Jul 07 2009
The View-Master Movie is Real, I Quit

I didn’t comment on the alleged news that a View-Master movie was being made, because frankly, I thought it was a tragically late April Fool’s joke. But with THR confirming the project’s existence, I’m forced to come out and…
Sigh. I give up. I can’t even launch into another rant about toy movies. I just can’t. When the Hot Wheels movie was announced, I made a joke along the lines of “What’s next, a Slinky movie?”
Well, it’s time to joke no more as I can’t tell if a View-Master movie, a toy that’s a red box which displays pictures when held up to your eyes, is a step above or below a Slinky movie.
I heard someone mention they were giving it the “Transformers treatment.” As if there’s some magic wand that can transform any toy, no matter if it’s an established franchise with known characters and a deep history, or if it’s a red box full of pictures, into a film that grosses the GDP of a small country.
Hot Wheels, Stretch Armstrong, Battleship, Candyland, Monopoly, G.I. Joe, and so many more.
I have nothing more to say.
(Loads gun)
*BANG*
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Pathetic. Where has all the creativity gone? I’d rather sit through a bad movie that at least has some original ideas and concepts.
Wait don’t shoot you have…oh…uh…your in our thoughts Paul.
These movies need to stop. Jesus, they’re making an Astroids movie…ASTROIDS.
When I read the headline I thought it was a movie made to be watched through a View-Master which, while requiring a ton of those little discs, could be interesting. But a move about the View-Master? Seriously Hollywood, what the hell?
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