Jul 06 2009
20 Reasons Transformers 2 Absolutely Sucked
By now, you should know how I feel about Transformers 2. I didn’t review it for Unreality - Paul did a great job of that - but I’ve made my feelings known on this movie in comments sections and other articles. This is going to be the last thing I post on Transformers 2 - unless it comes up in a “list” sometime down the line - because even I can’t deal with this much negativity. I loathed everything about Transformers 2, and no, I wasn’t expecting an Oscar contender. I planned to “turn off my brain,” abandon logic, and to just sit back and enjoy some robot-on-robot violence. I couldn’t - I was hit with a barrage of stupidity and laziness and I hated every second of the movie. There are literally hundreds to pick from, but after the jump, take a look at 20 reasons Transformers 2 absolutely sucked.
1. Sam’s mom eating pot brownies. First of all, pot brownies come in a baggie displaying a marijuana leaf? Second of all, it’s clear Michael Bay has never eaten nor seen anyone eat pot brownies. I assure you he or she wouldn’t act how Sam’s mom did.
2. Devastator’s testicles. It’s amazing to me that a PG-13 movie is aimed at eight-year olds.
3. Sam’s dogs humping each other. Again, who finds this funny? There was absolutely no point at all for Sam’s dogs to be in this movie aside than to show them humping each other.
4. Megan Fox. Yes, of course she’s smoking hot, but if I wanted to see her, I could pick up a magazine or just go on the Internet. She brought nothing to this movie whatsoever; all she did was follow Sam around during chase scenes. Oh, wait, there was something she did…
5. Sam is resurrected because Mikaela (Megan Fox) tells him she loves him. Really. That really happened. It’s 2009 and that happened in a movie released this summer.
6. The goofy twins. Skids and Mudflap. Pretty easily the most annoying characters since Jar-Jar Binks, and I’d say they give him a run for his money. And I know I’m not the first to point this out, but good God, could their depiction be any more racist? Illiterate, gold teeth, and talking about “busting caps?” Where is Al Sharpton on this one?
7. The small decepticon humping Megan Fox’s leg. Hilarious.
8. John Turturo’s underwear. Glad that was added in; I didn’t get enough “Turtuto in his underwear” humor from the first movie.
9. Bumblebee can no longer speak. Why? Because apparently it’s clever to use audio clips and songs for his speech instead of having any type of cohesion with regard to his speech in the first movie. But hell, if I’m looking for consistency, then I’m the idiot.
10. Farting transformers. When the parachute came out of Jetfire’s rear end, that nearly brought the house down. Or no, I must have mistaken the theater’s collective groans for laughter.
11. The action scenes. Look, the argument that “sometimes you just want to shut your brain off and watch some cool action scenes” only works if the action scenes are worth watching. The action scenes in Transformers 2 were anticlimactic, drawn-out, and essentially confusing. I could make out Optimus Prime and Bumblebee, but I must have thought that Megatron was killed about 17 times during this movie.
12. Only a Prime can kill The Fallen. Why? Why the eff not? I am 100% convinced that Michael Bay filmed a boatload of action scenes and the writers were instructed to somehow create a story surrounding those scenes.
13. The frat party Sam attends. I went to some pretty awesome frat parties back in my day, but none of them had $250,000 budgets like the one in Transformers 2 did. Kegs and Beirut? Nah, this one had a light show and a sound system you’d find at a Vegas nightclub.
14. The female decepticon (Pretender) disguised as a college girl. Aside from the fact that this really had nothing to do with the story (which can be said about almost everything in Transformers 2), her presence didn’t even make sense. Let me get this straight: The Decepticons went to the trouble of enrolling this “girl” in Sam’s classes and register her for housing in his dorm so that they could learn what Sam knew before he freaked out in class and wrote those symbols all over the board? OK.
15. Sam’s roommate. Seriously, get worse.
16. The U.S. military has been keeping Transformers secret from the public. Which would be OK except for, you know, the thousands of witnesses who saw giant robots fighting in a major metropolitan city in the first movie. But I guess that stuff is easy to just sweep under the rug.
17. Sam’s bandage on his hand. Does anyone know where this came from? I don’t remember him hurting his hand, and I don’t remember him wrapping his hand with a bandage.
18. Transformers can teleport? OK, fine, whatever. I give up.
19. The Bad Boys II poster in Sam’s dorm room. Because that’s what kids are hanging up in college. Not posters of Belushi with his “College” sweatshirt, and not Einstein with his tongue sticking out, but a Bad Boys II poster. F*ck you, Michael Bay. And while we’re on the topic, Bad Boys II sucked, too.
20. People defending this movie. No, this isn’t part of the movie, but it’s necessarily associated with it, and all it does is make me hate this movie even more. Please, please stop with the “not everything has to be intellectual, sometimes you should be able to just enjoy a summer blockbuster without thinking.” Iron Man was a fun summer blockbuster. So was Star Trek. There is no defending this movie. I think it’s the worst I’ve ever seen. What’s worse is that as long as the general public continues to accept and even embrace these types of movies, our collective intelligence will continue to plummet and our collective attention spans will continue to shorten.
