Sep 02 2010

Five Different Era Action Star Fights I’d Like to See

Published by at 9:01 am under Editorials

Commando

It’s been argued by Madison and myself that action stars just aren’t what they used to be.    It’s just a different breed these days.  I mean are we really to think that guys like Daniel Craig can hold a candle to Arnold?  Things are just different these days.  Maybe it’s the lack of steroids.  Maybe it’s the sleeker more technological films.

But I do miss the days of explosions, stupid lines, and my action heroes being super huge.  Call me crazy.  Call me a little fruity.  Whatever.  But it’s not just the big explosive dudes I miss.  I miss Bruce Lee.  I miss Van Damme.   I miss all those guys.

Well.  That’s my little rant on that.  But what if we could match up some action guys of past eras and have them square off?  Here are five I would love to see throw down….

Bruce Lee vs.  Jackie Chan

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I don’t think anyone on this entire list would really have a chance at Bruce Lee but if there’s a comparable I suppose it has to be Jackie Chan right?  I mean word is Bruce Lee basically kicked anyone’s ass who challenged him and of all the action stars in history he was the best fighter in real life, not just movies.  Jackie Chan is no joke though.  I guess we could put Jet Lee in this mix but Chan is a better fit.

Steven Seagal vs. Chuck Norris

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I put these two together because both get made fun of an equal amount.  The amount of Chuck Norris memes out there has to be unlimited and it’s impossible not to laugh at a Steve Seagal movie.  I think these guys might just stare each other down for at least an hour until someone fell.  And of all the people who are tough, these guys seem the least tough.   It’s just kind of comical.  I think Norris would win but not by much.  Seagal is pretty crafty.

Sean Connery vs.  Pierce Brosnan

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Easily the two best looking Bonds and probably the most similar.  The issue with these guys is that I feel that neither can fight at all.  I think would be a ton of hair pulling and girlish yelling but it would be damned entertaining to watch these two throw down.  I would take Connery simply because he was in The Rock.

Sylvester Stallone vs.  Will Smith

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I had to find a boxing pair and that was not easy to do.  I figured each guy played a champion so why not?  Plus it would be an awesome set up for Rocky VII.   Word is that real heavyweights were commenting on how Smith could fight a real heavyweight bout if he had to (after his training for Ali).  And you’d have to think after all those Rocky’s that Stallone could throw down.  I think Stallone would win in a fight very similar to he and Drago in Rocky IV.

Arnold Schwarzenegger vs.  Dwayne Johnson

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I had to find a comparable for Arnold and honestly there isn’t one.  If anyone had a chance it was clearly The Rock.  But given that he’s now the tooth fairy there is no question here.  Arnold would decimate Johnson.  Although Johnson played football and was a pro wrestler.  The fight might be a hell of a lot closer than one could think.  Eh, who knows.  It would be pretty sweet though.

*Bonus

Jean Claude Van Damme vs. Christian Bale

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I just had to include Van Damme some how.

P.S.  No one can compete with Dolph Lundgren hence why he’s not on here.   He’s just too awesome.





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24 responses so far

  • Lyre

    I think Statham would have been a better match for Van Damme. And I think you over estimate Arnold. I mean, he had a baby! Good list though!

  • Sam

    That picture of christian bale always freaks me out.
    Call me crazy but in an actual fight I would take The Rock (I refuse to call him Dwayne Johnson but by refusing to do so I just called him that. My head hurts) over Arnold. I always got the impression that arnold’s muscles were just for show, and say what you will about wrestling being fake and all but those wrestlers are impressive athletes plus the rock did play college football go he’s got some toughness.
    And just for the record Jet Li* would fare better in a fight against bruce lee than jackie chan, in my opinion.

    • Madison

      Taking the Rock over Arnold isn’t crazy at all. The guy did play DE for UM, meaning he’s an incredible athlete. Arnold is gigantic and insanely strong, but coordination and athleticism go to The Rock.

  • nick

    nothing against Chan Bruce Lee would win. The only person i have seen that may be able to go toe to toe with Lee is a guy named Tony Jaa. If you dont know who he is watch “The Protector”.

  • Pawlit

    I agree with Lyre, JCVD vs Statham would be a cool fight to watch (I think Van Damme would win).
    A movie with both Seagal and Norris would have to have the corniest plot ever – you know they’d both be the ‘good guy’, cause they can’t stand having more dimensions than one in their roles.

  • Bert

    Hell, if we’re talking about action stars let’s go back even further:

    Clint Eastwood vs. Steve McQueen
    John Wayne vs. Charles Bronson
    and maybe even James Coburn vs. Eli Wallach.

  • Jordan Mora

    I agree that Jet Lee and Statham would have been better fits. I also think this shouldn’t be only about fighting power. So I say Jet Lee instead of Jackie Chan simply because Chan belongs to another category, he is almost contemporary to Bruce Lee and his awesomeness comes from his out-of-his-mind stunts. I don’t think there is anyone you can compare him to. In the other hand, Arnold and The Rock are a perfect match, since their careers–even in their flaws–are very similar. Sure, The Scorpion King wasn’t as big as Konnan, and The Rock should have been in something like Avatar or The Matrix in order to get any closer to Terminator, True Lies or Predator. But they both went from muscle monster in a pseudo sport to movie legendary heroes, to action stars, to ridiculous roles, to unexpected turns (gay role and politician). Anyway, they are not that tough, Alberto del Río “Dos Caras” can kick easily their asses.

