May 30 2012
And this was it, people. The bad film that put a nail in the “liking bad films” coffin for me. This film is such a massive misstep in filmmaking, that to even talk about it is sucking intelligent thoughts out of my head, and replacing them with bad flash animations of bird clip art.
You think I am exaggerating? Oh really?
But to understand, it takes a good 45 minutes to get to the actual bird attacks. And those forty five minutes are filled with acting like this:
The lead actor in this film makes your most awkward friend seem as smooth as Johnny Depp.
And this film has what very well may be the most awkward dancing scene ever put on film, and most dancing scenes are awkward, so imagine just how awkward it is.
Well here, see for yourself:
I deliberately found a clip with out of sync audio, to make it all even more crappier. You can even see the actors making fun of the scene IN the scene.
I will admit this, though. That scene you just saw, with that song: Just Hanging Out With My Family. Yeah, I love that scene and I love that singer. His name is Damien Carter and he is just so terribly awesome that he shoots this movie from the stratosphere into the stars. I know I bring up Tim and Eric a lot, and I am about to again, because Damien Carter seems like a Tim and Eric character to me.
Side note: He got rather famous (?) as a result of this moment in the film, and you can book him for parties and weddings and such.
If I ever get married, I already told my lady fair that Damien Carter WILL be playing Hanging Out With My Family.
See, THAT is how much I adore bad films.
Every single thing about them.
But this film, Birdemic, is the movie that peaked my love for bad films, and since then, nothing has compared, to the point where I stopped looking.
While I was researching this piece, though, I discovered that Birdemic director James Nguyen has begun to work on the sequel: Birdemic 2: The Ressurection. And I honestly don’t think I have ever been more excited about an inevtiable piece of crap in my life.
Oh, and it is in 3D.
Yes, this is actually happening. Jesus IS magic!
Wicker Man (remake): Nic Cage has so many terribly amazing moments in this movie, it is hard to pick just one. Every one goes with “NOT THE BEES?!!” moment at the end of the film, but I much prefer when he asks the woman if they have a shark in the burlap bag they are carrying. Because, you know, so many woman tote around bags with sharks.
Plan 9 From Outer Space: Ed Wood is the master of films that are so bad they are good, and this is his masterpiece.
Manos: The Hands of Fate: This movie was made on a bet. That is not a joke, look it up. Torgo, the weird secondary character, owns part of my heart.
Showgirls: I am sorry, but this movie, like most Paul Verhoeven movies, is a trip. Sloppy sex, crappy dancing, and Saved By The Bell vah-jay-jay. Sign me up.
Road House: Yeah, I said it. Swayze for life.
Swayze throat removal services did fairly well its first day.
Every single movie on the SyFy network. Seriously, if that networked churned out any more hilariously crappy films than they already do, I would think they were related to Dino De Laurentiis. No one is going to get that reference, but it is astute and witty, trust me.
Killer Klowns From Outer Space: Now THIS is the best worst movie, ever.
For the win.
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