Dec 05 2012

Ten Seasonal Horror Films That Make You Feel Like You Have Hypothermia

Published by at 10:00 am under Editorials,Lists,Movies

The Shining

I look at that exact shot from the film and think the same thing I thought first time I saw it: Why is no one sledding off the roof?

Ah, even though we rarely leave the Overlook hotel in the course of the movie, you still FELL it all around them in the film. The wind, pushing on the old walls. The windows all whited out with blankets of ivory snow. It becomes clear to us, and the Torrence’s, pretty quickly, that we are trapped in this hotel as the result of a terrible snowstorm that shows no sign  of letting up. Add to that the bad energy of the place, and the waning mental state of the Father, and you have what could be called THE PERFECT STORM of madness. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I made a topical list more topical by being topical.

Yeah, sorry about that.

Wind Chill

For some time with Emily Blunt, I would freeze to death. Just saying.

Wind Chill is a strange ride, and for me to tell you some of its nuances would be to reveal some of the plot twists that are integral to the movie. I will tell you this. Christmas break is coming, and girl (which is all she is called in this movie) needs to carpool with someone. She finds someone on campus (simply called guy) and they take their trip, carpooling to cut costs and keep things fun. Ofcourse, there are some major differences between these characters, and before you know it, they are thrust into a situation that seems out of both their control. Also, the temperature reaches 30 below, which is exactly why this film is on the list.

Just don’t make the same mistake I did and watch this thinking it is about two people breaking down in the cold and freezing to death in their car, because shit gets WAY weirder than that. Still, an interesting film, and worth watching Emily Blunt as she slowly and inevitably takes over every genre (and the world in the process).

Let The Right One In

Even young Amy Winehouse always displayed a penchant for trouble.

Do I even need to say anything about this damn-near-perfect vampire film? No, I don’t think I do. But man, when Oskar is playing outside, it always look frigid, huh? All I thought after seeing this was the Swedish need to make more horror films, and stat! At times beautiful, at times brutal, but never less than moving (and cold looking) Let The Right One Is is a testimony to the fact that there are still original and exciting horror movies being made (though the best ones, like in this case, are oft taken from books).

Whiteout

That jacket she wears in the movie is skinned wookie. Fact.

Kate Beckinsale as a U.S Marshal attempting to solve a crime before the brutal, Antarctic winter blows through, making that task impossible. It doesn’t sound profound, because it isn’t Based of a stellar graphic novel of the same name, if given the choice, read the comic. The movie is not terrible, but it is not as tense and well executed as the comic. But, it does have Beckinsale in it. I would watch that woman stitch a quilt. Ah, forget this one. See The Grey instead. Couldn’t resist, sorry.

Quick Side Note: If any of you feel compelled to ask why the Killer Santa movies weren’t on the list, killer Santas are getting their own list, as is Christmas based horror, so stay tuned. In the meantime, if you like the plethora of stupid crap that pours out of my head on Unreality weekly, please check out my site, Better Than Bacon.  It is not actually better than bacon, but the honest subtitle “Almost Homeless” just didn’t have as good a ring to it.

Working as a writer from home, this is how much I actually shovel. Oh wait, I can’t afford a shovel, anyway.





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11 responses so far

  • Derpatron

    Let the right one in is Swedish, not Norwegian

  • daria

    Why isn’t “Rare Exports” on this list? I know it’s not a traditional horror movie, but – come on – it’s pretty scary and it’s set in cold weather and it’s christmas-y.

  • http://remycarreiro.com/ Remy Carreiro

    ^Saving Rare Exports for Creepy Christmas Movies list coming later this month.

  • trashcanman

    Forgot “Frostbiten”, the other awesome Swedish vampire flick. Also, how the hell is “The Grey” not horror? The entire premise is wolves stalking and killing people stranded in a plane crash. Is there a clause in Neeson’s contract that says any film he stars in is not allowed to be called “horror” or something?

  • ozymandias87

    What about “Dead End”, with Ray Wise from Twin Peaks? OK, it isn’t too original, but it’s well executed and acted and thoroughly entertaining. And it’s set at Christmas!

  • http://remycarreiro.com/ Remy Carreiro

    ^Saving DEAD END for my Christmas horror list, rest assured. Wanted the “cold” list to be different from the “Christmas” list. @Trashcanman, that was kinda my running joke that failed. I said Grey wasn’t horror, yet kept bringing it up. Like I said, “failed” joke is the key to all that.

  • Steve2

    For the “Santa-horror” list, please make the opening image of the article the dude from “Silent Night-Deadly Night 2″ saying “Garbage day!!”

    You ARE putting that on the list, right? lol

  • Chelsea

    didn’t Frozen just have 3 snowboarders stuck on the lift, not 4?

  • Rockster

    Really, Frozen Is the best: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YpE8W4aQhFw Along with the thing Original. I even liked the remake of the Thing.

  • Matt

    Can’t wait for your Christmas Horror list, it’s my 2nd favourite genre after Christmas Horror Comedy.

  • Zaggnita

    The Thing has always been one of my favorite movies.

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