Everyone knows about toad licking, but did you know a giraffe could **** you up?

Most human beings are inexplicably drawn to at least some measure of mind-altering substances, from your grandmother sipping her soothingly-caffeinated tea to the dude in Under Armour sweatpants puking out rivers of beer in front of your apartment building at seven o’clock on a Sunday morning.

However, only the few, the visionaries, look at passing wildlife and think, “Hey, I wonder if that creature can get me wasted? Let’s lick it and find out.”

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