Sep 10 2013
I know it’s two episodes early, and I never thought I’d say this, but I Just. Don’t. Care. Any. More.
Years ago, when Dexter was still one of my favorite shows, I used to fantasize about how it would end. How could they ever possibly top a thrilling season like the second one where Dexter is almost discovered? They couldn’t, right?
No, they couldn’t. And they haven’t.
This has just been such a pitiful season up to this point, there’s literally nothing that can happen in the next pair of episodes to save it. When the set-up is all wrong, it really doesn’t matter at all how such a poorly structured story ends.
Like most fans, I thought that this final season would be all about Dexter being discovered or at least almost discovered. Instead, the only thing Dexter might be discovered for is harboring a fugitive, Hannah, a character that’s such an albatross around the neck of this show it’s almost physically painful to watch.
Also, STOP SHOWING THINGS LIKE THIS IN THE PREVIEW SCENES.
Yes, someone died this week. Vogel, like you didn’t see that coming. It was fairly obvious she wouldn’t survive the season, but what was a surprise was that her motives were so straightforward this entire time. She always felt shady, like she could never really be trusted. Turns out everything was completely on the up-and-up outside of her secret note-taking on her interactions with Dexter. She had no direct hand in the brain-surgeon killings after all. Yes ,the killer turned out to be her long-lost son out of nowhere, but she had nothing to do with his actions.
Hannah shows up and convinces Dexter that he and Harrison can run away to Argentina. When you spend an entire episode with Dexter literally smiling, looking at a computer screen filled with Argentina images, I think it’s fairly f***ing obvious that no one is going to Argentina. Big tragic, unexpected twists like Rita’s death have been handled well on this show previously, but it was easy to see this one coming from a mile away.
Dexter convinces himself he has to stay around to protect Vogel, when ironically, him doing so actually ends up getting her killed. I thought that Vogel was setting Dexter up to be captured and killed by Oliver, but nope, again, she’s a far more straightforward character than we thought. And now she’s dead and we’re supposed to feel bad, but it’s hard to considering I never trusted her for one second this year. But she really was the mom-figure she appeared to be, and we were suppose to empathize with her rather than be skeptical of her, it seems. Welp, too late now.
Meanwhile, a series of freak coincidences and all around terrible decision-making lead Hannah to probably getting caught next week. First, Dudebro Marshall just happens to show up in Batista’s office as he’s trying to find a new lab tech, and is able to connect the dots about Dexter leaving. Then dumbass Harrison just happens to fall on the treadmill and achieve a blood-gushing treadmill-related injury that has never remotely happened in real life before. Then dumbass Hannah takes him to this hospital in full “I’m the world’s most gorgeous fugitive” mode without bothering to wear so much as a hat or sunglasses. Naturally, she’s spotted and inexplicably left alone by Dexter as he chases after Oliver. He’s told to do this by Ghost Harry, which is exactly the sort of thing that Ghost Harry would not tell him to do, as evidenced by every season up until now.
Yeah, I’m just out of good fatherly advice at this point. I suggest doing a copious amount of meth and jumping off the roof of Miami Metro.
All of this is SO DUMB. And I’m even overlooking things like how the Dexter-Deb love plot was supposed to be the central issue of the entire show, and it was just tossed away to be forgotten once Hannah entered the picture. Deb is back with Quinn and oh god are they really going to let this show end without Quinn doing one interesting thing in his entire existence? And don’t even get me started on this year’s Elway red herring.
A few weeks ago, you guys wrote in the comments about a running theory involving Matthews knowing Dexter’s secret this whole time, and looking out for him all these years after Harry’s death. Harry was his best friend, after all, and perhaps he turned Vogel onto Dexter, and then moments like him telling La Guerta to leave Dexter alone, or warning Dexter about her inquiries make sense.
It’s the most interesting thing I’d heard this season, and I’m pretty sure it’s completely fictional. Vogel is dead, Dexter isn’t about to be caught (as a serial killer, at least), and Matthews is doing nothing but apparently working as a private eye for Zack Hamilton’s family. There’s just no reason for such a reveal at this point, now that the show has developed its own storylines further.
It’s sad when the best plotline of your show is a fan theory. And Dexter is just in a very, very sad state.
I blame Hannah. Well, the writers. But mostly Hannah.
You don’t need to see the final episode to know that this will not be one of television’s great finales. This is of course in contrast to say, Breaking Bad, which is making every second of every episode count in the lead up to the grand finale.
Dexter used to be edge-of-your-seat entertainment, but these last three seasons especially have thrown what once was an infallible show dramatically off-course. And we’re so far gone at this point, we can’t even see land and there’s no way back to shore from here.
Dexter, live, die, run, hide, I just don’t care anymore.
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