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- Transformers Trailer Mashup
- The Best thing About The New Transformers: It’s All About the Roosevelts
- Michael Bay Signs on For Transformers 3: I Can’t Wait to See What Happens
Wow. So, it’s okay to make fun of old people but not black people? I find one just as offensive as the other, but everybody is harping on the Skids and Mudflap issue yet there hasn’t been one mention of the Jetfire parody. Why is one funny and the other not? Not to mention the stereotypical crazy college room mate, dorm slut, the perky RA, the conspiracy theorist living with his mother, the arrogant government agent high on his own power, etc., etc.? The only way the Skids and Mudflap issue is offensive is if it had of been the ONLY cliché in the whole damn movie.
And if you’re going to slag a movie at least WATCH the damn thing. Sam was not resurrected because Mikaela said she loved him and they certainly did show Sam getting his hand hurt. Where were you? Probably loudly bitching to your buddies and annoying the fuck out of people around.
nice. yes, it sucked.
You forgot when they’re in the Air Museum or whatever (which is supposedly in Washington D.C.) suddenly when Jetfire leads them out they’re in the deserts of Arizona…WTF
Also, the midget at the border… That was random in the worst way possible
The whole thing at the end when the Fallen was destroying the Pyramid to activate a gun to eradicate the Sun was fucking retarded.
That frat party was more like the beginning of a 50-person orgy. Total bullshit. And the girl? That was borderline plaigarism of Terminator.
Megan Fox can’t act.
Shia Lebeouf can’t act.
NO ONE IN THIS FUCKING MOVIE (besides Turturro) can act.
The bandage on his hand was a joke. When they teleported to Egypt he was rolling around on the group screaming about his hand — everyone else was completely uninjured. In the very next scene, the whole group is together and Megan Fox is finishing the PERFECT tape job on his hand. Where did the tape come from? Did someone decide to pack a full medical kit for their jump to Egypt, that they had no idea about until they got there? Silly me to question why things in this movie happen.
Nice list.
I completely agree with you on most of these except for the following points:
In regards to #5: He wasn’t resurrected because she said she loved him, he was done talking to the Prime Lords and just came back to life. She (and I guess you) believes that because she said it, he came back, but the audience knows better.
In regards to #9: When Sam enters the garage he notes that, Bumble Bee’s voicebox had been messing up again, and he can’t speak. So I guess you’re the idiot lol.
In regards to #14: Who says she was enrolled, did we ever see her dorm? She probably never had one. Attendance is so large in first year courses that they don’t take attendance, they wouldn’t know if she was a student or not.
In regards to #17: Right after they transported to Egypt, and they fell to the ground, Sam hurt his hand during the landing. Also, in real life, Shia got into a DIU accident and they almost canceled the film because of it. However, they incorporated this into the film.
I totally agree with everything else. I burst out laughing at the college party scene, and was appalled by the racist characters as well.
Hey Kaz F u, what’s up with up with u people. Point was made no need to go into details and it can be understood as: I love you from M. Fox or as Primes telling him how awesome he is and he has to go back.
Both are awful.
Worst movie ever and thank you stupid people for going to see it will have one more soon
One more thing I loved the fact that highly intelligent race came and build huge weapon to destroy the Sun and after completing it realized that someone is living there
Just plain LOL
Amen to everything you said and more.
And the reason for the bandage was to disguise the fact that Shia hurt himself while driving around drunk. They had to do something to hide his lack of a pinkie.
@Kaz
There were many stereotypes, yes, but the Skids and Mudflap one really seemed to jump out and overdo it.
And if you want to say Sam was Resurrected because he spoke to some Primes in another realm, that may be just as stupid as coming back to life because his girlfriend said she loved him.
@ Parker Jammstein:
Yup. In the world of Michael Bay, midgets are automatically comedy gold. Should have probably included that one.
@ Justin
Consistency and cohesion aren’t a part of Bay’s vocabulary. If tape is needed, just write it into the script!
@ JL
See my above response to Kaz with regard to Sam’s resurrection. Hearing “I love you” and talking to the “Prime Lords” are on about the same level of stupid.
As far as Bumblebee’s voicebox, yes, I caught that, but my point is that it was a lazy, easy technique to have Bumblebee play cute audio clips instead of speak.
I forgot about Shia’s DUI. Makes a bit more sense now.
@ Dude
That’s a great point about the superior “weapon” they created. Wow.
I really don’t get how anyone see’s the Skids and Mudflap robots as racist. They are robots and one is green and the other is…well I don’t remember but I know it wasn’t black. There are plenty of illiterate white dudes sporting some grill work that talk in “ghetto slang”. Anyone pointing out these robots as a racist stereotype are the ones that view African-Americans as that stereotype.
@ ComfortableMadness
You don’t get how people see the twins as racist because they are robots and aren’t black?
Ok.
Haha the college party, touche. Considering those are basically a group of people drinking Keystone watching someone play guitar hero. wiiiiiiiildddd!!!
