Archive for the 'Uncategorized' Category

Jun 10 2014

“While You Were Sleeping” is the Most Frightening Movie We All Ignored


Sometimes disbelief can only be suspended so much.

I hate when moviegoers chide whatever Hollywood outing they see before them because of meaningless minutiae. The people who give Batman movies crap when they don’t show who constructed the Batcave. The folks who get FURIOUSLY angry when Kitty Pryde just happens to have…time travel psychic powers?  Anyone who has ANY problem with the Back to the Future trilogy.

To me, those audience members are missing the whole point of going to the movies: escapism. We’re trying to get away from the real world when the lights go down, and if you’re too busy bitching about the plausibility of Toy Story 3, just stay home.

But there was always one movie that I couldn’t quite shake. One premise that always sang a sour note in an overall positive world of cinema symphonies. One film that was cute at first, odd when you really thought about it, and terrifying when you realized what it really meant.

Pour yourself some black coffee and stay awake with me, Unrealtors, because you don’t want to know the horrors of what might happen…while you were sleeping. Continue Reading »

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Jun 10 2014

Ranking the Badass Films (and Episodes) of Neil Marshall

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So, Neil Marshall rocked the house again in this week’s Game of Thrones. First “Blackwater,” now “The Watchers on the Wall.” He may be at risk of becoming a default choice for the creative team on that show. “So, we have this giant battle epis–” “GET NEIL.”

Still, if he gets stuck in that role it’s only because he’s a damn fine director. Despite not being anything approaching a household name, Neil Marshall has been one of the most reliable action directors in the biz over the past decade or so. Where most action cinema is moving towards weightlessness and incoherence, Marshall is getting better and better at delivering story-driven action that delivers weight and clarity.

So, in honor of “The Watchers on the Wall,” we’re going to sit down and rank his entire filmography. You’ll never guess what makes the top slot! Okay, yes, it’s The Descent. But, uh… you’ll never guess where Game of Thrones winds up!

(Also, I can’t care to check out Black Sails, so those in the know should weigh in below and tell me where that one belongs.)

Continue Reading »

2 responses so far

Jun 05 2014

The Final Countdown: Tom Cruise, Commercial Things and Watch Dogs vs. GTA

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tom cruise

Go here to see how amazing Tom Cruise is at the box office.

“In fact, as a critic, Tom Cruise films are some of the most difficult to write, if only because we know that positive reviews — and by and large, that’s what Tom Cruise movies receive — are going to be met with hostility from readers and commenters who judge his films based on their relationship with Tom Cruise.”

The Countdown

Four things commercials will never show you – [Cracked]

How Watch Dogs could dethrone Grand Theft Auto – [Insert Coin]

Ranking the ghosts from Ghostbusters – [FilmDrunk]

Honest video game titles – [GeeksAreSexy]

Darren Aronofsky behind new HBO show – [TVO]

When an engineer owns a dog – [Neatorama]

The headline of the day – [WWIW]

A few nostalgic pictures for you – [Caveman]

Obama filmed working out – [TheBlemish]

A wimpy goat goes for the gold – [theChive]

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Jun 05 2014

Zero Charisma: The Passion of the Geek

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A recent trend in filmmaking and television is attempting to capture the essence of nerd culture by telling stories of role-playing. It can be either pen-and-paper or live action. Community did it, as did Supernatural, Paul Rudd and Sean William Scott starred in Hollywood’s Role Models, and a slew of independent films like Knights of BadassdomGamerz, and The Gamers: Dorkness Rising have come around in the last decade to finally bring the nerdiest of nerdy activities out of the darkness of parents’ basements and into the light.

The best of these that I’ve seen is Zero Charisma. Out of all of the RPG portrayals, I think this one really cuts to the heart of geek culture by contrasting the classic neckbeard stereotype and inaccessible passion that fuels our love of the fantastic with modern sensibilities and social acceptance. It also has a wickedly clever title.

How does somebody who has been shunned their entire life deal with the modern concept of a cool nerd? The word “geek” originates from carnival sideshows where a performer would do things like biting the heads off of live chickens. This implies that the very act of being a geek should be revolting and bizarre to normal people, and for most of my life it was so. There were no Felicia Days, Peter Dinklages, or Summer Glaus for us back in the day; just asthma, endless allegations regarding our sexual preferences, and unhealthy fixations on Slave Leah. Continue Reading »

2 responses so far

May 23 2014

Happy Memorial Day Weekend!

