Archive for the 'Columns' Category

Sep 19 2014

This Week In Movie Trailers!

Published by under Columns,Lists,Movies

Hey there Unrealtors, how goes your week!? Anyone take a break from playing Destiny yet? I know it’s hard for some to pull themselves away from it **cough – Paul! – cough** and yet, my sorry butt hasn’t even played a minute of it. It’s not for lack of wanting to. I guess I’ll just browse the interwebs for more movie trailers to present to the readers. Speaking of trailers, this week was a big one for a particular film that many have been eagerly waiting for…I wonder what film that could be?

Let’s do this.

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Sep 08 2014

It Should Be A Movie By Now: 11/22/63

Published by under Columns,Movies

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A time when the United States, and probably much of the world stood still, the death of JFK took everyone by surprise. Sure there have been a few films that have touched on the life of JFK and you might think that I’m just adding to the pile up – but 11/22/63 is different.

I rarely ever read books, mainly because I just don’t have the time. Yet, Stephen King apparently knows how to hook me. For whatever reason this book sucked me in, and was one helluva a suspenseful ride that I just couldn’t put down. The entire time I was reading it, I pictured people who I would cast for Jake, Al, and all the subsequent characters that were intertwined into the well written story. Wait, have any of you read this? Am I jumping the gun … ok, let’s explain some things real quick.

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Aug 26 2014

You Really Should Give A Listen To…Volume 3

PODCASTING

It’s time to deepen your ear holes, Unrealtors! I’m going to be talking about three podcasts you may not have heard yet but you really should give a listen to. Fire up your iPods—since, presumably, you’re a time traveler visiting from 2004—and get your ears in gears. Continue Reading »

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Aug 19 2014

Angels in the Apocalypse: How the Events of “Angels in the Outfield” Led to Humanity’s Extinction

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Leave it to the happiest company on Earth to end it.

In 1994, Disney released what’s become a family cinematic staple: the screwball sports comedy classic, “Angels in the Outfield.” The film was fairly star-studded with Danny Glover, Christopher Lloyd, and a pre-Robin Joey Gordon-Levitt all in starring roles, and had future Oscar winners Adrien Brody and Matthew McConaughey as side players. And it had Tony Danza shirtless.

The film was a success, and kids across America owned the clamshell case clad comedy on VHS, myself included. As a kid I must’ve watched the movie just shy of one billion times, and loved it. But it wasn’t until a recent viewing (and more on just why I revisited the film later) that I realized something sinister was brewing behind the bases. “Angels in the Outfield” seemed like good fun…but have you ever really thought about what happens after the Angels (SPOILER ALERT) do win the pennant?

Well…I have…and I’m here to say goodbye to the human race. Continue Reading »

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Aug 12 2014

Why It’s Time to Start Recommending Deep Space 9 to All Your Friends

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It’s time for space to be the final frontier again.

Repeatedly you’ll hear television fans sing the praises long and loudly about brilliant shows like The Wire and Battlestar Galactica, and rightfully so. But while we like to think the current TV renaissance we’re all celebrating is a recent rebirth, I have a theory that it actually began long ago in a far-off time period known as the early 90s. The actual birthplace? A broken down, formerly Cadassian space station formerly known as Terok Nor. But once the Federation took over it became known as…

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Deep Space 9.

For those unfamiliar, DS9 followed the adventures of an extremely a-typical group of Star Trekkers. Instead of the standard crew aboard your run-of-the-mill Constitution Class, DS9 had a handful of Federation folk, a terrorist or two, a talking blob of goo, a tailor who may have also been an intergalactic James Bond, and the best bartender in the Alpha Quadrant. Things rarely went to warp in this show, but that didn’t mean it didn’t go places. Continue Reading »

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Jul 30 2014

Why Haven’t You Seen It: Manhunter (A.K.A the original Red Dragon)

Published by under Columns,Movies

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Flashback many, many Summers. I am working overnight as a Forest Ranger at a little state park on Cape Cod. Most nights were slow, so I would read to kill time. I will never forget the impact the Thomas Harris novel, Red Dragon had on me. It was one of the last books I ever remember actually scaring me. It was so effective in parts, I would have to put it down to regain my composure. While my surroundings may have factored into that terror at times, there is no denying that book was phenomenal (and kickstarted the Hannibal Lecter saga, which is still going, now on television). So you can imagine my joy when I found out that it was already made into a movie by the time I read it. Yes, there are two cinematic version of Red Dragon out there. Today, I am going to talk about the first one from 1986, which they (mistakenly) renamed Manhunter for the silver screen. Name change or not, why haven’t you seen it?

