Oct 28 2013
So check this out. Earlier this week I was trimming my beard and somehow managed to get a pair of scissors stabbed completely through my ring finger. Like an idiot, I yanked it out and ran it under a faucet, which ofcourse, made the bleeding from my puncture wound that much worse. I tried wrapping it, no luck. Blood starts running down my elbows and getting my sleeves wet. Normally, I am good with this shit, but it is getting worse and worse. Somehow, within a minute of this all happening, I vomited and passed out on the wooden floor, bleeding way too much out of a wound that should not have happened. Luckily, I lived. But looking back, it is as funny to me as it is horrific.
So, having told you that stupid, mildly retarded story, what better way to transition into discussing horror comedies than that? None. So let’s do this…
Shaun of the Dead
This is still my favorite flavor of Cornetto.
If I started this list with anything but Shaun of the Dead, I would be dragged outside and beaten to death with a cricket mallet. Justifiably. In the same breath, there is nothing I can say about this movie that a million other people haven’t already said, so, moving on….
The best use of a Queen song, ever? Wayne’s World may argue, but yes. Yes it is.
Most people don’t know, but all the sheep in this movie were played by little people. I just made that up.
I will be honest even though I may catch some heat for this, I really look at Black Sheep as a sort of unofficial spiritual successor to Shaun of the Dead. They both had that same quirky brand of U.K humor, the same over-the-top violence, and the same oddly likable cast of characters inhabiting this world. Honestly, outside of Flight of the Conchords, Black Sheep is my favorite New Zealand export.
Black Sheep is about some mutant sheep who end up murdering a bunch of people. There is more story to it than that, but if you need more than “sheep eating humans” as a selling point, you may be reading the wrong guy’s stuff.
Tucker and Dale VS. Evil
There is nothing about this movie that isn’t awesome. Nothing.
How friggin’ good is Tucker and Dale Vs. Evil? I mean, honestly?
It flips the script so perfectly in so many scenes, it is genuinely difficult not to enjoy this film. Trust me, I have a girlfriend who doesn’t like horror, and she couldn’t even look away from this film, with a constant, childlike grin on her face the whole time.
Tucker and Dale Vs. Evil is about Tucker and Dale, two country boys on vacation when they stumble upon some vacationing teenagers. Well, some mixups happen, and the kids end up thinking that Tucker and Dale have kidnapped one of their friends, even though they technically saved her life. What happens next is almost too comical for me to spoil for you if you haven’t seen it. Actually, wanna watch the whole movie in two minutes? Just watch the trailer, which basically ruins the entire film. To me, Tucker and Dale is to slasher movies what Shaun of the Dead is the zombie films.
I am not alone in thinking trailers with spoilers need to be kept in a basement and tortured, right?
I know this does NOT look funny, but please, trust me?
I think of Otis as a modern day classic that no one has seen. It is really dark, and may be a little too dark for most sane people to laugh at, but at its heart, Otis is a film about an insane man, two messed up family dynamics, and how a simple misunderstanding can seriously mess up your day.
Otis is about a man named Otis who kidnaps girls in an attempt to have them recreate the prom he never got to go to as a loser kid. Yes, the very idea of a woman being held hostage may not be funny, that is not the core of what makes this work. Basically, Otis captures a girl, feels her up, and she escapes. She gets home and her family is under the impression he did some truly terrible things to her. With that in mind, they set out to find him and make him pay.
What happens next is when the twisted fun starts. They find Otis’ house, but guess what? They take the wrong brother hostage. Then the Hostel shit starts. This movie gets seriously twisted, but its lack of worrying about the taboo is what makes it work on so many levels. Also, as I have told you before, Otis has one of the most ambiguous endings in horror, and I loved it more for it.
Though you’ll probably hate it.
Though this pic is from part two, it is too awesome not to include here. Metal Gear meets Silent Hill.
Feast is not what you would call a good movie, outright. It is low-rent, b-movie cheese, but that is where it thrives, and it is very self aware about that. Also, what set Feast apart is that it was on the Project Greenlight show on HBO. For those who don’t remember, that means Matt Damon and Batfleck helped get this movie made.
Feast is about a group of very different people all at the same watering hole in the desert when some bad shit does down. Basically, a mutant monster starts showing up and raping deer heads and decapitating people. Again, much like the next movie I am going to mention, Feast tries to gross us out as much as it makes us laugh. There are now two sequels to this movie. Second one was still decent, but by the third one, as is typically the case in horror, it all went to shit.
Hell, if they make another one, they should use that as a subtitle. Feast 4: Gone to Shit.
Poor thing always gets a little bloated around this time of the month.
Slither was a pleasant surprise. A kind of Night of the Creeps (which is one of my favorite 80′s horror films), B-movie homage, it was equal parts hilarious and disturbing.
Slither was about an alien parasite that invades a small town and turns its residents into zombies. Well, mutants. Um, truthfully, it sort of effects all people a little differently. As you can see from the above photos, Elizabeth Banks does not fare so well. Also, the film has Michael Rooker, AKA Merle from The Walking Dead. Oh, and Nate Fillion. Wow, i forgot how much I liked the cast of this movie.
Why the hell am I still writing and not re-watching this amazing, messed up movie right now? Screw this, I am going to watch Slither.
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