Nov 26 2012
The 90′s: Angelina Jolie
I am still convinced the Devil carved this woman out of sin itself.
Listen, if you were a teen in the nineties, and saw Hackers and Foxfire, you could NOT shake this woman from your mind. And then, if you had HBO, and just HAPPENED to catch the movie GIA, your definition of longing was forever changed. No, seriously. She was naked, and so freakishly beautiful in (the beginning) of that movie, it sears itself like a prodding iron, into your male psyche, and NEVER leaves. This was the point in my life when I began to do drugs, and my friends were starting to off themselves and such, and I had discovered the ruining reality of love, so to see a girl so divinely dark, twisted, and sexual, gave me faith that, yet again, there would some perfect, twisted creature who I would pair off with at some point and we would take over the world. I even emulated her in the girls I dated. I could show you pics, and you would pat me on the back, but that wouldn’t be fair to my lady right now. As if she reads these.
The thing that has slowly revealed itself over time with Angelina, though, is just how wounded a creature she is. From the insane relationship with Billy Bob (which triggered some real interest in S&M on my part, actually) to her need to adopt nine hundred children now, it is clear to see that, with something that lovely, there are miles and miles of issues. But in the nineties, it was IMPOSSIBLE to not want this woman, on some level or another. Women didn’t even argue this point back then.
The 2000′s: Rosario Dawson
I, literally, cannot see this picture. It is like looking at the f*cking sun to me.
Alright, by this point, the 2000′s, I was no longer delusional, and the “Hollywood crush” thing, became transparent and laughable to me Yes it took me too long, I admit). Yet, I would only be lying if I were to pretend that Rosario Dawson is not completely awesome, and bewitching, because she is. What is great about being an adult is, you follow someone on Twitter, or read about them behind the scenes, and you find out how they really are. Rosario is just a down to earth, nerd-girl, who supports a cavalcade of great charities, and seems incredibly at home in her skin, being exactly what she is. It is hard not to find that beautiful in anyone.
Also, she is as much at home in a nerd role, like she played in Clerks 2, as she is being the sexy woman (think 25th Hour), and across the board, I find myself naturally leaning toward watching any film she appears in. Though it could be said the quality of said roles has deteriorated in the last few years, I can confidently tell you all to not count this woman out. She is too driven to go silently into the night.
More Lust Than Love:
Salma Hayek: Just pure, unbridled sexy, and at her best as a vampire stripper in From Dusk Till Dawn.
Jessica Biehl: She is lovely, and she seems like she is mad legit. “Mad legit” means cool, I think.
Kate Beckinsale: Is it weird that this one just kicked in for me with the Total Recall remake?
And in that single moment, Jimmy’s Make-A-Wish was to become a chair.
Monica Belluci: She is brilliant, and brave, and beautiful, but seeing her get raped for nine minutes is something you can’t unsee.
In closing, if you had any sort of inkling that I have a complete detachment from reality, this article should prove you right. Now if you’ll excuse, me and my soon-to-be-wife, Lea Thompson, need to start wedding planning.
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