I wish all my teachers were as interesting as the ones I see in movies.  The best I had were my first grade teacher, Mr. Hafner, who would drive any student that could complete a math quiz in less than two minutes  - and still get all the answers right - to Arby’s for lunch (nowadays that gets you fired) and Professor Diver, my law school torts professor who could explain the law through hysterical yet relevant hypotheticals.  Aside from those two, my teachers were bland and nothing like the hilarious, Draconian, or smoking hot teachers that we see in the movies.  Here are 11 teachers in movies that I thought were particularly memorable:

Mr. Garrison - South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut

In the South Park movie, Mr. Garrison is a man, but fans of the show know that he’s been a woman at times, too.  Mr. Garrison loves men, openly discusses sex with his students, and most of the time can be found with Mr. Hat on his right hand.  South Park wouldn’t be the same without the guidance of Mr. Garrison, and even Satan himself is a huge fan of Mr. Hat.

Professor Terguson - Back to School

Professor Terguson teaches Contemporary American History at Grand Lakes University and the fact that he’s a Vietnam vet makes him love Thornton Melon’s description of President Truman as a “pussy wimp.”  Kinison is a scene-stealer in this role, launching his trademark tirades at his students throughout the film.  Say it!  Say it!!!!

Mr. Hand - Fast Times at Ridgemont High

The archnemesis of Jeff Spicoli, Mr. Hand is a strict disciplinarian who teaches American History at Ridgemont High.  Even though he can be a total dick at times (like when he gives away Spicoli’s pizza to the rest of the class), Mr. Hand does care about his students, and even informs Spicoli that he’ll probably let him squeak by.  By the end of the movie, Mr. Hand is convinced that everyone is on dope.

Professor Charles Kingsfield - The Paper Chase

Kingsfield is the intimidating contract professor at Harvard Law School in The Paper Chase.  You’ve probably heard many of lines quoted or parodied, especially “You come in here with a skull full of mush; and if you survive, you’ll leave thinking like a lawyer.”  Law school isn’t a fraction as difficult as it’s made out to be in The Paper Chase, but nevertheless, having a professor like Kingsfield has got to be hella stressful.

Dr. Henry “Indiana” Jones, Jr. - Indiana Jones Movies

When he isn’t running away from giant boulders, dining on chilled monkey brains, or sipping from the Holy Grail, Indiana Jones makes money by teaching archaeology.  He seems to be a big hit with his students, especially the female ones, but even his biggest admirerers would never dream about the types of adventures Dr. Jones finds himself in when he’s out of the classroom.

Trevor Garfield - 187

It seems that trouble finds Mr. Garfield, usually in the form of unruly, thuggish students who relish scaring him and making him miserable.  After he’s had enough, though, Mr. Garfield fights back, refusing to back down to the gangsters that try to intimidate him.  I like Trevor Garfield because unlike a lot of other teachers in generic movies about reaching out and making a positive difference in students’ lives, he treats some of his students like the scum they really are.

Freddy Shoop - Summer School

Mr. Shoop is easily one of the coolest teachers ever.  He’s not the best - because at first, he doesn’t really give a sh*t about his job - but he definitely knows how to have a good time.  He approves a field trip to the beach, hosts a giant party at his home, and even lets one of his female students move in with him.  And yet, somehow, his class passes the English basic skills exam, even the guy who got his zipper stuck in the bathroom for the entire summer (in fact, I think he got the highest grade). 

Economics Teacher - Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

Credited only as “Economics Teacher,” Ben Stein’s character in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off has a memorable monotone that remains quotable even today.  I’m pretty sure Ben Stein wouldn’t be as successful as he is today were it not for his perfect delivery of “Bueller…Bueller…Bueller…”

Jaime Escalante - Stand and Deliver

Unlike the rest of the teachers in this article, Jaime Escalante was a real person.  He taught mathematics in Los Angeles for 17 years and successfully motivated his students to study hard and perform well.  I had to watch Stand and Deliver when I was in middle school, and as bad as the kids in the movie were, I don’t think Escalante would stand a chance against some of the kids I knew.  I distinctly remember one kid placed his penis on the teacher’s desk.  True story.

Professor Dave Jennings - Animal House

Professor Jennings is a very bright guy, but he doesn’t get too wrapped up in his work.  In fact, he finds Milton as boring as the rest of us do.  Have you ever tried to read Paradise Lost?  It’s brutal.  Anyhow, Jennings is a bit like Mr. Shoop, only darker: he sleeps with his students when he’s not getting them high off marijuana.  Speaking of professors and pot:

Veronica Vaughn - Billy Madison

What is there to say about the hottest third grade teacher in the world?  I mean, besides the fact that that Veronica Vaughn is one piece of ashe.  I know, from experience, dude.  Well, not me personally, but I guy I know, him and her got it on!  And yes, Veronica, you do have a nice rack.

Are there any teachers in movies that stand out to you?  How about some real life teachers from your high school or college days?  Post your favorites in the comments section!

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