Aug 22 2012
Everyone in Old Man Logan
Much like Ultimatum, Old Man Logan was a grim story, filled with some truly unsettling death scenes.
It takes place in a dystopian future where most of the world’s superheros have been killed off. Wolverine is (obviously) old, and has given up his Wolverine ways to seek a quite, rural life with his family. But, The Hulk is now the leader of some inbred freak clan (he was banging She-Hulk, no joke) and they sort of have this Hills Have Eyes vibe to this whole story.
Did I fail to mention Wolverine is a real pussy for the first half of this book?
So long story short, Wolverine had better come up with some money to pay off the inbred Hulk family, or they will kill his family. So Wolverine goes off to get money. He comes across some fallen heroes, and some more fall. Like this moment, when Red Skull eyef*cks Captain America with his thumbs.
Yeah, Red Skulls thing in this book is killing heroes and housing their armor and outfits in The White House. It is bleak, but I kinda dig it, I won’t lie.
Luckily, Wolverine is not pulling anymore punches, and he confronts Red Skull. He still refuses to pop his claws, but that doesn’t mean he can’t cut off Red Skull’s head with a shield.
Because, you know, this is WAY less savage.
He then gets his money, and finds out that the Hulks Have Eyes already killed his family. So he goes extra ape-shit and finally pops his claws. This culminates with all the Hulk rednecks being killed off brutally.
“He had a fly on his forehead a second ago, I swear!”
He finally confronts Hulk, who, ofcourse, eats him.
Because, well, Hulk seems to be really sadistic to Wolverine in these alt.Universe tales, huh? But guess what? You never eat a Wolverine on an empty stomach!! Man, why didn’t Wolverine say that when he popped out of the Hulk?
Every time I write these comic lists, I realize that comic books may be the most disturbing medium of all at.
So then, after he pops out and finishes with his final killings, Wolverine (unofficially) adopts the last Hulk baby from the tribe and promises to himself that he will raise it right and give it a chance, and he puts it into a backpack and rides off into the sunset.
Wow, now that I have typed that all out, I can see how utterly-mind-blowingly-bat-shit-insane it is. Which is just why I love it.
Robin getting beaten to death by YOU PEOPLE AND YOUR EVIL WAYS.
Punisher beats in Doctor Dooms face until it squishes.
When KLANG turns to SQUITCH, you know you have hit meat and bone.
Every single person you love from The Walking Dead. No, seriously, season 3 is going to mess you guys up.
Cyclops in X-Men: The Last Stand. HAHAHAHA, I am just kidding. How lame was that?
Oh, and my homeboy, Deadpool, is killing all of the Marvel universe right now. I won’t ruin it, but what is NOT to love about that concept?
Oh, sweet Deadpool. My disfigured muse, covered in crimson.
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