “So…come here often?”

Goddamn it, more rape face. Listen, this movie is badass, and when I saw it for the first time at the age of something-teen, I thought I was just watching the most f**ked-up George Clooney robbery movie ever. Then the vampire stuff happened. But Jesus Christ, Quentin is still the creepiest part of this movie for me. Probably because of the pedophile stuff. Just a guess.

OK, you know what? F**k this.


TJ: Paul, I can’t do it.

P: Can’t do what?

TJ: It. This. I can’t keep going with this list, man. It’s too soul-crushing. I can’t finish it. I haven’t even gotten to Inglorious Basterds yet.

P: Ha! I thought you were a huge Tarantino fan or something.

TJ: I am, but come on. Penis-melting stuff. And this Absinthe is hardcore.

P: OK, I’ll let you stop this list, but you have to promise me one thing.

TJ: Done and done.

P: This is the last time you write words and drink Absinthe simultaneously. I’m serious this time.

TJ: Ugh, fine.


  • GrandWazoo

    Do you think you used the word “fuck” enough? You really know how to write an article that makes people want to stop reading within 100 words. As an FYI, the “conversation between a writer and Paul” trope that this site seems to be relying heavily on nowadays is really a pain in the ass to read. We get that you write for Unreality, there is no need to constantly throw out Paul’s name. You have the job, sucking up is moot now.

  • slogan

    I’m going to have to respectfully disagree with GrandWazoo on this one. I actually found the article to be amusing. I agree sometimes the F-bomb being dropped too often can shut some people off from finishing an article. But I didn’t think it was used more than was necessary for the purpose of the article, which created an anecdote on top of providing a list. I also enjoy the conversation style of article as it provides a break from the paragraph after paragraph style of articles that fill the website. I enjoyed the article and sort of real conversational type of style these lists have. That’s just my opinion though.

  • Paul is just such a cipher wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a mystery. He trafficks in one-word answers to our pitches and single sentence emails: “Hey, don’t say ‘f***’ so much.” We can’t help but insert him as a character into our pieces.

    And hey Teej, I meant for you to find your own absinthe, not abscond with all of mine. Fail. Again.

    • @Sarah

      You’ve said too much.

      I must go.

  • TJ Fink

    My bad, @Sarah. But you, on the other hand. ‘Absinthe’? ‘Abscond’? As a lover of alliteration, you win at life, madam.

    And everything you say about @Paul is true. He’s the editor I need, and probably more patient than the editor I deserve…

  • Tycen

    why would anyone “respectfully disagree” with GrandWazoo? I havent seen him be anything but an asshole on no less than 3 articles that i have read just this morning. i very disrespectfully disagree with you, GrandWazoo, and think you suck big time

  • slogan


    Mainly because I believe in the discussion of opposing viewpoints and try to avoid name calling or negativity at costs. I do not believe that accomplishes anything.

    Also because I had not yet seen any other comments by GrandWazoo. Now that I have I would have to say your points are valid. I also hereby modify my original comment to read “I disrespectfully disagree.”

  • You know why you have an introduction? It’s so people know what they are reading. Otherwise they have to go by the title.

    This article had eff-all to do with Django Unchained, but seemed to be about some argument with your editor and a list of really well-known Tarantino scenes. – Seriously, get your act together and write properly.