The poster was just the lamest thing Bay could have possibly done. That movie was the longest piece of crap I’ve ever seen.
@ Laura
If you think the Bad Boys II poster was bad, how about in the first movie when some kid exclaims something along the lines of “This is even cooler than Armageddon!”
Yes, Armageddon, the yardstick against which all things cool should be measured.
@Madison
Yes. Exactly. What is it about them that makes you think they are supposed to be a caricature of African-Americans?
@ ComfortableMadness
The hood slang (bustin a cap), the gold tooth, being illiterate…these are horrible sterotypes associated with African Americans. There is no denying that. If you disagree, you are severely out of touch.
The Bad Boys poster was actually Bay trying to tell the world there will be a third one. Sam writes a giant “3″ on the poster.
I have to agree with Kaz. Yes, the stereotypic (is that even a word?) Mudflap and Skids was unneeded but seriously… who gives a shit? Did anyone come out in the movie and say “This is how all black people act, look, and sound”? No, they did not. They were characters. They were no different than watching anything with Ice Cube, Xzibit, Wayans brothers, etc. in it where they act gangster or something. And if someone says “It’s different when a white person does it”… no, it’s not. It’s exactly the same. Why was no one in outrage over the Wayans Brothers putting on “White” face in White Chicks and acting white? This reason is a bullshit way to rag on this film. Why aren’t old people upset over the Jetfire stereotype?
As for the “Just turn your brain off” reason most people use to defend this film, yeah the action scenes were hard to follow. But all I wanted was fighting robots and lots of big explosions and, yet again, Bay delivered that.
Fox needs to go. Seriously. Go away.
The Transforminator was just… out there. wtf was that all about?
The bandage could have used more explanation but that is how they hid Shia’s severed pinky.
The parents were unneeded completely. The trap that the Decepticons set was just stupid. They couldn’t have captured Sam without his parents?
The frat party can be explained by the fact that Sam is attending a college that costs $40k a year, at least somewhat. If a bunch of kids are going to a 40K a year school, there must be a bunch of trust fund babies with a lot of money to blow. That’s the only explanation I have for it.
I will never forgive Bay for what he did to Turturo. The man is an excellent actor and he was turned into… this. This crap.
I enjoyed this film immensely. It wasn’t good but I really enjoyed it. If only Bay could give Transformers a plot like in The Island or The Rock. The Rock had a relatively weak plot but they made it work really well. The Island was just a brilliant film all around.
@Madison
Yes I see those things being associated with African-Americans. I get that. Yet as I stated earlier there are, in real life, plenty of white guys that use hood slang, have a gold tooth, and are illiterate. The thing is these characters were robots no race attached to them. People screaming racism are the ones that attached a race to them. They are the ones associating those behaviors with African-Americans. Now if Bay comes out and says he intended those robots to mirror, what he thought, African-Americans were then yes very racist. But until then they are just two dumb characters in a very simple movie.
@ ComfortableMadness
I’m glad you acknowledge that those characteristics are unfortunately associated with African Americans. The problem is, even though white kids may act like that, most people still do associate those characterstics with African Americans anyway.
Fortunately, we can both agree that regardless of any racist undertones, the characters were incredibly annoying.
Thanks for reading.
@ Josh
Great comment.
I’m not going to get into it with you as far as what constitutes racism, because frankly, this isn’t the place for it. I thought Skids and Mudflap were racist. I’m also a white dude, so it’s tough for me to really say. Anyway, I think people aren’t upset about the Jetfire sterotype because unless you die, EVERYONE grows old. It’s poking fun at all of us, essentially. With Skids and Mudflap, though…well, you get the idea.
Megan Fox will be forgotten in a couple of years, until her inevitable sex tape surfaces, of course.
Could not agree more on Turturo - guy is a great actor. Why is he doing this crap? (I know the answer is money, but still - have some integrity)
As far as the frat party goes - I went to law school at a pretty expensive place, and the undergraduate school was expensive as hell, too. There were no parties like that. Not even close.
I am glad you enjoyed it, Josh. I wish I could have.
Thanks for reading.
The funny thing is Micheal bay didn’t really do anything in this film that hasn’t been done in Transformers already. Transformers fans know this and the film was made for transformer fans. So If the movie makes a SHIT LOAD of money and your not a transformers fan, why should I care what you think?
I will argue any of the points in this film with you. Email me.
@ #20
The film was made for Transformers fans? No. I don’t think dog humping jokes are aimed at that narrow of a demographic. Sorry.
am i the only one who hasnt watched this movie, and plans to never watch it out of respect for my current levels of average intellect.
seriously, why are people paying to watch shite????
I’m glad to see there’s some voice of reason in the world.
I still don’t understand how can people defend this peace of crap.
@ zsasz
You’re better off not seeing it. Really. You will have missed NOTHING worth seeing.
@ Barrasco
I appreciate your comment; thanks for reading.
I actually liked it. It was fun, I laughed. It was a funny movie. But I also liked The Godfather, Shawshank, Annie Hall, Monty Python. So you know, I don’t really know what a good movie is.
