When I finished Far Cry 3, I was actually sad. I had liberated every outpost, and activated every radio tower. I had done every hunting mission and killing mission. I had done EVERY SINGLE SIDE QUEST that was available. Truth be told, Far Cry 3 was the closest I had ever come to (willingly) getting 100% on a game of that size. And I did so because I LOVED the game. I just truly believe it is one of the games that got the “evolution into tough guy” just right. At the start of that game, you are weak and overwhelmed. But by the end, you are firing flaming arrows into camps, silently taking out guys from zip lines, and fighting tigers with your bare hands. You are literally a one man army. Add to that the fun Wonderland metaphors, and Far Cry 3 was just, pretty much a perfect game to me.

So imagine my pure bliss when I heard they were releasing a follow up, stand-alone to Far Cry 3 for fifteen bucks on Xbox live. The idea here is taking Far Cry 3 and placing it in a terrible 80′s sci-fi movie. You still have everything that made Far Cry 3 great,(minus the weapon crafting) but now you have an inch thick layer of cheese making the whole thing that much more enjoyable. While there are games you will play on Xbox live that are, technically, better. And there are games on Xbox live that push the medium much further than this game does, regardless of that, I, personally, have NEVER had as much fun with an XBLA game as I had with Blood Dragon. But you all NEED to understand something, if you were not raised on bad 80′s action and science fiction like I was, most of this will not make sense to you, and therefore, it will be half as enjoyable for you as it was for me. A fun game is here, no doubt, but if you don’t appreciate the B-movie sensibilities layered over Far Cry 3, you won’t enjoy this game. It is that very aesthetic and the fun Ubisoft has with it that makes Blood Dragon the massive, hulking beast of awesome that it is.

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I’ve seen Game of Thrones episodes end with stabbings, beheadings, glorious battles or terrible defeats. Even a horrifying wedding proposal, as seen last week. But this time, on a very special Game of Thrones, we cut to black with Jon and Ygritte kissing over a sprawling Westeros on top of the wall. If there are any other more “happy endings” the show has used in 26 episodes so far, I can’t remember them.

But before we begin, as most of you know, I’ve recently embarked on a quest to read all the books. In my reviews since, I’ve sometimes mentioned the books in a non-spoilery way, talking about what is or isn’t different, and if it’s better or worse.

I’m getting the impression you guys don’t really like that for the most part, so going forward I’m probably going to shy away from mentioning the books altogether. I didn’t want to be one of those book know-it-alls, and I don’t really think I am. Rather, I just think it’s fun to compare the two, and more often than not, I think the show actually does a better job or storytelling, streamlining George RR Martin’s often cumbersome books into something more tightly packaged and easy to understand.

And a few great moments exist that weren’t even in the books at all. This week for example, we saw the absolute coldness of Littlefinger as he hands over his informer Ros to be butchered by Joffrey with his newfound crossbow, a continuation of episode two where Maergary wonders what it’s like to pull your trigger finger here, and watch something die over there. I know Joffrey has ordered the deaths of many, but isn’t this the first time he’s actually murdered someone himself?

In any case, that was a fantastic, chilling sequence not found in the books, off-ing a character who didn’t exist in the series at all. I just think it’s cool to point out where the story has actually been improved on, but I suppose I’ll stop if people are irritated with even a mere mention of the novels in any capacity. Let me know either way in the comments, I suppose. Continue Reading »

Another week, another Song of Ice and Fire book down. I’ve been enjoying my trek across the literary world of Westeros as much as I’ve liked the show, but I was a little scared to get to the fourth book, A Feast for Crows.

Everyone from Unreality commenters to Amazon reviews seemed to indicate that after A Storm of Swords, things go a bit downhill in Crows and its quasi-sequel A Dance with Dragons. What could have possibly gone so wrong to have sparked this sort of discomfort among fans?

The main issue with these next two books was told to me beforehand, but George RR Martin waits until the end of the novel to explain, which I would imagine confused a great deal of readers when the book was new.

