This 17 Again poster is representative of everything I wasn’t when I was 17.  What gives?  The poster implies that it would be great to be 17 again and that it was a time of freedom and fun.  That couldn’t be farther from the truth for your humble Madison.  Let’s count all the things that made 17 such a memorable age for me:

1. Had yet to see a breast in real life;

2. Was forced to pick up dog poo with my mouth by four senior football players;

3. Was caught masturbating by my mother; couldn’t look her in the eye for over two months;

4. Same as number 3 above, but replace “mother” with “grandmother” and “couldn’t look her in the eye” with “she slipped into a coma.”