- I NEVER accept Giant Killing quests in Skyrim. Dudes are just trying to live their lives and want to be left alone. I think somehow the game knows where I stand too because I’ve encountered giants that never even gave me a second look. Seriously. I’ve walked right up to some and they never get pissy with me.

- I hate killing Big Daddies. Poor bastards never chose that life.

But for me the worst isn’t random NPC-ish enemies, no. The worst for me is when video games trick you into doing something horrible. I can tell you all two games I put down and never played again after they emotionally traumatized me. And yes, I know this might make me seem too sensitive, but I have fibromyalgia and I’m in constant excruciating pain, which makes it very hard to restrain my emotions sometimes. Couple that with my natural kindness and love of life, and you’ll understand these two moments. Spoilers ahoy.

Fable II – THE CHOICE.

Come on, if you’ve played Fable II you know what I’m talking about. The choice you’re given at the end. Three possible outcomes. Be a prick and get all the money but leave hundreds of thousands of unjustly killed people dead, save your family but leave everyone else dead, or save EVERY wrongfully lost life, but give up your murdered family and dog.

Given my nature, there was only one choice I COULD make. I saved thousands, turned the game off, and cried myself to sleep, thankful that there’s zero chance I’d ever have to make that choice in real life.

Red Dead Redemption; Undead Nightmare – In order to unlock one of the cooler outfits in this game, there’s a bunch of quests you have to go complete to collect all the pieces you need to make it. One such quest is an old coot and his wife in a cabin in the north woods who tells you of a bigfoot clan who’s been eating human babies. As ridiculous as the idea sounds, it’s a friggin’ Old West Zombie game, so I figure it’s just schlocky B-Movie cheese and go bigfoot hunting to get my outfit piece.

I run around hunting bigfoots, killing 4 of the 5 total I need to. When I find the map marker for the 5th one, there’s no bigfoot visible, but once I walk into the Circle O’ Plot Progression, a cutscene triggers where our hero walks up to the last Sasquatch, sitting huddled against a tree, weeping mournfully, who tells you the old man lied to you because he’s a scared superstitious ass, Sasquatches are herbivores, and you JUST MURDERED HIS ENTIRE FAMILY, leaving him the last of his kind, and begs you to kill him too because he can’t bear to go on living without them.

So I did as he asked, exited the game, and deleted it off my 360 entirely, vowing never to play it again. Because that bullsh*t was just f*cking CRUEL.

“Teemo rides a thin line between chipper compatriot and unrepentant killer”
– Tristana