[…] now, you should know how I feel about Transformers 2. I didn’t review it for Unreality - Paul did a great job of that - but I’ve made my feelings […]
[…] For a more extensive list on why this movie (in the author’s opinion) sucked. Check out this article. […]
@ Michael Bay
Holy lord, it’s an honor. I take back everything I’ve written about your films.
Oh god yeah, I agree with all of that. I was seated next to this HUGE woman at the theater who had two jumbo-sized popcorns and an ice cream, and she was cracking up at every single bit of ‘humour’ in the film you mentioned. It really amplified just how terrible it all was.
I might’ve ‘accidentally’ knocked one of her popcorns over, but she was through them within the first 20 minutes.
Lotsa comments here already and I’m far too lazy to read them all, so someone else might have mentioned this already:
I recognize that Transformers 2 was a big, loud, stupid movie. However, I really didn’t take offense when it came to Skids and Mudflap. Yeah, they were racial stereotypes, but hell, half the stuff that came out of Tyrese Gibson’s mouth sounded like racially stereotypical jive talk, and no one cares about that.
Or how about this one: DISNEY. Disney stereotypes race all the time, but when they stick a stereotypically french chef into “The Little Mermaid”, nobody says boo. Michael Bay puts in some ebonics-speaking robots - the good guys who take down Devastator, too - and everybody leaps on. I think the issue was blown way out of proportion.
But yeah, it sucked.
Sam dies and goes to Transformer Heaven.
Best. Scene. Ever.
[…] 20 Reasons Transformers 2 Absolutely Sucked (Unreality Magazine) […]
I agree on everything except this:
18. Transformers can teleport?
In G1, SkyWarp could teleport. He was an airplane decepticon.
[…] Boogie Board Fail Games: Fallout 2 As A Live-Action RPG Movies: 20 Reasons Transformers 2 Absolutely Sucked Funny: Funny Videos From YouTube, Metacafe and Break Pictures: The […]
[…] now, you should know how I feel about Transformers 2. I didn’t review it for Unreality – Paul did a great job of that – but I’ve made […]
Nice list Madison, keep up the good work.
(Why such long winded responses though^, it’s Transformers, not a real movie, and its probably just people bitching, confirming the validity of your last point.)
@ Zak Marlow
Thanks, dude.
And you’re probably right; a movie like this doesn’t warrant anything more than a sentence or two. Oh well.
I saw that movie, and I sort of enjoyed it. Its definitely not the best movie I’ve seen, and I preferred the first. As a black person, I didn’t consider the twins racist towards African Americans. I thought they had hispanic accents. A lot of our stereotypes are their stereotypes also. However, I didn’t notice it, until people pointed it out to me. I tend to ignore racism to the point where I’m oblivious to it. I think Michael Bay went too far with it, and I agree with the comment on White Chicks. <–That movie is something someone should start the racism argument with, but no one does.
All-in-all, there is a bright side: I can bet this movie is better than Bruno.
I just want to know what world this was in the movie. Almost every chick in Sam’s college dorm… HOT. Every chick in the Frat Party… HOT. Every chick walking around in France… HOT.
And I couldn’t help but laugh at how stupid it was that we all got to see Transformer Heaven.
No matter which way you put it, this movie had no climax, just a constant barrage of mediocre action. Michael Bay needs to learn how to choreograph great action… heck, the latest Terminator was better than this movie… even that turd of a movie, Wolverine was better than this.
I still don’t get why the Decepticons still have the worst character designs for robots. They’re not even “cool ugly”, just ugly… like Devastator and Star Scream.
And why would an old Transformer have a beard? Did he have that when he was just created too?
Stupid movie… I want 2 and a half hours and my money back.
The Bad Boys II poster was the best part
I know this is transformers, and I agree with anyone who hates that movie. I also have this to add, why was it called “revenge” of the fallen, who exactly were they wreaking revenge on since The Fallen ALWAYS planned to destroy the sun and no one did anything to him in the first place to warrant that action.
Now to something else,
@ Tessa Bruno… is one of the FUNNIEST movies I’ve ever had to sit through. For those poofs out there who think they are offended by this: think harder. He didn’t invent the stereotype, if he did the people he interacted with wouldn’t have believed him. Choen plays on the minority stereotype and lets the offensive, racist, sexist, facist pigs come to him. What’s offensive is how Choen gets treated as Bruno. Just like with Borat. Don’t know if you noticed but the only people to treat Borat with any desency, and didn’t try to change who he was were some Ghetto drop-kicks, a prostitute, some old Jews, and the GayPride parade. Everyone else thought he must change his ways. Yes some were rediculous but they were fools for believing him. If you are still not convinced about Bruno, then you must also hate Borat. Basically: the people who believed Borat when he brought out the feces, the people who bought that Bruno’s TV show pitch was serious, they obviously believe that foreigners are THAT primitive, that homosexuals are THAT promiscuous. And THEY are who you should be offended by.
PS: I am well aware that the people that disagree with me more than likely still wont find Bruno funny because it’s not a joke if you have to explain it. That’s why they call it “getting it”, get it?
