Aug 15 2012
Yes, you read that correctly. For this article, I am going to randomly reach in my comic box and pick six comics that I will then read again, completely out of context of the rest of the material, and I’ll then talk a bit about each one. It may seem like a silly article to you guys, but think about how much fun this is for me? I have about two hundred comics in this box, and they were collected between the eighties and now.
Think about how insane a gamut we are about to run. From the cheesy, over-muscled 90′s mutant era, to the influx of massive Marvel events in the last decade, this box is bound to have some gems, and some stinkers. And for the sake of this piece, I hope I pull a bit of both, actually.
Judge Dredd # 16
When you hear what this thing is named, you’ll shit bricks.
Right away, I am both excited and terrified about this article. Excited because there is a new Judge Dredd movie coming out next month, which makes this random grab even cooler. What makes me terrified is what this zombie mutant from this issue is named. It is named, and I quote, the Fink. Any Unreality reader should know, we have our own Fink here, which makes me think random things aren’t so random.
What are the chances I would have pulled my one Judge Dredd book a month before the movie’s release, and that the main bad guy in the issue would be named after one of our very own? Slim, the chances are slim. And it is odd. Odd and coincidental.
Oh, and the issue? The Fink is a mutant (ofcourse) who has been subjected to years of harsh radiation. He started out as a”cursed Earth Desperado”, but drank some bad water, and became The Fink. Or some similar logic.
How the f*ck he got a hat for his rat I will never know, but I respect it.
So The Fink and Judge Dredd meet up in the sewers and fight, and Dredd kills Fink with his own pet rat, by having it burrow into his chest. And the name of the issue: He Comes To Kill The Fink. Sorry TJ, I know this all seems weird, but I swear, it’s not me, the Divine Gods have spoken.
And for people who think this article isn’t random, or these really aren’t my comics:
Not only is that my comic box and my Dredd issue sixteen, it is also a skeleton screaming my name and your Dad’s severed ear. Bam, how’s that for instant credibility!
So with that photo, I hope I put your minds at ease regarding the authenticity of this piece. There are also hints hidden in this photo about future unwritten articles, but no one will notice those because I am insane.
I would love to tell you it’s a forced crossover and doesn’t work at all, but Holy Shit, it might be the best story either team has ever had.
This is like the Billy Joel of comic books. Everyone rolls their eyes and acts like they hate it, but secretly, everyone is like “PIANO MAN! That’s my jam!”
This series, which was an IDW mashup of the Gi Joe series and the Transformer series, was handled with such maturity and love for both franchises that you read it and think: If they had decided not to do individual Gi-Joe and Trasformers movies, and just made this EXACT mini-series into a movie, it would have been the best movie ever made.
No, really. It would’ve been. If Bay didn’t touch it. Or look at it. Or think about it at all.
I know this is the cover of issue #3, but how BADASS does Cobra Commander look right here?
The story is your basic “human woke up the Transformers again, and now they must battle.” But in this case, they were awoken in the Gi-Joe world. So ofcourse, Cobra sides with the Decepticons and the Joes side with the Autobots. It may sound sort of lame, like something you would do with your own toys when you got too bored, but trust me when I tell you, the Snake Eyes and Stormshadow story gets better treatment here then it was EVER given in any other story.
And the battle that goes down between the two over the course of this series was one of the biggest and baddest moments of fandom I ever experienced as an adult. So glad I pulled this, gonna pull the rest of the series now. Plus, the stylized art by Jae Lee gives this book the grittiest look either franchise has ever had. Just do yourself a favor and don’t read the sequel. It is pure trash and loses all the grit that this version has.
Yup, your eyes are not deceiving you, this happened.
Kind of hilarious I pull this comic out at issue five. I bet part of you is just dying to know why Batman (with a massive, phallic chin) is facing off against a crimson werewolf. Well, take comfort in knowing the werewolf is quite brown in the issue. Well, a brownish-orange is more accurate.
Oh, the story, you wanna WHY this happened? Sorry, this is issue five, gotta go with what I pulled. Even though I dashed that rule for the last entry. I was drunk then, but it wore off.
So by issue five, the townsfolk are all like “Come out of that cave and give us that werewolf, and that other weird ass creature that has all the eyes and stuff!” and Batman is like. SCRATCH IS NO WEREWOLF, HE IS JUST A BOY!!! but when he is saying that, they kind of turn and kill the other creature. Who was the Sheriff, I think? Shit, even I don’t know, and I’ve read the series multiple times. It is a weird morality tale about judging people because they look different.
The only reason I bought the series is because I love Batman, and I love Sam Keith’s super stylized artwork.
Funny thing is, this was a fad in this time in comics. This kinda story used to happen a lot. There was a Spiderman storyline from the McFarlane period, where Wendigo is accused of eating a bunch of kids, and he hides out in a cave. And Spiderman and Wolverine figure out it was the Sheriff. No joke, same story pretty much.
The Misunderstood Beast. Do we have a new trope here, people? Hardly new, I know. I just get excited easily.
SO HAPPY I PULLED THIS BOOK JUST NOW. Mind blowing stuff.
Ah, DC Focus was like DC Vertigo. It was DC making a conscientious attempt to break away from the “superhero in tights” model that had driven them for so long.
I found the whole Kinetic series in a bargain bin box for a quarter each issue. A fact I find almost impossible to comprehend after reading the story. Put this one up there with Mouse Guard as the books I am shocked have not been adapted to screen yet. Kinetic is like the show Heroes, mixed with the comic Kickass, only long before both of them. And better.
Kinetic focuses on a young boy and the constant pampering and babying from his over bearing Mother. We know he is sick, but we don’t know why (or IS HE??). We see his Mother has an almost freakish level of control (Munchausen Syndrome?) and over the course of the first issue, we have no idea why or what’s going on, but it is incredibly hard to put down.
Spoiler Alert: Shit gets AWESOME! And pretty twisted, too.
I am only talking about the issue I pulled, which was issue one. So I will tell you this, the issue ends with our lead, Tom, getting hit by an eighteen wheeler. Well, ALMOST getting hit. ABOUT to get hit is most accurate. If that doesn’t make you want to read issue two, you must not be a big fan of the cliff hanger. Or natural curiosity.
Huge props to the FRACTION comic (thanks for the correction Chris!) from the DC Focus line as well. Basically a story about a group of guys who find different parts of a superhero suit (think Iron Man), and how they think it will fix all their problems and it only ends up f*cking their lives up even worse.
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