Mar 26 2012
Rihanna gets her
paycheck Battleship on.
As long as there is source material in this world, you can bet Hollywood will buy the rights to it and turn it into a movie. At first it was books and plays, and then comics, concept albums and worse books. Then, in 1985, we got Clue. I love Clue actually. Tim Curry, Madeline Kahn, and Christopher Lloyd running around a mansion murdering people and being sassy? I’m in. But Clue set a dangerous precedent – the usage of a board game as inspiration for a major motion picture.
“Mrs. Peacock was a man?”
Jumping ahead to 2012, audiences around the world will soon be treated to the travesty of Battleship. Starring Liam Neeson and Rihanna, this summer “blockbuster” is looking to be a public service announcement on how not to spend $200 million. Yes, I’m being highly critical of a product I’ve yet to see, but that product is a movie based on the game Battleship. Couple that with news that Adam Sandler is set to star in a live-action version of Candyland, and I’d say the Mayan calendar might not be too far off-base.
In the spirit of board games being the newest craze for uninspired screenwriters, here are five board games I fear may make the leap to the big screen.
1. Don’t Wake Daddy
Potential Plot: Following the success of Precious, this movie chronicles the domestic abuse endured by two children at the hands of their drunken, depressive father. Ultimately about the redemptive power of love and the strength of family.
Cast: Elle Fanning (Daughter), Asa Butterfield (Son), Nicole Kidman (Mother) and Christoph Waltz (Daddy). Features a touching supportive turn by Don Cheadle as Wise Grocer.
Chance It Could Happen? None. I don’t think they even sell this game anymore.
2. Settlers of Catan
Does anyone else think the people in this promo photo are dressed way too nicely?
Potential Plot: A big budget historical action flick, set in the medieval European world of Catan. Four warring factions of a fractured kingdom duke it out for riches, glory and wool. Think Game of Thrones meets Zack Snyder.
Cast: Christopher Lee as a feeble king fearful for his crown. Laura Linney as his brooding queen. Chris Hemsworth as the arrogant prince from a rival kingdom. Jonah Hill provides comic relief as a drunken ore refiner.
Chance It Could Happen? High. Settlers of Catan is immensely popular at the moment. The complexity of the game coupled with its appealing setting make it a prime candidate to be ruined in film form.
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