Jan 15 2010
When you watch a crappy movie there’s always some character that pisses you off and you realize that you’d rather not see them at all. But it’s rare when you watch a great film that the same thing happens. Generally a great movie means you like most if not all things about the film.
But on occasion, even a great movie will throw some stinkers your way. I had a tough time coming up with this list but it was fun to come up with some of these calls.
Here are five absolutely useless characters in otherwise great movies
Diane Keaton in the Godfather Movies
Keaton plays Michael’s wife Kay. Her original name was Kay Adams. It’s sad because Godfather I and II are clearly two of the best movies in the history of movies and in general movies of that quality are 100% successful in terms of the characters and acting. But let’s face it. It doesn’t get more dull, plain, and irritating as Keaton’s character Kay. While I can certainly understand how that character fits in perfectly to the movie, I’m pretty sure every single scene that involves her (except when Michael slaps her in the face) is a scene I just don’t need to watch. And that’s the sign of a truly useless character. Every time she’s in the film I think to myself “shut up already.”
Maria De Madeiros in Pulp Fiction
She played Bruce Willis’s love interest Fabienne. I’m pretty sure every time she mentions pancakes, food, or just about anything it makes me want to regurgitate a week’s worth of meals. Good God Fabienne. Shut the hell up. You’re not even remotely attractive and you’re talking about pie and oral pleasure? God she’s gross. I’m pretty sure every time I’ve seen that movie with a friend, whenever Fabienne comes on it gets fast forwarded. Although I do love when Willis yells at her. Otherwise Pulp Fiction as we all know is a phenomenal movie.
Maggie Gyllenhaal in Dark Knight
I just think this is an example of really bad casting. You can’t have an average or below average looking woman playing the role of an incredibly hot woman. It’s nothing against Gyllenhaal because she’s a very good actress and played the role well. However, when you have these guys looking at her as if she’s the jewel of the nile then it just doesn’t click. If it were established that her character wasn’t supposed to be hot then I’d be fine with it but face it, “Hello Beautiful!” coming from the Joker made me think “who the hell is he talking about?” And when Bruce Wayne is walking around with Playmates but only has eyes for her? Come on people.
Jane Brucker in Dirty Dancing
She played Lisa, Baby’s sister. The only thing useful about this character was her large boobs when she was practicing that stupid coconut song. Other than that we really didn’t need to see her at all.
Danny Nucci in Titanic
He played Fabrizio. What in the hell is with his retarded Italian accent? Funny because Nucci is Italian but really can’t do an Italian accent. Of all the characters in this movie did we really need a stupid simple minded sidekick who felt like king of the world too? No, not at all.
*Bonus and debatable: Jar Jar Binks in Phantom Menace
As the entire world knows, Jar Jar Binks is one of the worst movie characters in the history of cinema. The issue is that I’m not sure Phantom Menace qualifies as a great movie. On the flip side, had Binks not been in the movie would it have been great? I’ll let you guys chew on that for a while.
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