Jun 13 2012
Swamp Thing Has Some Trippy Mind Sex
Listen, this is Alan Moore. Do I even need to say anything else?
Plant guy and normal girl want to have sex, but can’t (for obvious reasons) but with the help of a psychoactive plant, they have some insane, sweaty, mind sex.
Yup, mind sex.
Funny thing is, this is as mild as Alan Moore’s sex scenes get.
I sometimes like to pretend this sexual encounter led to the birth of a little red headed girl who could control plants who people would eventually come to know as Poison Ivy. That is not canon, though. That is me being insane and justifying this mindf*ck of a sex scene.
Wanderers: Aviax Has Sex With Dinosaurs
Ok, bear with me here.
There is a squad of interstellar superheroes who go around the galaxy helping people. One of those heroes is a man named Aviax who has the power to change himself into any type of bird. At one point, the team ends up going to different planet. This planet that is filled with a race of dinosaurs who are dying of radiation poisoning. You know, the overused ” We landed on a dinosaur planet and every dinosaur is dying from radiation poisoning” trope that is used way too much in modern story telling.
So Aviax comes up with the mind-numbingly insane idea that if he turns himself into a bird and has sex with all these dinosaurs, than he can help repopulate their planet because birds are so close in relation to dinosaurs, genetically speaking. Also, he is immune to generic radiation, so in his perverted head, this makes perfect sense.
” Shhh, I am repopulating your species, so it is not that weird.”
And the weirdest thing about this: Alan Moore did not write it. All kidding aside, this book was actually being serious about this. I mean, look how tender his caress is of that dinosaur from that picture up there. You cannot force or fake that kind of genuine intimacy.
Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver Have Sex While Wolverine Watches
Well, they didn’t know he was watching from the bushes, like a perv. But I bet YOU didn’t know that in the Ultimates universe, these two are brother and sister. So to clear this up, this headline could have been “Brother and sister have sex on the ground outside while some hairy beast man peeps from the bushes”.
Messed up, right?
I don’t know who is creepier here, them for doing it, or Wolvie for watching.
I mean, at this point, it boils down to some soap opera shit written by the most twisted minds you could ever imagine. It wasn’t until I started doing this list that I realized just how tapped these scenes were. Why do I always do lists that make me feel like I need a shower when I am done with them?
Did you know punching The Hulk in the nuts is foreplay to him. Well, according to this issue it is.
Angel and Buffy doing it flying around in mid air. Bit too pretentious for me, but mindless fun. Too lofty an idea for the show, though. Haha, I said lofty.
The Pro bj scene. I know it is not Superman, but come on, it is Superman. If you haven’t read The Pro, go do so now!
Gwen Stacy and Green Goblin bump uglies. This one hurt my soul. Why Marvel, why???
That last one is up for debate, though.
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