Do you know who Amber Heard is? Me neither. Oh wait, she was the annoying girl from Pineapple Express. Well, it turns out she’s about to be much more than that, as she’s just been recruited to star opposite Johnny Depp in The Rum Diary, which despite what it sounds like, is not some sort of Pirates of the Caribbean spin-off about Jack Sparrow getting into the rum-smuggling trade.

Originally Scarlett Johansson was being considered for the role, but when she found out it required oodles of nudity, she cooled off on the idea. Amber Heard, on the other hand is all about getting naked, (she’s done so in previous films, Google that yourself), so she swooped right in and got the part.

Sure it’ll be fine seeing Amber in the buff, but can you imagine if ScarJo had taken the role? Box office receipts would have tripled as one of the last major actresses not to have done a nude scene would have fallen. Then we’d only be left with Jessica Biel and Jessica Alba, who I would promptly cast in my new movie, Naked Girls Named Jessica.

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