@ Brandon
Trying to make sense of a Michael Bay movie is like trying to nail Jell-o to a wall. Ain’t gonna happen.
@ feargal
I agree with you 100% on Borat and Bruno. It’s not the crude humor that’s funny, it’s the social commentary itself.
why the hell is everyone bitching like whiny little cunts about this movie? I thoughts it was great! Sure, there are some things on this list that I agree with, but i you hate this movie, keep it to yourself and stop ruining it for everyone else like the obnoxious piece of shit that you are.
@ Mack Hopkins
I don’t think I ruined this movie for anyone. It did that all by itself.
Nice job on the name-calling, though. That always gets me off.
Also, if you notice, the defenders of this movie always seem to use the worst grammar and punctuation. Coincidence?
The problem is people like u are so quick to point out which race is being made fu of..I’ve seen Spanish ppl with gold teeth..I’ve heard white people say “bust a cap” it’s not a race thing, its an urban thing. Blacks are not the only people who speak urban language! Sheesh. The movie is science fiction, none of it’s real..it’s not gonna make the most sense. Attempting to critique this kind of movie is a waste of time! A movie like this, I’m all about action. And at the end of the day, Michael Bay made a shitload of money! Lucky fukker.
@ CrazyBeautiful
Fair enough, but the examples you gave seem to be exceptions. I don’t think whites are sterotyped for saying “bust a cap.” You know what I mean?
Racism aside, there were so many things wrong with this movie. My biggest problem is that the action was NOT a saving grace; even the action scenes were average at best. If it was crazy action, I could have dealt with it. Well, maybe not, but I wouldn’t have hated it as much.
No hun, I’m implying exceptions because actions can be applied to people of every race, sadly it gets directed at one particular race or ethnicity. I could name so many horrible stereotypes I’ve heard about different ethnicities, but I don’t want to offend anyone. It just always seems that someone who’s not a minority is always the first to point out what they feel is racism against another race, but in some cases when the racism and discrimination clearly exists (ex: white supremacy, kkk) nothing gets done due to “freedom of speech” or because it’s their [made up] religion.
I don’t think MB crossed the line here. I don’t say “bust a cap” and I’m black. It’s urban lingo. Not Black lingo. I took humor from it and everyone in the theater seemed to as well. If those two dumb robots represented black people, who does Optimus Prime represent? I guess since he was the leader and speaks properly, he represented a white man since blacks clearly only have gold teeth and speak an urban language? See how I just turned that into something far deeper than what it is? Unnecessary.
Some other things on your list made sense though[2-5, 12, 14, even though I don’t remember testicles(thank God) and I thought BumbleBee always used songs from the radio to talk to Shia’s character? Maybe I need to watch the 1st one again]. However, I have to ask, what’s the point? It’s a movie about freakin’ robots! lol. I gave up long ago on trying to really make sense of these kinds of flicks.
I’m a defender of this movie but I am NOT grammatically challenged. I don’t know about anyone else in here but that generalization was a bit distasteful.
Thanks for the debate though. I see where you’re coming from on certain issues, and you’ve made some valid points. I just feel this movie was not the best example to use. Maybe it doesn’t take much to satisfy me because I still thought the movie was great. :-/
@ CrazyBeautiful
Great comment.
Turst me, I’m the last person in the world who is PC, but I thought the twins were just so over the top that they couldn’t be ignored. And even if they weren’t racist, they were incredibly annoying, which I think may have been my original point anyway.
I applaud your grammar and ability to defend this movie without resorting to personal attacks. Well done.
I don’t want people to hate this movie; if you enjoyed it, then clearly I’m missing out. I just happened to hate it and decided to write an article about it on my website, that’s all. It’s all for fun, and if everyone agreed, things would be pretty boring.
Thanks for reading and commenting.
Also, the fiasco in Shnaghai probably would have revealed that there were robots on Earth, its only one of the largest cities in the world.
What happened to barricade?
I’m black but i sort of see/ sorta don’t see how the twins were stereotyped. To me i saw them more as hillbilly wannabe gangsters,but still funny. And also, if we are talking about robots betraying races, what about JAZZ from the first movie. Now to me, he was way blacker than the twins, kinda like a T. Owens, but i guess jazz had class (hahahaha). And i kinda do see how people say that Jar Jar Binks was stereotyped (because the director chosse a black man to play the stupid character), but in all i liked the movie, the first was much better.
Starscream and Blackout (excuse me Grinder) are my favorite characters. Why is it one of them( starscream) is a total wuss to megatron(even thought thats part of the way it is but still…)and why is it that Grinder does almost nothing in the forest fight and gets killed so quickly, i mean c’mon… hes so cool and hes like in the movie for like 2 to 5 minutes( but the way he picked up the car and destroyed the base in the first was cool).
