Apr 11 2009

The Countess Trailer is…zzzzzzzz

Published by Paul Tassi at 2:17 pm under Movies

zzzzz…What? Oh! Sorry. I dozed off there for a second. Don’t get me wrong, I love costume period dramas as much as the next most definitely straight guy, but The Countess looks horrendously boring, and Keira Knightley isn’t even in it for visual stimulation.

From what I can gather an old rich woman loves some young dude, other people don’t approve and then she turns into Benjamin Button by the end of the trailer and starts getting younger. Or she just goes crazy, I can’t tell. In any case, you can count me out of this one. Hah!




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6 responses so far

6 Responses to “The Countess Trailer is…zzzzzzzz”

  1. evilcupcakeson 11 Apr 2009 at 8:41 pm

    While I agree with you, this movie looks positively snores-ville, the film is about Countess Elizabeth Bathory. She allegedly murdered dozens of young women so she could bathe in their blood to preserve her looks. When she was caught, she was walled up in a room of her castle and died there.

    This story so deserves a better movie.

  2. Mardieon 11 Apr 2009 at 9:47 pm

    Just a guess, but it looks like it’s based on the story of Elizabeth Bathory. Legend has it she bathed in the blood of young woman to regain her youth.

  3. Robinon 11 Apr 2009 at 10:39 pm

    It looks like its based on the story of the woman the Dracula myth was based on – she killed hundreds of younger woman and bathed in their blood to look younger.

    Likely slow moving and gory in any case.

  4. heathrowon 12 Apr 2009 at 1:42 am

    It looks like it’s based on Some countess chick who apparently killed like 600 women.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elizabeth_B%C3%A1thory

    I can’t believe they took the equivalent of female Dracula and made it look that boring!
    I think she was meant to have like bathed in the blood or something to become young– the real story sounds like it woulda made a kickass film.

  5. DreamWingson 12 Apr 2009 at 5:27 am

    This looks to be a really lame rendition of Hungarian Countess Elizabeth/Erzebet Bathory. In real life, she was a vampiric Hannibal Lector figure; who murdered a large number of woman because she believed bathing in their blood would keep her young. This movie fails by 1)making her heterosexual, which she most likely wasn’t and even worse 2)trying to make her sympathetic. Which is about the same as trying to make Bundy or John Wayne Gacey sympathetic. Considering she was the most prolific female serial killer of all time and was a likely co-model for the creation of Dracula. A much better idea would have been a psychological horror movie with lots of blood, T&A, and starring Helena Bonham Carter chewing the scenery along with her victims. Though a version starring Keira Knightly as an insane lesbian vampire would most definitely rock too!

  6. Sub-Zeroon 12 Apr 2009 at 11:38 am

    Yeah, alright this is actually who I thought it might be about. But if that’s the case how is it even physically possible to turn a true story that awesome into what appears to be the most boring movie on the planet?

    You’re all right, this deserves a way better movie. I’m surprised Eli Roth didn’t jump on this project.

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