Feb 23 2009
Turning any medium into a movie just isn’t a simple task. Most of the time the only form of media that works is books. Books tend to be turned into successful movies more often than anything else. Then you’ve got your musicals which rarely work. And then you have video games. I would say based on history, the chances of turning a video game into a successful movie are around 1 in a million, literally.
Has there been one decent movie based on a video game yet? Resident Evil is decent and I got a kick out of Mortal Kombat and Lara Croft. But let’s face it. Are those good movies? Not really.
And much to my dismay I stumbled across a large list of video games that are either set to get turned into movies are or delayed in production, etc etc. The point is, there’s an actual chance these things might happen which I’m strongly hoping doesn’t.
Here are five that are unacceptable
Apparently in 2004, Crystal Sky Pictures announced they were producing a film adaptation called Pac Man: The Movie that would combine live action and special effects. What in the world could this movie possibly be? Would there be actors? Who the hell would play Pac Man? And is the movie just one giant game? The Ghosts? What the hell is anyone thinking here? I could actually see a Pacman cartoon being half decent. Almost like a Popeye where Pacman is always being chased by the bad guys but then he gets his power pill a la spinach. Even his wife gets in on the action. But a movie? I cant’ imagine what kind of drek this would be.
Well haven’t they kind of tried Spy Hunter in the form of Miami Vice? Anyway it all began in 2003 when Universal acquired the rights to the 1983 game Spy Hunter. Who was to star in this movie? Duane “The Rock” Johnson. Since that time writers, directors, and anyone you could think of have been on and off the project (see story here). Most recently in May of 2007 Paul WS Anderson was hired to be the director and it’s unclear if Johnson will still be lead actor. Here’s my point. It’s been 6 years already. While Spy Hunter is a decent concept for a movie….come on. 6 years? Apparently it’s summer of 2009 but there’s no chance they’re going to come up with anything half decent.
Why, because it almost sounds like The Simpsons? I’m pretty sure whatever they come up with will more than likely make me vomit.
Again, here’s another disaster in the making. The whole fiasco started in 2003 when two producers acquired the rights which were then expired. Then Lion Rock Productions acquired the rights but has either canceled or delayed the project. Rumors had it that Samus would be portrayed by Michelle Rodriguez. Albeit it was an April Fool’s Day hoax, saying that alone is dangerous enough. For a game franchise that’s been so successful, I personally think even attempting a movie can bring you nowhere but down. Just let the game live on and don’t ruin it like the other 99% of video game turned movie releases.
So the first Doom was good? You’ve gotta be sh*tting me.
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