Jan 16 2013
I like big bosses and I cannot lie. All you other gamers can’t deny. When a boss walks in with a human-sized waist, and a normal looking face, you get PISSED. Alright, I will stop rapping right now, so as to spare myself a public lashing, but I think my point was made. Ever since I was a kid and fought Loki on the Genesis version of Ghosts and Goblins, I have loved fighting humongous bosses. My adrenaline really starts pumping when I can hear it before I see it, or the ground shakes to announce something massive I will be forced to kill or get killed by.
Thankfully, game designers know nerds like me exist, and at times, really like to please them. Over the last decade especially, some games throw bosses at you so massive, you have no choice but to attack their feet while you feverishly pray to discover an attack pattern or weakness. While bigger may not always mean better, there is no denying a certain sense of awe that bosses this size imbue in the gamer, lucky (or unlucky) enough to be fighting them. Also, quick props to Shadow of the Colossus, for being the best game with massive enemies ever. Also, a lesser shout out to Serious Sam, with the same reasoning. Lastly, no need to tell me that most of these are variations (or ripoffs) of God of War boss fights. I know and I agree. So here, in no particular order, are seven huge bosses from the last decade of gaming.
Brumak in Gears of War 2
I love the idea that sixteen sandbags is somehow enough to keep him from eating you and shitting you out just to eat you and shit you out again.
While the actual fight ended up being a bit anticlimactic for how long fans had been clamoring to fight this beast, there is still something so intimidating about trying to take down something that is this size, using guns that would equate to a pee shooters worth of pain. But that is the joy in large bosses. Feeling like they could crush you at any moment and are just toying with you for their own amusement. I realize the Brumak does not fall into that level of forward thinking predators, but I like to pretend I just got lucky. Over and over again, anytime I fought it. It was just drunk that day. Or every day, maybe.
Daedalus: Resistance 2
This is what happens when the Sarlac pit stands up.
Listen, at no point did I say these were awesome bosses, did I? I just said they were giant. And if this list were based on aesthetics alone, Daedalus would be high up there, but if it was based on awesomecity of battle, it would place be relatively low. Alas, this list is about size. And no one can argue that this dude wasn’t giant. This dude was giant. And that is all I have to say about that.
I had a dream once that Bayonetta and I made polygon babies. More sad than sexy, really.
Finally a boss fight on the list that is actually kind of awesome, and does not just involve you back strafing while you unload missiles in some giant explosion sponge disguised as a boss fight. Bayonetta really is one of the best action games ever made. And while every boss fight in the game could be on this list,it boiled down to this and the final boss, and I didn’t want to ruin that awesome final boss moment for people who have yet to play it (SPOILER, you punch the final boss into the sun) but the Lustitia fight was most memorable to me for various reasons. One, the bosses name was Lustitia. In my head, Lustitia is a cross dresser who can shoot missiles from his/her nipples, and this version is not that far off from that.
Two, the Indian Jones reference in the intro. That shit is just golden, seriously. Also, like most of the bosses in this game, the fight is pretty much a level in itself. Seriously, check this out:
And people scoff when I tell them I enjoyed Bayonetta more than God of War. Speaking of which….
God of War 3: Chronos
“I CRUSH YOUR HEAD!” Kids in the Hall fans will appreciate that.
If I had to award one video game series for always bringing the most epic boss fights, it would have to be the God of War series. Like I said in the intro, even I can see how the fights on this list are just different versions of earlier God of War battles. Even picking a boss from the series for this list was almost tough. Almost. In reality, though, Chronos pretty much took the definition of big bosses up to that point, picked it up, and squashed it between its fingers like an insect. There is a point, during the Chronos fight, where you honestly feel like there is no way you would be able to even hurt this thing at all. And then you remember you are Kratos. And like some ass-kicking flea who just leapt onto a pile of pure cocaine, you just f*cking go to town.
Vanquish: The Argus Robot
I have tried that “fall into bad guys face to hurt him” tactic, but it rarely works.
What? You have not played Vanquish and are not familiar with this giant robot you need to decimate using its own weaponry against it? Oh Jesus. This game should be really cheap on Amazon now, so do yourself a great justice by getting it. Hell, download the old demo, if you have to. This fight is in that demo, and seeing this mech bastard transform is badassery that needs to be seen to be believed. I won’t lie, this game does get pretty tough later in, throwing two of these f*ckers at you at once. But still, this fight is all scales of epic.
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