For the action: awesome (just the air force part). I wasn’t even going to see the first movie until i heard that one of the robots transformed into a F-22 Raptor!But some of the clips like the drone coming up the horizon, the decepticons falling to earth,the A-10’s banking (turning),and the surveillance plane with the dome on top ( the E-3 Sentry) were all from the first movie. And the F-18’s that launched of the carriers: where did they go? At the desert fight, I only saw the C-17 Globemasters, F-16’s, F-22’s, 2 A-10s, and 1 B1-B Lancer(which was very awesome that the Air Force is really needed).
ROBOT HEAVEN?!?!?! So what happens when our computers die? Do they go to the Mac Store? Or what happens when they’ve been bad, do they go to some oven or microwave of hell? And if there’s robot heaven, omg, is there a robot GOD??!?! Or A robot jesus? Robot devils.Robot angels? A robot SATAN?! And for a robot heaven, you would think it would look like a airport or something mechanical BUT CLOUDS? IN THE SKY? (no offense to anybody’s religion,okkkkkk).
All this stuff kinda makes you wonder………..
@ velcor62
I totally forgot about Jazz in the first movie. That was an embarassment.
You seem to know a lot about military planes. Cool. I’m guessing these movies were probably much more enjoyable with that knowledge.
Thanks for reading.
Also, how could the government hide all of what happened in the first movie and the Shanghai incident ? So many people died in the first one,like i remember how megatron threw a moving van out of the way and all the destruction would have toke a while to fix( They haven’t even rebuilt the World trade Center),so how would they even fix rebuild a city that was totally ravaged by tank fire,robot wrestling,and air support?
Plus, i think that Bay could have done a better job introducing the new robot characters like sideswipe and arcee like how in the first movie where all the autobots grouped up after l falling to earth. Like you don’t even see Jolt or Ratchet until the final battle for like 30 seconds. And the motorcycles? Could of done better explaining like about who they were and stuff.
Hey, almost all of the things you said are right, im with you 100% in the female decepticon, sam resurrection love mikaela thing, the humping dogs, the goverment transformer secret… and the teleporting transformers..
But you were a little harsh because the movie was hilarious in many parts, of course not entirely but was funny. But the storyline, and the fights could be a lot better.
Great CGI, but i think they waste all in animation and jokes and leave the stories and charactes aside =/.
Details like the bad boys poster, the bandages, the party, etc. These stuff dont matter much at all.
MMM even i think the movie is bad, bad ,bad…, i have seen worse.. its not the same genre but is just the WORST “movie” i ever seen …. “I a dark place” 2006…. just check it out..
@ yuruan
A movie worse than Transformers 2? I have to see it to believe it!
Thanks for reading.
Are you the same person who whined about the same things in teh two other unreality articles? If so: get the fuck over it and dig up some new material.
No, I’m pretty sure that was me.
Oh Korinthian, always a beacon of joy and happiness.
@ Korinthian
Please believe me when I say that you really are one of my favorite readers.
I can understand that..and no problem! Everyone has opinions and every has a voice, might as well use it
Why did they use the cube piece on that plane in the museum? Why not use it on optimus prime?
you see…… i thought some stuff was plain ridiculous, like when they show the UAV (predator) being launched. Now here’s what ticked me off, Predators have a propeller at the back of it, but when they showed the predator approaching the area where the fighting was going on (in Egypt) they showed it having a jet engine…… how did this happen? i think that is just plain lazy, and when they landed in Diego Garcia, I know most people are not going to care because not that many people have been there, that did not even look remotely close to what Diego Garcia looks like, trust me, yes I was also wondering what the heck happened with the F-18’s and why all of a sudden all i was seeing were those little goofy F-18’s the chairforce flies, and some other kind of weird AWACS shit they have.
I want to start off by saying I agree with majority of your points above. Nice job. But at the same time I loved the movie. I think that the action and special effects make up for the lack of a real story line. After I watched the movie, I too realized that the robot fights were confusing. I often found myself wondering what the hell was going on and the spinning camera angles were enough to give me a headache! None the less I can’t deny the fact that the visual effects were amazing. And I enjoyed watching it all the way through… Megan Fox and Shia I thought did a nice job. Well ok they could have been better. My point is that there were a lot of things wrong with this movie. For some people those wrong things were enough to make them hate this movie (like you)… for some people they just ignored it and enjoyed watching the movie (like me).
@Dan
I see your point, and it’s a good one. Glad you were able to enjoy it.
Thanks for reading.
I meant F-16s
nah i didn’t hate it, it just ticks me off that in this day and age, with all the money they dumped into this movie they couldn;t fix a couple of things here and there to not just make me feel like they thing I am that dumb that they can get away with mistakes that obvious. Other than that, the Twins…… My gosh, it wasn;t so much the “racial” thing they had going on , i could care less, i think people are to sensitive abou that, but they were just annoying as hell, they coulda made them chinese for all I care, they were not funny at all, it was like someone grabbed jar jar, multiplied it by two, gave it a different accent and dressed it up like a robot. other than that, i got entertained, hey i only payed $3 dollars a ticket, for me and the wife so i don’t feel so ripped off.
@ Dan
I think people are focused too much on my calling the twins “racist.” I still think they are, but regardless, they were incredibly annoying. Like, the most annoying characters ever.
