Jul 23 2012

Six Awesomely Awesome Deadpool Moments With Deadpool: Featuring Deadpool

Published by at 10:00 am under Comics,Lists

Pulled Some Street Fighter 2 Sh*t on Kitty Pryde

You should never, EVER punch a woman. It is just wrong on so many levels. BUT, if you ARE going to punch a woman, atleast DRAGON PUNCH a woman, Am I RIGHT????!!!

*Crickets

Wait, why are there crickets in here, it’s daytime?

Who drew that stupid hat on Wolverine? Oh man, When I tell him he is going to be so pissed! I mean, note to self. W.W

So like I said, never punch a woman, but when you are on a site filled with nerds, like this one (relax, you guys are SEXY nerds) if you can make a video game reference, DO IT. And while I am being so honest, Kitty Pryde was lucky I was in my Street Fighter 2 phase and not my Mortal Kombat phase, or I would have had to tear out her spine.

Hopefully, right after she got really dizzy and stood there for a minute, and Wolver’Sporks said Fatality. Yes, I thought the whole thing out in my head.

FATALITY! Bam. We just won the Internetz. I sure wish I knew if I could type that here. W.W

If you guys think this is badass, you should see what I did to Ryan Seacrest. Sadly, we made up and I promised him I would never betray his trust again. Maybe I shouldn’t have shared that…

I Done Made A Kid’s Book

How sweet is it that I will tie this all together in a nifty little bundle that will make me look like less of a psychopath to all the good people’s of Unreality?

Don’t answer.

I know, it is stellartacular. Which is like a mix between stellar and testicular. Wait, that might not be what it means. I just made it up. Anyway, I made a kid’s book, full of useful and fun activities and life lessons. I have been told by a bunch of kids it is the best thing they ever read.

Alright, no kids have ever told me that. But they should have. A whole mess of them. Ungrateful miscreants.

We should tell them here how me and Captain America totes fought in between takes. Hey Editor, what is up with captioning? Email a brother back! Thanks. W.W

Note to self: Do not run this pic. Will ruin street cred. Note to self: What is street cred? Ps. Thanks. W.W

Other Awesome Things I Have Done:

Whenever the Hulk runs at me, I laugh. I laugh because I pretend he is Gumby, after years and years of steroid abuse. And honestly, it wasn’t that hard to trick him into impaling himself on a broken pipe so I could collect some of his blood. Big, dumb oaf. Of sounds like loaf. Loaf is a  fun word. Wait, I typed it too many times so it doesn’t look like a real word anymore. I just Googled it, it IS a real word!  *Starts breakdancing.

You guys would SHOCKED to hear how much Marvel ass I have gotten. I mean, from Black Widow to Domino, I have cut my way through the Mavrel U. Well, maybe not ass per se, but I made out with a few of them. May have even touched a superboob. Super boobs are the boobs on female super heroes. I don’t think that is what they are officially called, but I have been calling them that for years. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh yeah. All the chicks I get. And have you seen what I look like?

Note to self: How do I get that much ass looking like this? Note to self: Do not answer. Note to self: Say swagger next time I ask me that. Thanks. W.W

I rubbed one off in Agent X’s bathtub. Nah, I shouldn’t bring that up. No one remembers that comic ,anyway. Alright Wade, pull it together. I think it was Michael Scott from Bladerunner who once said: They can blow us up, but they can’t take our freedom. Wait, that might be wrong. Crap, have we taken our afternoon meds yet? We should probably stop typing stuff now. Oh, one more thing…

If none of that other stuff impresses you , I killed a bunch of mimes once. Everyone seems to appreciate that one on some level.

I guess it is a no go with the captions. Aw well, sucks to be me. Per usual. Again. 

The End

Note to self: Do not write ‘the end’. It feels forced. And make sure to high five self when finished. Untie Remy from box and give him back his life.

The End

Note to self: Why are you still writing ‘The End’? We talked about this.

The End

Dammit, WADE, stop talk-typing!

 





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10 responses so far

  • Piratey

    Best work ever submitted to Unreality.

  • EarthwormJim

    I had such a crush on Lisa Loeb when I was a kid.

  • Jesus Morales

    Amazing. Well done. That shoryuken pic is just way too funny.

  • trashcanman

    Now you are speaking my language, Carreiro. You should have had the bit where Wade get Mjolnir and blasts off singing “God of Thunder” by KISS before flying over to a skyscraper window to ask for some Grey Poupon. Best DP moment not involving the word “shoryuken” ever. Oh God, and this issue where DP switches places with Peter Parker in an old-school Spider-Man issue:

    http://media.comicvine.com/uploads/5/51884/1566190-deadpool_super.jpg

    Read it now. Thank me later.

    And the one where he gets in a “yo momma” joke contest with Spider-Man. Also: Marvel Girl costume; that is all. So many epic Deadpool moments out there. Yeah, other heroes may technically get more ass, but how many of them have won the hearts of Death herself? DP wins the Marvel Universe, baby.

  • http://remycarreiro.com/ Remy Carreiro

    Hey guys, it’s me, Wade. I decided to keep this Remy guy locked up in my hope chest for a few more days and ride out this gig. Did you guys know you could do this job with no pants on? I watch movies and read comics for research? On occasion, I “sext” his girlfriend a picture of my engorged-but-slightly-grotesque man bits. His fridge is also only filled with Capri Suns and mustard, which I find oddly comforting. Anyway, I will knock on the chest and pass along your compliments to him if he is still “with us”. Actually, I might not. The guy is more narcissistic than me, which is saying something.
    THANKS!
    W.W
    Note to self: Find out if it’s OK if I respond to the comments.

  • Nickjaa

    reading this was annoying. don’t write as a comic book character

  • http://remycarreiro.com/ Remy Carreiro

    ” No one asked you, turkey t*ts. Go back to Reddit”

    *Moonwalks out of room

    W.W

  • Pingback: The Perils Of Freelance Writing (Or) All The Stuff You Don't Get To See - Remy Carreiro

  • Josh

    First comment I’ve ever done on Unreality. I felt like i had to, because I thoroughly enjoyed this article. It was fantastic. We need more creative articles like these :)

    • http://www.unrealitymag.com Paul Tassi

      Thanks! Yes, Remy is awesome!

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