Feb 27 2013
Few moments in my gaming memory stand out to me like the first time I heard that rapsy “SEGA” soundbyte before playing the first Sonic the Hedgehog game. That blew my mind, and I remember restarting the game four or five times because I was obviously retarded, and thought it was so cool. From that moment forth, I was a Sega guy. Please, get all your laughter out of the way for a moment, I don’t blame you. I know the Super Nintendo had a better game catalogue (I can admit that now), but I would’ve fought you had you come to me face to face with that same statement back in the day.
Years later, we see that Sega have not exactly shown the staying power of Nintendo, but regardless of that fact, there are still quite a few Genesis games that I consider to be 16-bit gold. And while reboots usually suck, and can sometimes even ruin a franchise (say what, Bionic Commando robo-arm-that-is-my-dead-wife), but I would be lying were I to tell you that reboots of these games wouldn’t perk my nips, atleast for a second. Have some love for the Genesis? Take to the comments and tell me what games YOU would love to see rebooted. Or tell me I suck, I promise I will take that criticism better this time. Maybe.
Remember, that game where you made out of floating robot testicles?
BEST story about Vector Man right now.
I was poor, and couldn’t afford it, so I went to Toys R Us, where they had a Genesis and this game set up, and stayed there until I beat the game. Okay, that story wasn’t very epic, I may have over hyped it. But come on, we all hated that kid who hogged the video game systems at toy stores, and for one awesome moment, I was that kid, but I digress.
Vectorman was awesome and few can argue that. Was it easy? Hell yes it was easy. Was it short? Hell yes, it was short. But it had some truly killer graphics for the time ( I think the animations still look great, to be honest) and the gameplay was fluid and fun. While this game was said to be getting a reboot a few years ago, it was canceled due to Sega’s inability to not suck now, but imagine how much fun a GOOD reboot of this game could be? Keep it side scrolling, and keep and expand upon the transform mechanic, and bam, you have a game that old schoolers like me would be lining up to play. At a toy store because I am still f*cking poor.
In hindsight, you played as a young Dog the Bounty Hunter.
The core concept (of being IN a comic book) at the heart of this game was awesome, and needs to be utilized again. I know Max Payne had a comic book sensibility to the way it told the story, but in Comix Zone, your character was literally fighting through the panels on the pages of comics, which were called COMIX here to be edgy. I hate when people misspell stuff to be edgy. That was a huge problem in the nineties. Most annoying problem EVAR! (<Ironic font)
You would even see the hand (and interaction) of the illustrator, which made the whole thing even more meta, which again, back then makes it even MORE meta. So reboot this game, use a sick, cell shaded art style, and keep it 2D. Fuck the transition to 3D. If you are not Mario or Link, that transition just doesn’t work. Looking at you, Bubsy.
This game is the only thing I have ever curb stomped.
Phantasy Star 3
Everything on this panel looks like something a kid puked out after eating too many Skittles.
First off, can we address how Sega loves to misspell words in their best games? Phantasy? REALLY? You guys iz stewpid.
Second, the Phantasy Star series was effing awesome. It really was. And while it might seem strange that I am recommending they reboot the third in a series which many people have not played the first and second games, it was the badass “aging generations” mechanic I think they could find some real potential in. How this game worked was, you played through three generations, and each generation’s actions affected the next. Think the epic scope of Mass Effect, well before Mass Effect, and not nearly as epic, and you have a good idea.
I can’t be alone in thinking this could be done, and could be amazing, right? And I know Phantasy Star got the dreaded 3D reboot, and was turned into a MMORPG long before those were the rage, but I want a REAL Phantasy Star. First person views of stellar static enemies. Don’t change what made it work, just make it better.
Shadow dancer sounds like it would be the subtitle for Black Swan 2.
I played this game SO MUCH, that it is, literally, etched into my muscle memory perfectly. You sit me down in front of a Genesis and put on Shadow Dancer, I will beat the game in one sitting without losing any guys. That might factor into I stayed a virgin for so long, but who cares, you were a f*cking ninja who had an attack dog, and you could summon the dog to attack people and rip out their throats. That trumps everything.
And that one level with all the burning shit behind you? Holy shit, this game was good. Shinobi with an attack dog. Whatever genius came up with that, I want to buy you a “thank you” ice cream.
This isn’t me playing, but it might as well be.
So reboot it, make it sexier, but keep the side scrolling and frenetic action. I would give a handy to a circus clown for a reboot of this game.
Beyond Oasis took NO inspiration from Zelda at all. None. Period. (< sarcasm font)
No one remembers this game and I have no idea why. Again, graphics that still look really good to this day, and that awesome top down view we used to get for games like this, but we don’t get too much anymore because the transition to 3D killed it. Beyond Oasis liberally borrowed a great deal from the Zelda games, but focused a great deal more on combat, and less on puzzles, which for a young me was just fine. The game had massive enemies and a treasure trove of weapons and items to find, and I would love to see this game redone for XBL or Steam, with a nice coat of polish, maybe some new enemies, and a more flushed out campaign.
Ofcourse, it won’t happen, because only three people played this game, but it was still a great Zelda clone. Speaking of Zelda clones…
He looked NOTHING like Link. Nothing. Period. (< lying to self font)
I will start a metal band, and we will be called Landstalker, and we shall roam the land, bringing metal and shredding solos that shall melt the faces of all who question us. Wait, where was I? Oh yeah, LandStalker.
Landstalker was a easy to write off as a Zelda clone upon first glance, but the game offered something very unique to the formula, and it still resonates with me a game I found truly enjoyable (though wholly frustrating at times). That mechanic was the 3D, isometric view of the playing field. While this took some time to get used to (if you tried to play it now, with 3D mechanics so ingrained you would just jump off ledges for an hour straight and then hit power and walk away), once you got the swing of the learning curve, the game became an original romp through a somewhat cliched kingdom that was actually fun to play, and had some surprisingly deep gameplay.
Why a reboot of this game would work is because 3D works better now in games like this than it did back then, and so it would be fun to play this game without having to spend five hours trying to figure out how to jump in the direction you want. Tidy up the controls and graphics a bit, and y0u have a game that would really get some retro love.
Lightning Force (Thunder Force IV)
The only game where you played as a flying sex toy that shot lasers. Not in Japan, though. That shit is common there.
The whole Thunder Force series was amazing, actually. Side scrolling space shooters from a time when twitch gaming was everything. Granted, I try to play a game like this now and I have panic attacks, I used to be quite good at them, and would love to see what this series would look (and play) like on current gen systems, but I would have to do so from another room, cuz this shit is just too intense for my old soul now. If I tried to play it I think I would pee a little.
Yes, you shot lasers out of your ass, too.
Sword of Vermillion: Too many Zelda clones on list already, but that game was awesome.
The Haunting, Starring Polterguy: It was like The Sims, but you haunted a house by possessing different items to scare the occupants out. Was a fucking blast, make it again.
And yes, to answer your question, you could literally scare their pants off.
Zombies Ate My Neighbors: One of the best games ever made, the end. Okay, so what did I miss?
Also, read my site, because I love you, that’s why.
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