Jun 08 2010
Having just seen The Human Centipede, I’ve unfortunately spent a lot of time over the past day or so thinking about what it must be like to be physically attached to someone for the duration of one’s life. And I’m not even referring to being attached via the mouth and anus; attached at the hip is bad enough for me. The whole concept makes me shudder.
Whereas in real life at least one of a pair of conjoined twins has very little chance of living a healthy life, many conjoined twins (or people) in movies and comic books can lead productive if not fantastical lives. Granted, there aren’t too many examples and I’m using “conjoined twins” in the loosest sense possible, but I did what I could to compile this list of 10 pairs (and in one case, triplets) of memorable conjoined characters. As always, if I left someone off, let me know in the comments section.
Katsuro, Lindsay, and Jenny – The Human Centipede
The only non-pair on this list, I had to include this trio simply because they were the inspiration for this list. They’re also unique in that they’re the only ones on this list who weren’t attached from birth. Lindsay and Jenny were friends before the procedure that bound them together; Katsuro was just some poor schmuck whose tissue happened to match theirs. I suppose he could have taken solace knowing that he was chosen to be the front.
Bob and Walt Tenor – Stuck on You
I actually think Stuck on You is a pretty underrated comedy, as both Matt Damon and Greg Kinnear really shine in the Farrelly Brothers comedy about conjoined twins who don’t let being attached to one another stop them from playing sports, pursue a career in acting, and even picking up girls at bars.
Good Ash and Bad Ash – Army of Darkness
Oh, I guess these guys weren’t conjoined at birth, either. Or maybe they are, considering that Bad Ash didn’t exist until his head poked out next to Ash’s. They’re attached for just a few moments, but I think it’s long enough to get a spot on this list.
Good. Bad. I’m the guy with the gun.
Two-Bad – Masters of the Universe
I had the Two-Bad action figure, but he was more of a novelty than someone who would last long in the epic free-for-alls that occurred on my bedroom sofa – Castle Greyskull on one end, Snake Mountain on the other, and the floor was a pit of lava. Unfortunately for Two-Bad, he usually ended up arguing with himself before being melted in the lava below.
Ping and Jing – Big Fish
Some conjoined twins made their living as sideshow freaks in the circus, like Ping and Jing in one of the few recent Tim Burton movies that didn’t star Johnny Depp and wasn’t an exercise in style over substance.
Tom and Barry Howe – Brothers of the Head
Brothers of the Head is a movie about a pair of British conjoined twins who pursue a career in music. I guess being attached kind of rules out one of them playing the drums, though. Interestingly, the film was based on the novel by Brian Aldiss, an accomplished science fiction writer.
Splitzkrieg – Cyberforce
I find it absolutely amazing that Rob Liefeld didn’t create this character.
Blake and Francis Falls – Twin Falls Idaho
Michael Polish directed, starred in, and co-wrote Twin Falls Idaho with his real-life twin brother, Mark. Unlike the Tenors in Stuck on You, life isn’t very fulfilling for the Falls brothers, and this movie has a much more somber and grounded tone.
The Two-Headed Monster – Sesame Street
Long before Sesame Street featured a muppet with AIDS, they were parading around the conjoined twins that were the Two Headed Monster. The twins sure did have a knack for working together to sound out words.
George and Kuato – Total Recall
Open yourrrrr miiiiinddddd!!!!!!
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