May 22 2012

Six Movie Love Scenes That Scarred Me For Life

Published by at 10:00 am under Lists,Movies

Any normal adult understands that sex does not always go as smoothly in real life as it is often portrayed on screen. There are various factors that can make sex less than amazing,and these factors can show up  at any time. From being caught in the act by an outside party, to one of the peoples bodies making an odd and unexpected sound, it can really be a gamble, and you are never quite sure how it will go.

And though sex is usually portrayed as hot and steamy on film, there are some directors and writers who have no fear in showing the less appealing sides to sex, even if we don’t want to see it. The following scenes are six examples of sex that could potentially ruin the act itself for the viewer.

Howard the Duck

Though I touched on this in one of my first ever pieces for this site, it would be a sin not to place it on this list. The implied sex between Beverly and Howard in this film is just too weird and too strange to be acceptable. I know Howard is portrayed as a sort of badass who is very much human-esque, but at no point is he or was he ever a human, so it really is just sex with a duck.

Sex with a duck in a kids film.

Sex with a duck in kid’s film that has demon possession.

Wow, Howard the Duck was a pretty screwed up flick, huh?

httpv://youtu.be/ZIOCaOpBGpE

And I still think this and Back to the Future cast Lea Thompson in a very odd light in my eyes, sexually speaking, that still lingers.

While Howard really was an entirely strange film, filled from beginning to end with inappropriate weirdness, it was that single moment, when a half naked punk rocker gets into bed with an anthropomorphic duck, that I realized everything I had ever been taught about sex was a lie.

Super

I like Ellen Page and I like Rainn Wilson. I also like makeshift super heroes and gritty, realistic violence. So ofcourse, I thought I would love this film. But for a film that aims to make the audience shocked and uncomfortable at times, (spoiler alert) it REALLY succeeds in the sex scene between the two. Well, not so much sex scene as much as Ellen Page raping Rainn Wilson.

Wait a second. Rainn Wilson is here, and James Spader is a little further up the list. Now that I think about it, why are so many cast members from The Office on this list? Am I the only one who finds that odd?

Learn from my mistake and do not let this pic fool you into thinking you will dig this sex scene.

And while the overall tone of the movie was very dark (I call Super the indie, adult version of Kickass), this scene really stood out. I remember my girlfriend and I just sitting there, in silence, sort of amazed that we were watching Juno reverse rape Dwight.

Wow, when I put it like that I almost want to watch it again.

Teeth

In a movie about a girl whose vah jay jay grows teeth, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that there is a scarring “love scene”. Well, there are multiple actually. I wouldn’t even call them love scenes so much as “this girl lives in the rapiest town in the world, and if I had lady privates and lived there, I would grow teeth down there, too!”  kind of way.

That is a job hazard when you are a pervert.

And the thing about these scenes is that they just get worse and worse. The scene from that photo above happens, and you are sort of grossed out, but you can respect the B-movie charm  of it all (did I just use the word charm to describe a vag with teeth biting off some fingers?), but it just gets worse and worse, until finally the scene in the cave happens and, well, scarred for life. Us and the creepy boy who basically gets what he deserves.

I just sounded like an emo girl.

Anyway, just because he deserved it, doesn’t mean I need to see it. I guess that is what I get for watching this movie and knowing full well what it was about.

Trick people you know into thinking this movie is about an insecure girl who needs braces and you can get them about 20 minutes into the movie, which is just about to the first shocking moment, and just to see their reaction is well worth the watching of this film.

Almost.





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30 responses so far

  • Cassidy

    Who else caught Antonio Banderas’ “The Skin I Live In” last year? The sex scenes were weird, but not really life scarring.
    But this was one of the more disturbing films for me last year (I haven’t watched Sleeping Beauty). Seriously, Antonio plays one messed up dude, and you don’t even realise how messed up until near the end.

  • Nick

    The “love” scenes in Gasper Noe’s movies have definitely scarred me for life.

  • SoloOnTheRocks

    SPLICE. That is all.

  • Treznor

    A Serbian Film… Nuff said

  • https://www.facebook.com/asleepinsidemysoul Remy Carreiro

    @ Cassidy, I have yet to see Skin I Live In so cannot confirm.
    @Those aren’t “love” scenes, those are tragedy scenes.
    @SoloOnTheRocks, have to agree with you on that one. The inferred inter species incest was tough to swallow.
    And Treznor, those were “love” scenes? A guy banging a plastic doll is not a love scene, but maybe the boner in the eye socket could be here hahaha

  • Kronos

    What do you mean “reverse raped”? I don’t know the Rob Lowe movie you’re talking about, but I am just curious what do you mean by that term?
    If one person had sex with another against their will it’s rape. I don’t really see the potential for reversal. It’s a pretty symetrical interaction.

  • Mike

    Oh, Remy, why do you put yourself through these films? I’m amazed you’re not a completely jaded and hollow shell of a man, who has been so desensitized by the most disturbing of images that he no longer feels or understands concepts like hope, compassion and joy.

    There is good reason I would avoid watching these films despite morbid curiosity, it’s the same reason I have not, and never intend to watch two girls one cup.

  • Sara C.

    Kronos speaks the truth. There’s no such thing as reverse rape. Just like there’s no such thing as reverse racism, or reverse sexism. Also, I know this is just a typo, but “I pride myself on having a huge pallet for weird, twisted stuff” made me laugh like a dork at my desk. A pallet is a wooden skid you put a bunch of stuff on and movie around with a forklift. Your palate for something describes your taste for it. I want to see your huge pallet of weird, twisted stuff! Pics or doesn’t exist in the same warehouse as the Ark of Covenant from Raiders!

