I’m not going to pretend like I saw the original Slap Shot from 1977, because I like hockey almost as much as I like the 70s, but even I can recognize when a travesty is being committed. The film stars Paul Newman as the coach of a bunch of miscreant hockey players and despite this I’m told the film is somewhat different than Mighty Ducks.

Alright it’s clear I don’t care enough about this to be outraged, so I’m going to hand over rant duties to someone older, namely Elisabeth Rappe of Cinematical:

First, it ought to be illegal to remake anything that starred Paul Newman. It’s as simple as that. He’s off limits from Fort Apache the Bronx to The Sting, and everything in between. Secondly, Slap Shot is just one of those perfect pieces of Americana — one of those grungy comedies that could only be made in the 1970s. It’s old time hockey as it doesn’t exist anymore — the days when helmets were “optional” and considered to be for wimps, and when the blood flowed freely, and guys really did wrap their knuckles in foil.

You can’t go into a hockey locker room to this day without hearing someone quote this film. Not an amateur practice goes by without at least one person sporting a Chiefs jersey. Everyone in and outside of the hockey world can quote it, everyone’s got a favorite scene … or two … or three. It’s a classic.

So you hear that producers? People are very upset about this particular remake because Paul Newman is the patron saint of awesome movies and you can’t recast him. Also, I would never want you to remake Mighty Ducks, so I can relate.