He says that the book he wanted to write was simply too long, and he couldn’t fit it all together. And if something is too long for George “900 page minimum” Martin, you know it was pretty hefty. But that’s fine. That happens with stories some time. Pick a good break point and release two separate books, right?

Well, that’s not what Martin had in mind. Rather, he decided that he should tell the complete stories of only half the characters. He cherrypicked through the major characters and decided that ones like Cersei, Jaime, Arya, Sam and Sansa would be in this book, while Bran, Jon, Tyrion, Stannis and Daenerys would be in the next. Continue Reading »

0.5 out 5 stars

I’ve only been tempted to walk out of two movies in the past decade or so. The first was Transformers 2, an assault on my senses and intelligence so grievous, I simply could not handle three plus hours of it .

Now, I’m forced to add Pain and Gain to that list, another Michael Bay feature, as the man seems to have a talent for getting under my skin. Pain and Gain’s sins aren’t the same as Transformers. It’s not mindless, shapeless CGI action giving me a headache. Rather, it’s one of the most painful comedies I’ve ever seen.

Pain and Gain works so hard to be funny and almost never ever succeeds, creating a constant feeling of unease in the audience who forcibly blurts out a chuckle periodically like they’re being told to at gunpoint.  And again, with Michael Bay determined to make all of his films far longer than they need to be, what could have been a tight, smart hundred minute action comedy is instead two hours and ten minutes long, dragging out the agony for as long as possible.

The fault is Michael Bay’s, and Michael Bay’s alone. He has a great cast headlined by the universally likable Dwayne Johnson and the amiable-when-he’s-in-a-comedy Mark Wahlberg. But past that he has one of the most astonishing true crime stories I’ve ever heard of. Continue Reading »

by Joy Bossardet

Echoing the luster of True Blood’s groundbreaking first season, complete with a Skarsgard (one of Alexander’s many brothers, Bill), Netflix introduces Hemlock Grove.  While there are many similarities to horror-drama crossovers such as Twin Peaks and American Horror Story, I found this storyline genuinely entertaining, captivating, and not only a little disturbing, unlike AHS which failed to hold my interest beyond the first episode.  Part of Netflix’s new exclusive lineup, including House of Cards and the resurrected Arrested Development, this series is gaining notoriety thanks to director/producer Eli Roth (Hostel) and his insistence on pushing the bloody envelope of carnage and supernatural terror.

Based on the novel by Brian McGreevey, the 13-part series is set in the backwoods of steel-town Pennsylvania, ranging from a forgotten trailer park to a new-wealth American castle.  Although most appear as normal humans, there is no lack of monsters – gypsies, werewolves, upir (Russian vampires), mutants, zombies, angels – at this point, I’m just waiting for aliens to show up and round out the collection of beasties.  Throw in a few garden variety extramarital affairs, casual drug use and teen pregnancy and there’s your show.  Continue Reading »

Usually an episode of Game of Thrones will end with a cliffhanger pertaining to someone apparently about to meet their end, or better yet, actually dying. It’s those “gasp” moments that make the show so great, though we usually have to wait a long time between them.

But last night there was a different sort of gasp moment. One that has naught to do with heads rolling or dragon broiling. One that didn’t need any sort of violence at all to cause shock and awe among the audience. Continue Reading »

4 out of 5 stars

Not every sci-fi movie needs to be a franchise. While there’s a place for elaborately crafted worlds and scores of alien and human characters, not every movie needs to shoot for the moon, no pun intended. Not every movie has to be Star Wars or Star Trek.

In fact, many of the best sci-fi movies are ones that seek no sequels, and focus only on crafting a quality one-off story. Those films are ones like Sunshine, Moon, Gattaca, Children of Men, and will stand the test of time alongside any big name franchises.

I was pleasantly surprised to see Oblivion aiming to be included in the latter category, rather than the former. The trailers promise a big, explosion-focused Tom Cruise action blockbuster, but the actual film is much more intelligent than most will anticipate.

