Oct 31 2012
How shocking is it for me to being doing a non-horror list on Halloween? Yes, that is why I am doing it. Oh, that and I may die at any moment. As much as I would love to tell you guys this list is gonna be boss, it really won’t be. Not because the spells on the actual list will suck (though a great deal of you will think they do, I’m sure), but because I am knuckle deep in a storm named Sandy right now, and not even sure why I still have power at all, so I am just going to link some videos and give some brief explanations on why I adore these spells. It may seem like a “lazy list” (which is what I call lists that have only one or two sentences per entry) but it is more a survival list.
Why? Because I am trying to write this list and survive. It may sound silly, but honestly, I am on the second floor and our entire building is swaying right now, so it’s not as silly as it seems. It almost feels as if someone cast a “magic spell” on the building. HAHAHA! Brought it back around. Terribly, but it still counts. Alright, here are six epic spells from Final Fantasy video games I’ve genuinely enjoyed over the years. Try not to hate in this list too much, guys. It is an opinion piece and nothing more. And (shock), we may have different opinions when it comes to video game magic spells. Also, cut me some slack, I am in a frankenstorm right now.
Final Fantasy 7: Knights of the Round
Oh, this one is bound to get me some crap right away, but I don’t care. I know some people HATED sitting through the 72 minute animation required for this spell, but I loved it. Do you know why I loved it? Because it felt visceral and violent to me. Everytime a new knight appeared and swung, I felt true vindication that my enemy was truly being smited by my own hand. Well, not my hand so much as the hands of a shit-ton of old-school knights.
Yes, a two minute animation is a little much, but you felt like such a badass when it happened.
Also, if you hate long, drawn-out animated sequences, why the f*ck are you playing RPG’s?
Anima: Final Fantasy X
I know that “what is the best summon” can become a heated debate among FF fans, and my choice of putting Anima on the list is going to enrage some nerds even further, but I have to be honest with you people. The first two spells are the first spells I always think of when I think of badass spells. Sorry I just said “spells” so much.
The story behind Anima in FFX is quite cool, too. She is the Mother of your main enemy in the game, and she is in such anguish from how evil he is. I mean, she looks like something out of a heavy metal video (which will be a theme of this list), and that only makes her cooler to me. Plus, you have to fight her and beat her to earn her. Sort of like sex with Oprah.
Some guy, somewhere, right now, is joking how this is his “Mother-in-law.”
The Ultima spell is the spell you get in Final Fantasy games and tend to no longer really need to worry about battles like you did up to that point in the game. Rather than sit here and tell you which game has the best Ultima, while the siding gets torn off my house, I will just show you this awesome video I found on Youtube about the history of Ultima. Give the video a thumbs up so the creator gets some love as the result of my fear of death right now from Sandy.
I also like that Ultima is obviously a nod to Ultima, the grandfather of RPG games.
Bahumet: Final Fantasy 5
Listen, as easy as it would be to award all the best slots to games that came later in the series, and thus, had better visuals, that is a cop out. I am an old-school FF fan, and I will never forget how cool it was first time I saw Bahumet in FF 5, which is FF3 to you Gen X’ers. He may have been a static animation, but everything about him seemed epic. I mean, a dragon?! Hell and yes! While his later forms may be more badass visually, but let’s not forget to give nods to the forefathers.
Another awesome “evolution of” video.
I mean, how many nerds have wanted to control a dragon to obliterate their enemies? Bahumet finally gave is that chance.
Pixel graphics fill me with “childhood at Christmas” levels of nostalgia.
Supernova: Final Fantasy 7
I can just hear you now: WHAT, TWO SPELLS from FF7??!!! What a jerk!
But I felt that Supernova was the best representation of an enemy spell from the series. No, I am not a Sephiroth groupie, but I recognize the act of summoning a comet from worlds away to destroy your enemies as badass. I really do. Sorry. Can’t undermine the awesome of that.
I can do this in real life, you know? I just choose not to.
How someone with silver bangs got such a reputation as badass I will never know.
Doomtrain: Final Fantasy 8
Listen, I really disliked FF 8, so don’t take me ending the list with Doomtrain as some passive-aggressive way of telling you that FF8 was the best or anything. But, Doomtrain was undeniably metal, no one can argue that. It looked like it came off a Motorhead album cover, and it affected your enemies like bad drugs would. It was by no means the most powerful spell or summon, (what, status effects only? REALLY???!!) but whenever Doomtrain rode through, I would yell DOOMTRAAAAAAAAAIN in my eighties metal singing voice, and it was the one thing that saved that game for me.
Tell me one thing that ISN’T batshit-insane and awesome about this?
A train with a skeleton face that rides through the cosmos and smites your enemies with illness? If that is not one of the coolest things ever, than you and I shouldn’t be friends.
This Doomtrain fan art from Grrrod on Deviant Art proves I am not alone in my adoration for the DOOMTRAAAAIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNN!
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