Apr 26 2012
I have no idea why, but something in my daily travels recently reminded me of the movie Hook. And when it did, my very next thought was this: “I need to watch that movie again immediately.” I woke up last Sunday morning without really knowing what to do with myself, and since it was too early for pants: Neverland time.
And oh my God was that the best decision. I haven’t seen this movie in at least 15 years, and it’s just as awesome as I remembered. This thing sent me into nostalgia overload, and I wasn’t even stoned. (As our editors have mentioned before, here at Unreality we do not condone drug abuse.) In all seriousness, though, I’d be hard-pressed to find a single friend or acquaintance who didn’t love this movie, and I distinctly remember my obsession with human flight after watching it at the age of six. What’s kind of cool, though, is that two decades worth of growing up makes me love the flick even more. As it turns out, six-year-old TJ wasn’t super attentive; if I had a time machine, I’d go back to 1991 just to slap him in the back of the head and yell, “Pay attention, doofus! You’re missing all the good stuff!” (That’s a lie. I’d probably travel back to 15th-century England with a few iPads and a solar charger. I’d go down as the raddest wizard in history.)
“…and kazaam, that’s how you save an .mk4 to the hard drive. Now we
can watch Lady McFooth walk around naked without even spending the
night in her armoire.”
Here’s some of the stuff I realized during my latest visit to Neverland. Stuff that six-year-old TJ completely missed. That, or it flew way the hell over his head.
This movie’s 21 years old already??
Seriously, I still kind of refuse to believe this. First of all, this info reminded me yet again that outside forces are dragging me into adulthood, kicking and screaming. Secondly, even after all these years, the film still felt pretty timeless when the credits rolled. The cell phones and clothing styles are dated, of course, but once I got to Neverland, the movie felt as new and magical as it did the day I first watched it. (Plus English towns all look the same age when they’re covered in snow anyway.) I got so lost in the movie, actually, that it took an embarrassingly long time to realize that…
Holy shit, that’s Dustin Hoffman!
Rufio was my man back in the day, but this time around, Hook was easily my favorite character. I’ve seen Dustin Hoffman in myriad movies over the years, and he’s an amazing actor, but I especially love him as a playfully vicious, psychologically flawed swashbuckler. And hey, speaking of Hook…
Hook is depressed, suicidal, and probably other stuff I can’t put my finger on
Whoa, that scene gets a bit dark, doesn’t it? Six-year-old me sure wasn’t familiar with the concept of taking one’s own life. Hell, I didn’t think twice about it when Hook stuck a loaded gun to his head; I was probably too busy giggling at his bumbling sidekick. And as long as we’re on the subject of the macabre…
There’s a surprising amount of death/torture in Neverland
For one, pirates seem to get offed left and right in this flick. It’s pretty goofy most of the time, but Rufio is pretty staunch about the Lost Boys’ policy on pirate-killing, and so is Hook when he STABS RUFIO IN THE GODDAMN HEART. How did that not scar me for life?? And does anyone else remember the Boo Box? Jesus, now I remember why my younger brothers hated me so much during my teens…
“Inside the Boo Box, down by the sea, yeah
My friends are assholes and they’re tossing scorpions on me”
“Turn down the main mast, mateys!”
Did Smee just make an erection joke? I’m pretty sure that’s an erection joke.
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