Cruise is Jack Harper, a janitor of the end times. He and his partner Victoria (Andrea Riseborough) are tasked with ensuring that Earth’s last days are as pleasant as possible before the citizens of the planet take their lives elsewhere. Years ago, there was an invasion by aliens who attempted to steal Earth from us as their own planet was dying. These “Scavengers,” as they’re called, eventually lost the war, but we had to blow up most the planet to ensure their destruction. Continue Reading »

As many of you probably know at this point, I’ve given in and started reading the Game of Thrones book series. This is partly because I don’t feel like dodging spoilers on the internet for the next five years, and also because they’re supposed to be just damn good books. And after two of them, that’s been proven true.

I’m about a third of the way through Storm of Swords and in an awkward position of being caught up with, ahead of and behind the show simultaneously. This is due to George RR Martin’s often non-time specific style, but also because they have to modify his mammoth books to fit the format of the show.

This obvious has to change my reviews somewhat going forward, and it’s likely going to take a while for me to find my footing. I’m definitely not going to spoil anything for anyone, but I also don’t want to be one of those book know-it-alls either who thinks everything about the novels is just infinitely better. But I will likely mention comparisons to the book from time to time when appropriate.

All this said, this was one HELL of an episode, certainly my favorite of the season, and possibly one of the best to date. It’s hard to know where to begin, as the show likes to now cram in as many stories as possible so we don’t lose track of them. I think the only major groups missing this week were Robb Stark and Jon Snow, but judging by next week’s episode title, Kissed by Fire, we’ll be headed back to Snow soon enough. Damn, that’s something only people who read the books would get. It’s starting already… Continue Reading »

I now live in a small town in upstate New York. It’s an okay life, but there’s not too terribly much going on. I can drive to get a bite to eat in Troy, or go see a movie in Colonie. Or as much as fifteen minutes away there’s a hard to pronounce town named Schenectady.

Or as the Mohawk Indians used to call it, The Place Beyond the Pines.

In truth, this film is the most exciting thing to happen in the area in well, probably forever. At least since those Mohawks ruled the land. The film landed perhaps the two most “hot right now” actors, Ryan Gosling and Bradley Cooper. Throw in Channing Tatum, and you’ve got yourself a stew.

Gosling reunites with his Blue Valentine director, Derek Cianfrance, but channels his Drive character. Here he’s Luke, a tattooed motocross stunt rider turned bank robber when he realizes he has a child to support, birthed by a one-time fling, Romina (Eva Mendes). Continue Reading »

Last night’s episode of Game of Thrones was a whirlwind, taking us across nearly all major character groups except…Bran and his new Reed friends, I believe. And the little bird, Sana.

That’s good, because more characters making progress is something to be celebrated, but it also comes with the downside of there being precious little time to spend with each group. Most only got one scene, and you were lucky if you got two.

Where to start? Well, the latest shit sandwich that Tyrion has to eat is being made Master of Coin while Petyr Baelish runs off to the Vale to court Lisa Arryn. I’m really not sure how he’s planning on marrying her, considering she’s both insane and vehemently hates the Lannisters who he serves. Perhaps he’ll find something else waiting for him in the Vale other than a new bride. A Skycell, perhaps. Continue Reading »

Remakes in Hollywood are nothing new, especially over the course of the last decade. But one that has the explicit blessing and guiding hand of its original director and star? Now that’s something you don’t see every day.

After years of fans begging for Bruce Campbell and Sam Raimi to reunite in Evil Dead IV, the two decided to hand the series over to younger talent instead. It isn’t a sequel, but rather a reboot with an entire new cast and a relatively similar plot. But only just.

The film that newcomer director Fede Alvarez has created is an exercise in the limits of gore in a modern film, attempting to push the boundaries the way the original pair of films did back in the ’80s.

Though The Evil Dead and its quasi-self-remake Evil Dead II were revolutionary for their time, the same can’t really be said with this remake. It would be hard for a remake to feel fresh as is, but in the wake of last year’s Cabin in the Woods which was a brilliant parody of exactly the sort of film this is, it just seems rather dumb. And not dumb enough to be fun, either. Continue Reading »