  • Sara C.

    Ugh, speaking of typos: move around with a forklift, not movie around. Though I’d like to see that, too.

  • Bigdog

    A few years ago I watched Irreversible… tried anyways. That scene, too real. Took me some time to shake it

  • https://www.facebook.com/asleepinsidemysoul Remy Carreiro

    My lady and I had a long discussion about the term reverse rape after I wrote the piece but before I published it. She said people would jump all over me for it. I told her there was an ironic element to that statement. Than we both laughed, and got on with our lives. I guess I figured you guys would laugh it off, seeing the absurdity of the overall piece, alas, she read you better than I, and I learned. Which is cool. I like to learn.
    Also, @Sara C, you underestimate me, and I thought we were well past that. The Gods of typos and karma struck you immediately. lulz.
    http://i01.i.aliimg.com/photo/v0/110693389/WM_Toy_Pallet_Assorted_Toy_Pallets_Price.jpg
    @Bigdog, yeah, that movie is a soul destroying experience.

  • Sara C.

    Your pallet is impressive. As is your palate, for that matter. And I’m glad to have helped you to learn the most important lesson of all: assume your girlfriend is right until proven otherwise.

  • trashcanman

    Ick. I remember seeing that Howard the Duck scene as a kid. I wasn’t scarred so much as confused and weirded out and I didn’t even know why until later in life. Fuck you George Lucas…..for so very many things. Splice was icky as shit. Nice one on Super too. I am as hot for Ellen Page as I ever will be for a girl who looks like she’s goddamn 13 (which also gives me confused feelings), but that scene was just awful for me. But awful in the way it was meant to be which means awesome. How about Ripley loving the alien in Alien Resurrection? Awkwaaaaaard. Also have you seen Gummo? I recommend it if you want to see more disturbing images to haunt your soul. Mentally handicapped inbred prostitute servicing young redneck boys. That is all.

  • john v.

    @Bigdog – Couldn’t agree more about Irreversible. That’s a movie I will only ever watch once.

    @SoloOnTheRocks – I lol’ed at that “love” scene in Splice. I wouldn’t say it scarred me for life, but it definitely scarred me from ever taking that movie seriously.

    and yes, the Howard the Duck love scene. I remember being a kid when I watched it, aroused by Lea Thompson in panties and completely freaked out by her having sexual relations with a duck. Too weird.

  • kate the great

    The movie where Rob Lowe is raped? You might be thinking of “The Stand.” He’s not retarded, he’s deaf/mute, and he’s not raped, he just has sex with an extremely creepy and insane person, but it sounds like this is what you’re thinking of.

  • Wite Boy

    the first Species movie… when i was a kid…. dear god…

  • OhGodWhy

    You forgot Splice.
    That is just.. There are no words.

  • T

    Two I have to mention, sex scene in Monster Ball. I REALLY did NOT want to know what Billy Bob Thorton looked like naked. Seriously.

    The second… Well, most will know it as Neo’s pasty white ass. I would totally rejoin the Matrix just to have that wiped from my mind forever.

  • Levi

    if you think splice was in any way disturbing you have some serious movie watching to do.

  • Steve p

    You forgot Pink Flamingoes.

    Which scene? All of them.

  • Carmen

    Agree with Irreversible and Splice. Just … ugh!

  • https://www.facebook.com/asleepinsidemysoul Remy Carreiro

    @Levi, you sound like someone who watched 120 Days of Sodom or A Serbian Film, but those films are just shocking to be shocking and hold no cinematic value other than making people sick or pushing a non-existent envelope. Yeah, not so much my goal with this piece, but appreciate the feedback none the less. @ Steve P, I actually had Pink Flamingos on here, and then just was so repulsed by having to face it again I took it off the list. Good call. Even thinking about it has me gagging.

  • Brian Jacobson

    You need to include “Sideways” in there. Maybe the sex scene in “Scary Movie”.

  • Michael

    You are right. The Rob Lowe Movie you are trying to forget is Square Dance. Thanks for the warning. I will try to avoid these films.

  • krisseybee

    I watched all of Sleeping Beauty. It was pretty disturbing. But strangely enough… I liked it. (Wonders if I should start dating old men… j/k) another very uncomfortable film Me You and Everyone We Know. There’s the two young teen girls who have this weird relationship with an old man… which leads them to give oral to a boy their own age… then the kid who is on a dating chatroom and tells a lady he wants to “poop back and forth” forever. Then meets the woman in real life… and she kisses him when she realizes her dirty conversations were with a small child!

  • Seriously?

    This is the list? Really? This is tame.

    If these movies really did upset/scar you, then you haven’t been on the internet very long.

  • Jen

    This is a really tame movie, especially in this context. But as a kid, I always hated the love scene in the movie BIG. Especially in the end when she drops him off and it shows how oversized Tom Hanks clothes are on him, and you realize how young he is, and that she’d been sleeping with him. It was very “ugh” for me.

  • Harvey Addams

    Basically… all of Hotel New Hampshire.

  • https://www.facebook.com/asleepinsidemysoul Remy Carreiro

    @Seriously,
    yeah, I have only had interwebz in my state for two weeks, so give me some time to acclimate myself with the filth it is famous for.
    Or,
    you could just go back to my first few “most shocking moments” lists I made on this site, see the part about the person being “raped to death”, and realize I have toned it down on purpose, because I was encouraged to do so. Either way, your call…

  • Remy LeBeau

    Ever seen “Searching for Mr. Goodbar”? *Shudder*

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