Oct 05 2010
KIX cereal is “Kid Tested. Mother Approved”. It makes me laugh every time. I don’t know why, but I hear the KIX slogan or see the box on the supermarket shelf and I start giggling because it sounds oddly perverted.
It’s not the only famous slogan that makes me laugh because of it’s possibility for a double meaning. Some sound so perverted it’s amazing they made it past a marketing department, management and focus groups without someone pointing out the fact they might be interpreted the wrong way by certain people (OH! OH! Look over here! I’m certain people!)
Here are seven famous brand slogans that sound a little too perverted.
“Reach Out And Touch Someone” – (AT&T)
AT&T wanted people to reach out and touch someone and hopefully when you pull your arm back you’ll still have a hand. It could be taken in a different context where you reach out and touch someone, they touch back, and then you discuss and agreed upon price once the whole evening comes to an end. Also, don’t look at me when it’s over, just take the money and your clothes and just leave quietly out the side door.
“It Takes a Tough Man to Make a Tender Chicken” – (Perdue)
Perdue can do many things with chicken: he can make them meatier, make them all the exact same size and pump them full of more illegal hormones than a minor league baseball team. It’s best not to know how Jim and the gang do any of this with a chicken and we certainly shouldn’t want to venture a guess about how he keeps the meat so tender. My guess? Back rubs and butt plugs.
“Do You Have the Bunny Inside?” – (Energizer Max)
Staying with the beastiality theme, “Do You Have The Bunny Inside?” sounds less like a slogan for a battery and more like a line of questioning in an ER when someone comes in with an “accidental animal insertion”. Do you have the bunny inside? Can you feel him moving? Where exactly is the carrot? Do you have insurance?
“Raise Your Hand If You’re Sure” – (Sure)
My father taught me at an early age never to volunteer for anything and always raise your hand after at least ten people did the same. It’s gotten me this far. I’m not raising my hand if I’m Sure because I didn’t hear the first part of that question. “Do you want to test the newest breakthroughs in pooping on command out of your ear canal? Raise your hand if you’re sure.”
“Where’s The Beef?” – (Wendy’s)
This slogan is especially creepy when picturing the original spokeswoman from the Wendy’s ad. Where’s what beef? Oh that beef. You dirty old lady. Do you kiss your mother with that mouth? You do? She is still alive? She must be a hundred years old. What’s her secret to a long life? A sausage every day? Why am I sensing we’ve got a different definition of the word sausage?
“If It Doesn’t Get All Over the Place, It Doesn’t Belong In your Face” (Carl’s Jr.)
This is about to get ten kinds of X-rated so I’ll just let leave this description alone and let the imaginations of the Unreality reader run wild. Ugh, I can’t resist. One joke. Before it was the slogan for Carl’s Jr it was the working title for a Jenna Jameson biography. Next!
“Camels Soothe Your T-Zone” – (Camel)
The T-Zone is fictional, much like the G-spot and the female orgasm in general, but that didn’t stop Camel cigarettes from aiming an entire advertising plan towards 1) making people think there was such a thing as a T-Zone and 2) claiming that their Camel cigarettes hit that fictional zone. Now imagine the T-Zone had nothing to do with your mouth. Now imagine camels where the animal and not the cigarette. Now imagine it’s the title of a movie at a peep show in Tijuana. I think I just threw up in my T-Zone.
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