  • Karin

    “P.S. No one can compete with Dolph Lundgren hence why he’s not on here. He’s just too awesome.”

    Ain’t that the truth. You could have given us (me) a picture though. Preferably one of those less clothed ones with Grace Jones. (What? I’m not drooling…)

  • Christoph

    my first reaction was bogart vs. every modern day actor.
    i would love to see him punch dicaprio in the face.

  • Ugo Strange

    John Wayne vs. Charles Bronson !! HELL YEAH!! Everyone loves The Duke but I’m takin’ Charles Bronson easy !

    Lee Marvin vs. James Coburn

  • http://nerdaverse.com theButterFly

    I totally have to agree with the Tony Jaa vs. Bruce Lee fight mentioned earlier. Chan is an interesting choice and I would love to watch the frustration on Bruce’s face as he chased Chan all over creation. However, Jaa is off the hook in Ong Bok. I think that would make for a better fight.

  • Henrik

    Bale would break Van Damme’s lights and Van Damme would break Bale’s balls.

  • Bert

    @ Ugo – I’d take Bronson too. Apparently he was legitimately an extremely tough man.

    And I was thinking Lee Marvin when I wrote Eli Wallach. Both great actors though. I think the fight would depend on whether Coburn’s knife-throwing skills from The Magnificent Seven were legit or not.

  • Jimmy

    Lee “Marine in the Pacific Campaign” Marvin would decimate the lot of them.

  • Wally

    I’d love to see Stallone pound the piss out of Will Smith (cause you know one way or another Rocky always wins). Also watching the Rock get his ass handed to him by Arnold while spouting some trademark 80’s lines would be great! The stars of the 80’s were much better than the chimps from today.

  • Steve

    I’m actually shocked no one has made a short joke about Sly. Smith is a lot bigger than him. Still, have Smith while training for Ali vs. Stallone while shooting Rocky III (or IV), and I think Sly would still win.

    Ah who am I kidding, Stallone TODAY could kick Smith’s ass.

  • sunchips

    your kidding about seagal right? of all the fighters on the list besides bruce lee, he is by far the toughest. he could literally beat everyone on the list besides chan and lee in real life. hes a 7th degree blackbelt in akido

  • Priest

    Technically, Bruce and Jackie faced off already. Jackie was an extra on the set of “Fists of Fury” as part of the Japanese Dojo. either one against Tony Jaa would be magnificent.

    Chuck Norris has more limited grappling experience, so i give him the edge.

    Connery was a pro bodybuilder back in the day too, just thought it was worth mentioning. even though it might not be enough.

  • Scott

    What happened to Randy Couture? Or Danny Trejo? Couture is a MMA Champ he would beat them all and may even beat Bruce Lee. And I am a huge Bruce Lee fan. Randy’s training and size may be enough to take Lee, maybe. Trejo as a real life gangsta would just shank the B*tch.

  • Cap

    Legend has it that Connery once beat a mobster into unconciousness with a single punch, after the guy showed up on the set of one of his films with a knife and a severe intention to kill him – a feat that Brosnan has yet to deliver. So, I think there wouldn’t be as much”hair pulling and girlish yelling” as you expected, at least not on Connery’s side. Oh, and by the way, the guy hates toupees, so pulling on his remaining hair probably wouldn’t be the best strategy anyway.

  • fiddler crab

    Realiatically I’d pick Bruce lee in a street fight over any other tough-guy actor. But just for the fun of it how about Clint Eastwood vs Chas. Bronson?

    Now here’s a 3-way matchup I’d like to see, whether in a fight, or just tests of strength: Diego Chairs (Butcher Hicks, the smoking prisoner Dirty Harry gave smokes to in “The Dead Pool”) vs Michael Clarke Duncan (“The Geen Mile”) vs Nathan Jones (Achilles’ giant opponent in “Troy”, Jet Lee’s American opponent in “Feerless”). My money would go on Jones, as he actually successfully took part in many strength contests – but they all look real big and scary!

  • http://Ronnexkaundaya@hotmail.com Ronnex katenga kaunda.W

    Chuck norris with steven seagal?u gotta be kiddin’, seagal can beat chan,jet li,tony jaa,donnie yen and funakoshi(founder of karate)..seagal is only man who can withstand bruce lee..no body knows who can win btween these 2 guys….seagal has 7th degree black belt in aikido,black belt in judo,karate and kendo.just imagine!

  • http://Ronnexkaundaya@hotmail.com Ronnex katenga kaunda.W

    Steven seagal and jet lee are only guys who can beat bruce lee…aikido is the best

  • matt

    oh come on – it’d have to be be tony ja against bruce lee. based on ong bahk, it might even be close to fair.

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