Aug 08 2012

Video Game Characters Who Would Dominate the Olympics

Published by at 12:00 pm under Lists,Video Games

I doubt I’m the first person to ever think of this, but screw it, I’m doing it anyway. With the Olympics drawing to a close, I wondered who from the video game world might dominate the events if they were in fact real.

The answers? A laundry list of names that you can check out below. I matched each character with an event I thought they’d destroy, and I’d love for you to chime in with your own suggestions in the comments.

Some are obvious, some took some thinking. See what you make of my picks below:

100 Yard (well, any yard) Dash – Sonic the Hedgehog

I never understood why they had Sonic run events against Mario in those crappy Olympics games. How could he ever NOT win against an obese Italian plumber?

High Jump – Chell (Portal)

Just need a bit of an angular surface, and a couple portals later she’s launching herself to world records.

Swimming – Princess Ruto (Ocarino of Time)

It might not be fair since she has fins and can breathe underwater, but it was either her or Ecco the Dolphin.

Weightlifting – Bane (Arkham City/Asylum)

Many video game characters can lift trucks over their heads, but few are literally the size of trucks.

Javelin – Nidalee (League of Legends)

Who else do you know as a spear throwing expert in a game?

Beach Volleyball – Team DOA (Dead or Alive)

Were they even good at volleyball? I think most people played this for the picture galleries.

Sumo – E. Honda (Street Fighter)

DQ-ed for too much slapping perhaps.

Diving – Ezio Auditore (Assassin’s Creed)

Incorporate a few flips into his usual dive, and he’ll earn himself the gold.

Gymnastics – Faith (Mirror’s Edge)

When are they going to make parkour an Olympic sport? I mean, if curling is and ping pong are…

Polo – John Marston (Red Dead Redemption)

He’s great on horseback and he’ll put a bullet in you if you get too close to the goal.

Archery – Lara Croft (Tomb Raider)

Apparently she favors the bow in her new gritty reboot. I probably should have gone with Turok.

Fencing – Raiden (Metal Gear Solid)

Someone should probably tell him it’s not a fight to the death.

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11 responses so far

  • Bad Acid

    All disqualified for steroid and vehicular use. :P (heh, foolin’)

  • lazybasterd

    “I doubt I’m the first person to ever think of this, but screw it, I’m doing it anyway.”

    Heh, a few days ago games radar posted a simular article:

    Several are the same actually, notably Sonic and Ezio.
    I do like their weightlifting pick a bit better, picking up a single truck is nothing to The Prince of All Cosmos.

  • GrandWazoo

    You should have used a different main picture. I was expecting to read why Link would have been good at something. Good article, but the picture made me think you were going to talk about other things, so that brought this down to a B-.

  • LazyStef

    Javelin – Valkyrie, Heroes of Newerth !!! :)

  • Mark Miller

    Could Pokemon enter? because I feel like they would dominate at all the events.

  • Nate

    no no no, weight lifting is obviously the hulk

  • Kaniner

    Raphael from Soul Calibur for fencing.

  • heath

    Sorry but, Ryu Hayabusa would dominate the fencing competition

  • Rex Hondo

    “We now return you to Women’s Long-Jump, where Samus Aran’s attempt is still going.”

  • Igor

    Sumo isn’t an olympic sport. Just saying ;)

  • Marin

    I’m pretty sure Link would win in Archery, honestly…not Lara.