Aug 08 2012
I doubt I’m the first person to ever think of this, but screw it, I’m doing it anyway. With the Olympics drawing to a close, I wondered who from the video game world might dominate the events if they were in fact real.
The answers? A laundry list of names that you can check out below. I matched each character with an event I thought they’d destroy, and I’d love for you to chime in with your own suggestions in the comments.
Some are obvious, some took some thinking. See what you make of my picks below:
100 Yard (well, any yard) Dash – Sonic the Hedgehog
I never understood why they had Sonic run events against Mario in those crappy Olympics games. How could he ever NOT win against an obese Italian plumber?
High Jump – Chell (Portal)
Just need a bit of an angular surface, and a couple portals later she’s launching herself to world records.
Swimming – Princess Ruto (Ocarino of Time)
It might not be fair since she has fins and can breathe underwater, but it was either her or Ecco the Dolphin.
Weightlifting – Bane (Arkham City/Asylum)
Many video game characters can lift trucks over their heads, but few are literally the size of trucks.
Javelin – Nidalee (League of Legends)
Who else do you know as a spear throwing expert in a game?
Beach Volleyball – Team DOA (Dead or Alive)
Were they even good at volleyball? I think most people played this for the picture galleries.
Sumo – E. Honda (Street Fighter)
DQ-ed for too much slapping perhaps.
Diving – Ezio Auditore (Assassin’s Creed)
Incorporate a few flips into his usual dive, and he’ll earn himself the gold.
Gymnastics – Faith (Mirror’s Edge)
When are they going to make parkour an Olympic sport? I mean, if curling is and ping pong are…
Polo – John Marston (Red Dead Redemption)
He’s great on horseback and he’ll put a bullet in you if you get too close to the goal.
Archery – Lara Croft (Tomb Raider)
Apparently she favors the bow in her new gritty reboot. I probably should have gone with Turok.
Fencing – Raiden (Metal Gear Solid)
Someone should probably tell him it’s not a fight to the death.
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