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Jul 29 2014

Casting the Amalgam Universe Movies

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In comics, chocolate and peanut butter are rarely mixed.

As much as we may wish otherwise, the big two remain Houses of Ideas divided. Aside from the occasional mini-series (that, obviously, doesn’t really count in continuity), Marvel and DC usually keep all their toys to themselves.

But once, long ago, in a mystical hazy time we call the mid-90s, where Rangers were Powerful and a hundred thousand Tamagotchis all sang out in chorus, the stars aligned. DC and Marvel squared off against each other in Marvel vs. DC, and the result was…well…this: Continue Reading »

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Jul 23 2014

Why Haven’t You Seen It: The FP

Published by under Columns,Movies

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I have let it be known world wide that I am lover of absurd movies. I walk around, quoting The Room while wearing my Sharknado baseball hat. Not even kidding. I am one of the three people who thought Birdemic was so bad it was brilliant. But what happens when a movie builds itself around that very ideal? What happens when a movie conscientiously wants to be so bad it is good? Isn’t that trying too hard? Shouldn’t that not work? Yes, in most cases, trying to become a cult movie blows up horribly in the faces of those who try to do it. Thing is, with The FP, it works. It is just SO absurd (yet so spot on in its absurdity) that you can’t help but actually enjoy this insane film. Insane is actually putting it lightly. Let’s have some fun this week, kids.

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Jul 22 2014

The League of Extraordinary Americans

EXTRAORDINARY AMERICANS

Imagine if a librarian from the Victorian era created the Justice League.

Might not sound incredibly thrilling but in 1999 comics legend Alan Moore made the concept not just work but rock in his miniseries The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. Featuring a slew of characters from every corner of Victorian literature, the LOEG was a rollicking, partially demented adventure that made you wish you were a bit more well-read.

Being a proper Englishman, though, Moore of course used (mostly) characters from his home and native land. Being a young American reader I thrilled at the brief Tralfamadorian cameo and the Who Dat Ninja poster in the background, but, for the most part, the USA was MIA throughout the League’s various goings-on.

Today, though, I’m gonna get patriotic and ‘MERICA the crap outta the limey League and present the League of Extraordinary AMERICANS, using ONLY American created characters and concepts. Am I being a rampant, red-white-and-blue-tinted glasses-wearing Nationalist? You bet. But hey, at least I’m not shoe-horning in…ugh…Tom Sawyer to appeal to Americans.

Ready? For the stars and bars! Continue Reading »

3 responses so far


Jul 16 2014

Why Haven’t You Seen It: I Melt With You

Published by under Columns,Movies

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I am going to start this article by saying you have to be a somewhat older guy who has made a myriad of poor life choices to really enjoy this movie. That is not totally true, but boy, does it help. You also have to be, um, prepared to walk away from it a little messed up. I Melt With You is a story about old friends drifting apart and growing into adults they swore they would never be when they were kids. This is the sequel to Stand By Me you never wanted, but never knew you needed. It is about how scary failures can be, and how strong a promise can remain between people who love each other, even decades later. Oh, and it might be one of the most depressing movies I have ever seen. But I am not like most people. That didn’t make it a “bad” film to me. Quite the opposite, really. In some sad and scary ways, I related to these guys.

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Jul 09 2014

Why Haven’t You Seen It: Cheap Thrills

Published by under Columns,Editorials,Movies

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I know Cheap Thrills came out last year, and normally, I like to actually give people the time to see a movie before I dare ask them why haven’t they seen it. But Cheap Thrills was a bold enough ride that I want to bring as much attention to it as I can while it can still reap some of the benefits of that. Before I tell you about the film, let me ask you something. How far would you be willing to go once you hit rock bottom to ensure you didn’t stay there? Would you be willing to embarrass yourself? Hurt yourself? Maybe hurt someone else? This is the question that Cheap Thrills so boldly asks of its viewers. It is uncomfortable, hilarious, disturbing, and unforgettable. Kinda like life. Actually, a little TOO MUCH like my life right now, truth be told.

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