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memorial day

Cutting the day a bit short as I’m heading out of town. Enjoy the holiday, Americans, and remember those who have served on your behalf. We’ll be back on Tuesday!

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May 23 2014

This Week In Movie Trailers!

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What? It’s Friday already? Woa! Did your week just disappear out of nowhere like mine did? Regardless, that means it’s time for This Week In Movie Trailers! , in which we have a bunch of movies that I never knew were in production as well as a second trailer to a movie that I absolutely cannot wait to see for some reason. So with that, let’s get to it! Continue Reading »

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May 22 2014

Rebel Without a Clue: The Rise and Fall of Deadpool

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This month I reached another depressing comic book milestone. I received my last issue from Marvel Comics for the foreseeable future. It was issue 27 of the latest solo book from my favorite comic book character, the Merc with a Mouth, Deadpool. Reading it was a bittersweet experience (which I’ll get to later), but the title was on the bubble for over a year and issues would occasionally collect unread on my shelf for months before I could be bothered with them, which is a sure sign that I’m not really feeling a series anymore.

It wasn’t always like this. Marvel comics used to be good, and Deadpool was the goodest. I discovered Wade Wilson around the time I started getting really into comics as an adult beyond the occasional graphic novel, about ten years ago. Fans will note this was around the time Cable and Deadpool was a thing, but I started checking out his solo run first, eventually deciding to include Cable and Deadpool in my inaugural list of online comic subscriptions.

Deadpool comics were unlike anything else on the market. You’ve got an immortal (Weapon X injected him with Wolverine’s healing factor in an attempt to cure his cancer) protagonist antihero who works almost exclusively for profit as an assassin, is possibly schizophrenic and certainly twisted and psychotic, compulsively talks trash in an almost constant stream, and has a complete disregard for…pretty much everything and everyone. It was a combination of black humor, badass comic book violence, and absurdist satire that regularly broke the fourth wall in ways that most comics would never attempt to do, much less get away with. This character was the inside of my brain in comic book form.

In his heyday, Wade Wilson wielded Mjolnir (sort of) and used it to parody Grey Poupon commercials and deliver a suitable rendition of KISS’ God of Thunder among other fun things. He waxed nostalgic about old-school GI Joe action figures while slaughtering hapless baddies, he found out he wasn’t who he thought he was (maybe) and criticized his own writers for their handling of it, dragon-punched Kitty Pryde (complete with “shoryuken” cry), made out with the incarnation of Death, lusted after Golden Girls, was cursed with the face of Tom Cruise, traveled back in time to a classic Spider-Man issue to offer some harsh commentary, and generally made the Marvel Universe his bitch. Continue Reading »

2 responses so far

May 20 2014

You Really Should Give A Listen To…Volume 2


Have your ears been lonely? Headphones collecting dust? Well perk up your iPhones, Unrealtors, time for another edition of You Should Really Give A Listen To…

Today we’ll be highlighting three podcasts you may not have heard of, but ones you hopefully won’t regret pressing play with. Continue Reading »

One response so far

May 19 2014

Hannibal Review: “Tome-wan”


“Tome-wan” opens with a handful of fascinating conversations. But that’s not what you’re going to remember about it. What you’re going to remember is that scene.

Hannibal, the show, tends to portray violence as some sort of grotesque art installation. Despite the terrifying nature of what happens to the bodies in each episode, murder and mutilation are rarely played as pure horror. (Allow exceptions like that poor bastard who ripped himself out of the mural in this season’s second episode.)

In “Tome-wan,” though, Fuller and his crew take the plunge. There’s nothing particularly beautiful about the things covered in blood this time around, and it’s possible as much blood is spilled in this episode as in any that came before.

Continue Reading »

3 responses so far

May 13 2014

The Morning Link: Things Movies Get Wrong About Everyday Jobs

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“We get it, Hollywood likes to take liberties with certain aspects of everyday life to make films and television more entertaining. Unfortunately, though, some of those fictions have managed to escape into reality, so much so we accept it as fact.”

