Jan 29 2013
Video games may not desensitize us to killing the real world, but the virtual one? Absolutely. When 90% of games have you killing things at all times, it’s bound to happen.
But we don’t mourn for those fallen soldiers we gun down in Call of Duty or Covenant we blast apart in Halo. They had it coming. They deserved it.
That’s not always the case though. Sometimes, you feel bad about killing an enemy in a game. “Enemy” might not even be the right term much of the time.
I don’t know why, but I decided the best format for this post would be eight odes of freestyle unrhymed poetry, dedicated to each of the fallen. Read on to see what I mean.
Beaver (Assassin’s Creed 3)
I’m sorry you don’t have teeth like the cougar
I’m sorry you don’t have claws like the bear
I’m sorry you’re not fast like the rabbit
I’m sorry you’re not sneaky like the raccoon
But you’re pudgy and slow and your fur is worth its weight in gold
I hope you didn’t feel my blade
I hope there’s a heaven for beavers
You were so brave
The dragon was chasing me
And I happened to run into your camp
You leapt at the chance to defend your mammoths
The dragon’s flame seared your flesh, but you were undeterred
I shot arrows from a far, letting you soak up claws and teeth
We took it down together, you and I
But your tiny brain couldn’t grasp the concept
You saw me there, bow in hand
I don’t want your mammoths
Don’t charge at me
We made a great team you and I
Even if you didn’t know it
The mammoths still visit the site where you fell to my bow
They miss you
So do I
Machop – Pokemon
Many Pokemon are cute
This much I know
But there’s something that bothers me about Machop
He’s human, almost
Not quite, but close enough
And he’s so young. He doesn’t look more than six or seven
Too young to be enslaved and fight
Too young to be burned by fire or frozen by ice
Why is it that he should fight
And we should not?
Because he can only say his name?
But I bet he has hopes, dreams he can’t express
But we’ll never know
I can see the pain in his eyes
Tiger (Far Cry 3)
Remember that time
When the bad pirates had you locked up
And I set you free and you ate all of them?
I laughed and laughed in the bushes
But then you saw me
And you didn’t know it was me who set you free
I wish things could have been different
Big Daddy (Bioshock)
The metal behemoth bellows
I rage and unload bullets and fire
Why does he fight so fiercely?
What monster lurks within that suit?
The battle is won
His armor a tomb
A little girl?
You were protecting her
I didn’t know
I would have done the same
Should some stranger approach
I’ll protect her now
Teemo (League of Legends)
How did you get here?
This is a battlefield for gods and demons, conquerors and kings
You are so tiny
What are you?
A badger in a bunny suit?
I don’t understand
Why should you face off against such foes who tower above you?
But then you shoot me in the eye with a dart
And I step on your poison mushrooms
And I remember why I want you dead
Kaiden (Mass Effect)
I didn’t know it would be a choice
When I sent you on that mission on Virmire
You seemed like a nice enough guy
I’m sorry I let you die
Maybe we could have been friends
And explored the stars together
Fought Collectors and Geth and Reapers
Laughed with Mordin and Wrex and Garrus
Saved the entire galaxy
But I really wanted to bang Ashley
And I didn’t feel the same about you
Koopas (Super Mario Bros.)
Not ghosts, not goombas, not bullets, not booms, not piranha plants
Just little turtles
I wonder if Bowser is so mad
Because I’ve been killing his children
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