Mar 31 2014
I can still remember the feeling like it was yesterday. I was sitting, watching my friend Nick play Bioshock. I hadn’t yet purchased an Xbox 360 at the time because I am poor, and because Kameo wasn’t exactly filling me the urge to rush to Gamestop. But as I sat there, watching my buddy traverse the stunning, dilapidated hallways of Rapture, I became overwhelmed with the sense that I needed to go get a 360 and needed to go get Bioshock, right then and there, regardless of whether it meant I couldn’t buy groceries for a week or two. The thing is, that is not happening with the new consoles. So this leads me to ask: where is the eight generation’s proverbial Bioshock? The game that will make it so I HAVE to own one of these systems?
Keep in mind, this is proverbial. I am not asking where the LITERAL new Bioshock is. I know one will be coming at some point, and I know it will drop my jaw. I mean, where are the games that are that good? The games that make nerds like me go and buy these consoles, even when we can’t afford them? I know what two arguments are going to come my way right now, and I am ready to address them both. First we have PS4 fans, pointing out Infamous: Second Son to me.
He looks like a cross between an X-Men and the patented “bad boy” from every boy band ever.
Yes, the game looks great. It is actually quite stunning to look at in person, and I feel like videos and still pics do not do it justice. Thing is, it is just another Infamous. Don’t get me wrong, it is a very cool game to watch (and from what little I have played of it), but to me, it is not a system seller. Not a “killer app.” I could play the old Infamous games on a PS3 and yes, I would get a decidedly less polished looking game, I would still get the same overall experience. This is not to undermine the PS4. The system seems like the superior of the two, and will most likely be the next gen console I pick up first. But as of right now, I have yet to be met with the unwavering desire to do that. The fact that the PS4 is working on exclusive TV shows doesn’t interest me at all, either. I personally think all the new consoles trying to be multimedia everything to everyone is part of the problem. I like video games. Give me a f*cking game console. Is that too much to ask?
I am sorry, but I can do shit like this in Saints Row 4 for much cheaper.
So now, here comes the Xbone (I never get tired of that) fans screaming to me about Titanfall. Oh, Titanfall is the best thing to ever happen to multiplayer. Titanfall is the best mech game of all time. The game is a finely tuned masterpiece and everyone needs to play it. Well, guess what? I am a single player guy. Why do you think I cited Bioshock as my perfect example? 20 hours of single player brilliance. I actually have a bit of a rage problem, and multiplayer makes me end up wanting to tear my hair out and murder people. To me, that is not fun. I don’t feel like someone who needs to frag people to necessarily feel self worth. Titanfall may look great and it may play like a dream, but it is not the title moving me to get an Xbone. Hell, I don’t care if the fake president plays it (and it quite funny in the process). By the way, can we nickname this dude Faux-Bama? Please??
Please don’t even get me started on how dumb these kids are who fall for it are. Still funny, regardless.
The other problem is the XBone really, REALLY wants to be your everything, too. It wants you to yell at you when you want to watch TV, and it wants you to Netflix on it, and Youtube on it, and PornHub on it. Hell, it wants to watch you beat off. But again, guess what? I want a f*cking game console. Giving me a glorified TV that also happens to play games is not driving me to jump on the 8th generation bandwagon anytime soon. I have a cool TV. It is big and 3D. I have Google Chromecast. I don’t need anything changed or improved, thank you very much. Also, that idea of Quantum Break (is it a TV show or is it a game? Who cares, either way it is a fail) is just silly. Telltale games already make GREAT interactive fiction, and I can play that shit for five bucks on Steam. To me, Quantum Break is giving me flashbacks to FMV and how awful a trend that was. Again, games have come WAY too far to step back like this.
Sorry, but Quantum Break looks like a bad show that would run on the SyFy channel.
Now don’t get me wrong, there are games coming out for the next gen consoles that I really want to play, but guess what? They are coming out for 7th generation consoles as well. From Destiny to Watch Dogs, there are must have games coming, but I will have them for the system I have now, and not have to shell out four hundred bucks just to be able to play a shinier version of the exact same game. That, to me, is kind of a joke. When consoles used to upgrade, they would pretty much render their old hardware obsolete, right away. Part of this was to FORCE the player into the next gen by not giving them a choice. It was mean, but it worked. But why would I go buy a new system when all the games that are gonna be badass in 2014, will also be on seventh gen consoles?
This will be less shiny on my 360, but everything else will be spot-on. So why upgrade?
In all honesty, before it even happened, this was the generation launch I was least excited about. I really felt like we hit a ceiling last gen with just how good games could get, and I still stand behind that. Yeah, the new Witcher might be awesome, but it is another example of a game that will not compel me to buy a whole new system, when the one I have is still working just fine. Yes, Arkham Knight might be good enough to get me to buy an 8th gen system, but until I see gameplay footage, it is all just assumptions. So tell me, I know some of you have the systems, and some of you feel the same way I do, so let’s talk about it. What have been your experiences with the eight generation for you so far? What games do you think make it so we all NEED to own them, and for people like me who do not have them yet, what is the one game that may just make me change my mind? Take to the comments and let me know.
Also, go read my site, and don’t be mad at me that I baited you with the title of this article. I dig Titanfall. I just wanted to wake some of ya’ll up. Been so quiet around here lately…
Faux-Bama for the win.
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