I love how when new terrible movie comes out, the collective tools that pay to see them dub them as the “worst movie ever.” Now Transformers 2 is from good, and the more I think about it the more it pisses me off but its highly unlikely that it is the worst movie ever made. You simpletones should see the shitfests that are Battlefield Earth, Waterworld, and The Spirit before resorting to such hyperbole. Regardless, it sucked.
@ Alistair
I never said Transformers 2 is the worst movie ever. But it’s worse than Waterworld, that’s for sure.
Battlefield Earth, you may have a point.
Thanks for reading.
I agree with all of these. Thank you for writing them. It’s nice to have them summarized! Sometimes I can’t think of all the reasons this movie sucked so it’s nice to have reference.
As for Bumblebee having his voice box/chip thing broken again, how can they have reattached his LEGS, but can’t fix his voice? Ratchet is the worst Dr. Robot ever.
@ Snoowy
The sad thing is that I could have probably kept going. And yeah, Bumblebee’s limbs and everything else can be repaired easily, but oh, that elusive voicebox. Gimme a break.
Thanks for reading.
Kaz
Yeah they totally showed Sam’s hand getting hurt.
But while megan fox saying she loves him isn’t technically why he came back to life, it’s set up to feel that way, which is just as stupid.
And the thing about the stereotypes. Those other stereotypes are done out of being lazy. An old transformer, RA’s, conspiracy theorists, etc are part of the “plot” (and i use that term loosely) of the story. They’re stereotypes cus Bay isn’t creative enough to think of something else for them. The black transformers stereotype wasn’t necessary at all. It was put in specifically because he wanted a black stereotype. That’s what makes it stupider.
And obviously black ppl are part of a race that has been persecuted for centuries and these stereotypes reinforce that hate. I don’t think even conspiracy theorists care that they’re being portrayed as living with their mom’s. And no the jetfire old person parody wasn’t funny. It just wasn’t as offensive since that is what generally happens to old ppl if they get old enough. It’s accepted as part of getting old.
Damn, number 20 hit it home for me. Every time I said that the movie was horrible I get one of three things:
1) It’s got explosions, so its all right. (Fuck off you cunt. There are thousands of better movies with equal or more violence than Transformers.)
2) Megan Fox is hot. (So is every other Hollywood actress, but I’m not going to see a movie because most of the shots are her ass. You know what, I’ll say that I would want to fuck her too, but I would really only want to do it if she doesn’t talk, I don’t have to do anything with her beforehand, and after its done, I don’t have to be with her.)
3) Not every movie has to be going for an Oscar. Sometimes people just want to watch a stupid Hollywood movie. (I don’t have anything to say, I just want to beat them until the stupid leaves them).
@MizPiz
It’s so nice to see that someone shares my frustrations.
Thanks for reading.
GO FUCK URSELF, TRANSFORMERS WAS AMAZING, MICHAEL BAY WAS AMAZING AND BAD BOYS 3 WAS EPIC, GO WATCH THE SOUND OF MUSIC U FUCKING QUEER RETARDED PRICK. FUCK UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Does anyone else notice the correlation between people who love this movie and how intelligent they sound when posting comments?
Eat a dick faggot
@ lee
Really? Thats your best defense?
You just embarrased yourself.
I mean, go watch the sound of music?
SERIOUSLY? Very creative.
@ Madison
I have agreed with just about every post you have made. I also love how people defending the movie sound so stupid.
OK…you all need help…THIS IS A DAMN MOVIE! I LOVED this movie…I was entertained and did not spend my day thinking of 20 ways to think it sucks. If I wanted to do that, I would have thought about worse movies…LOTS!
Quit the comparing of the two cars and how it is degrading to black or hispanic people…GEEZ…the actors didn’t care…why do you? People threw a fit when Whoopi Goldberg played one of the hyenias on The Lion King. OH…she is being brought down…WAWAWA…what did they forget…WHO THE HELL PLAYED THE FREAKING LION KING???? JAMES EARL JONES!!!
Star Trek was a “fun summer movie” …that just told me what you like, so from the get go, you NEVER should have seen this movie.
I will give you this much…nice way to use your First Ammendment Right…
I’m coming in late on this topic, but have to agree with people saying that this movie sucked. There is the lazy writing, lack of a cohesive script, and total disregard for continuity.
I could have enjoyed the giant robot violence if I had some idea who was fighting and wasn’t battling near motion sickness from the rapidly panning camera and dizzying effects.
I would have to be mentally disabled to believe that Bumblebee didn’t know that something was up with the 600lb size 2 metal girl that sat in him. He played “Brick House” and doused her with fluid. Was he commenting on her tonnage? Does he normally assault women with his bodily fluids? I have no clue.
Every new Transformer that is birthed is a Decepticon. Why? We’ll never know.
No one in the Smithsonian noticed that the insides of Jetfire were nothing like any other SR-71? Did he teleport in and throw the original plane away?