Go here to see the list.

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May 12 2014

Hannibal Review: “Ko No Mono”

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Well, to start off, that was one of the strongest cold opens we’ve seen on the show so far. It scores the hat trick of classic Hannibal: a dream sequence, a meal, and a crime scene, and it hits them in mutha-flippin style.

Between Will’s symbolic birth from the stag, the rare delicacy of birds swallowed whole, and Freddie Lounds’ burning corpse speeding in via wheelchair, “Ko No Mono” could have ended with the main titles and I’d feel like I got my money’s worth.

Fortunately, and obviously, it didn’t end there. Season 2’s been slow-burning more than it hasn’t, but things are really starting to pay off. It almost seemed like an episode of a different, more plot-driven show than Hannibal typically is. Thank whoever you need to thank that the show got renewed, because it seems like we’re in for some crazy stuff as we hit the end of the season.

Continue Reading »

7 responses so far

May 02 2014

A New Episode of WebCamelot: The Plague!

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Rob Rat

So, there was some slightly weird timing on my end getting last week’s episodes up, but WebCamelot is full steam ahead! If you need to catch up, here’s the link to the first two episodes. For everybody else, I hope you’ve been taking plenty of Vitamin C… because this week’s episode is about “The Plague”… no? Anybody?

Moving right along. “The Plague” sees this show sort of settling into a bit of a rhythm after the mania of the first two episodes. We have a brilliant addition to our cast with Francis the Priest, but other than that every face is a familiar one. Plus, you get to see us try to be silly about one of the most famous epidemics in Western history!

Hit our Youtube page for more cool stuff, or talk to us on Twitter!

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Apr 22 2014

Superman by Juan Doe

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Nothing to see here but a fantastic piece of Superman art by comic cover guru Juan Doe. I went to his site to see if I could buy a print of this, but this is what I found instead:

“Juan Doe is a science fiction anomaly residing within the cozy confines of an alternate reality. The images he creates are snippets of warp speed hallucinations colliding with the split second reactions to the cultural zeitgeist. A shamanistic orphan operating from the recesses of the imagination, his prophetic hand has led to the cultivation of global inspiration and artistic harmony. He represents those lost in the throes of strange universes and quantum dimensions and his experiments with the human psyche has produced a body of work that is the envy of all fitness gurus and workout champs. His art can be seen on the fringes of the Internet, the spotlight of advertorial commissions and the back alley of underground appreciation.”

I guess living anomalies don’t have online stores. That is, however, the best self-description I’ve ever seen anyone write.

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Apr 22 2014

Three Reasons Why RuPaul’s Drag Race is the Greatest Reality TV Competition of All Time


I hate reality.

Whenever I turn on the tube to escape the ho-humdrumming of modern life I’m always looking for a world as unlike my own as possible, but still speaking English (or with decent subtitles.) So whenever I see the proliferation of reality television out there my energy for entertainment drops drastically as I flip from channel to channel watching people wage war over cupcakes and crafts.

That was until I spent a day at the races.

You see, Unrealtors, there’s one reality tv show out there that breaks every mold “assisted” television has crafted…and looks freaking fabulous while doing so. That show is “RuPaul’s Drag Race”,  and today I’m going to convince you that it is not only the best reality tv show competition out there, but quite possibly of all time.

Gentlemen, start your engines, and may the best woman win. Continue Reading »

One response so far

Apr 21 2014

Game of Thrones Mini-Review: “Breaker of Chains”

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Alright, I’m traveling right now so I don’t quite have the time to do a lengthy review of last night’s episode. You all saw it, and so I’ll just jump straight into opening things up for discussion. Last night’s spoilers ahead.

Show people:

What do you make of the revelation that Littlefinger was behind the assassination? I thought it was well laid out considering he was practically the only character not seen in two episodes.

Do you think he acted alone or is anyone else involved?

Why is Cersei so stupid that she think Tyrion would poison Joffrey and stand there holding the damn goblet with a dumbfounded look on his face?

How will Tyrion worm his way out of this one? Or would George RR Martin really kill him? Continue Reading »

2 responses so far

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