Only a Prime can defeat the Fallen? Why? And while I’m at it, Jetfire can teleport yet he gives Optimus the ability to fly. Kinda like using your ten speed to get a friend to the ER when you have a ZR1 Corvette in the driveway.
I followed the comics, owned the toys, and recorded the cartoon on VHS as a kid. Megatron NEVER answered to anyone. If he did, it was because he was incapacitated or suffered mutiny. When he was able he would crush the faces of those who opposed him and watch the spark fade from their “eyes”. He was the original Decepticon. That’s it. Why invent the fallen? Ughh!!!!!!
I could go on and on, but this wasn’t an entertaining movie. It was painful and boring. My wife knows how much I was entertained by the TF1, so she asked me “Do I have to be a Transformers fan to like this movie?” I replied “No, as a real fan I can honestly say this movie sucks.”
@ JospehIV
Between the two of us, I’m sure we could come up with 100 reasons. Great comment.
[…] that with increasingly vapid big-budget movies being released every year (like this year’s Transformers 2), one may become quite cynical when it comes to over-hyped film. A majority of big-budget movies […]
I lived on Diego Garcia and from what I recall, This is no way close to Diego Garcia, It’ just a small strip of land and the high point being the swiming pool. no mountains n fence etc. etc.
I agree with all of those reasons. I also see that most of the people who want to defend this movie come off sounding stupid.
I’m also white, so I see the racism in the Twins. If you want to call it “urban”-talk whatever, they’re from Cybertron, how many ghettos are there? How do you learn to talk like that? What sites on the “world wide web” were they browsing (one of the things from the first movie that I disliked was how they learned the language) and I don’t understand the offence I can take from Jetfire… I have a grandmother living in my home right now, she is 86, they share qualities… and none of it is funny.
I always go back to the first movie, the real first movie from the 80s. The animated one, where there were 2 humans (if I can recall), and they didn’t affect much, it was okay, but it wasn’t about them. I understand wanting realism, but the movie isn’t called Witwicky, its Transformers. I’ll go as far as to say that the humans are comedic relief (at least that is all they should be), I don’t give two cents about the military fighting off giant robots, if I wanted that I’d watch G.I. Joe.
Number 3 is inevitable, honestly I am unsure where I stand. I really hope, I really do hope that they take their heads out of their rears and pay attention. Make it right, you can’t correct the first two movies, but make the fans happy. Everyone is so damn worried that these movies now-and-days (mostly comic-based or other) won’t catch on as well with the new generation. Screw the new generation, why in the heck are things that we (the fans) made popular need to adapt for people who don’t know what it is??
It just goes to prove, money is everything, whether they ruin old favorites or not. Unless you get the fans involved, its just a name, its just a cash-cow. (I’d say the majority of the people who like this movie are not die-hard fans, so think about it, if you are a die-hard fan and were offended, how many of us are there left? If we stop watching it won’t hurt their wallets, they aren’t going to appease 1,000 when they could feed garbage to 1,000,000 for $9 a head)
EnterTainted, well said. So much stuff in movies that is just filler. Did I need ass humer and butt okes? I still do not find how this is funny unless your getto trash.
I really liked your blog! good
I agree 100% completely! I was watching this yesterday and with the dogs humping, Sam’s mom eating brownies (completely unrealistic) and every other attempt at humor, I quickly realized “this movie blows”. I could not finish it. Had to pop in Star Trek to salvage the night.
Also, maybe it’s just me but the giving of human voices to the Autobots and Decepticons just ruined some of the experience for me. Everything on this has pretty much been said, but again, I agree completely with this list. Keep up the good work!
Michle Bay needs to go see how a real movie is done. Talk to a real director like James Cameron.
OH YEAH…James Cameron was so great and Titanic had great casting and storyline! OY!!! IT IS A FREAKING MOVIE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD…try an enjoy a movie that is fiction…NOT fact.
You have some very valid points. But, I liked this movie a lot. Still, I found some parts of the movie incredibly dumb.
In G1, the humans played very small roles and all the episodes were pretty much focused on the Transformers themselves. Some of the humans in the movies had purpose, like Sam for example. I agree that Mikeala had absolutely NO purpose in either of the movies. She is just there as “eye candy.” I am relieved to hear that they are going to kill her off in the next movie (so I hear. Everyone hates her on set).
As for Skids and Mudflap, I can’t see anything likeable about these two idiots. They never did anything. We never heard from them again after Devastator climbed the pyramid. I never really saw their purpose. I don’t think anyone was TRYING to be racist when they made them, either.
I think they had Bumblebee using the audio clips because that is what everyone remembers him doing; sort of his thing, if you will. But I hope they give him his voice back sometime in the next movie, because it’s starting to get old.
I didn’t really find the fight scenes hard to follow. The colorful ones with blue eyes are Autobots, the nasty looking ones with red eyes are Decepticons. Take the forest fight, for instance. I was able to follow everything that was happening. And in the desert fight they were on two sides.
Madison….Your a fucking idiot.
I always love the irony of someone with poor grammar calling *me* an idiot.
But not as much as I love the correlation between people who defend this movie and the bad grammar in their posts.