It’s February, the worst month of the year. It’s freezing, snowing and Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. What the hell could be worse? But some people like the cold, and some really, really like the cold. I made a list of the latter who have taken their love of ice to the absolute extreme. Here are the ten coolest (pun!) ice characters ever to appear in TV, movies, games or comic books.

10) The Ice Climbers

They may be everyone’s least favorite Super Smash Bros. character, but these two (kids? little people?) really knew how to get vertical, probably because of the teamworked formed by their (brotherly? sisterly? friendly? lovers?) bond. It’s probably clear I’m not too sure about Ice Climbers mythology.

9) Professor Coldheart

The good professor was the arch-nemesis of the Care Bears and really took the whole ice thing to the extreme. He lived in an ice castle, wanted to turn the whole world into ice and had sidekicks name Frostbite and Auntie Freeze (hah). But in the end the overwhelming rainbow powers of the Care Bears would stop his dastardly ice plans. ****ing Care Bears.

8 ) Frozone

Samuel L. Jackson + Ice = Frozone. That’s really all you need to know. This ex-superhero jumped back in the saddle when his friends the Incredibles were in need. I’ll be damned if I can remember if he actually ended up doing anything useful, but he’s definitely mastered the art of chilling drinks.

7) Captain Cold

Sure he’s a bootleg Mr. Freeze, but he’s kind of awesome because his costume is absolutely absurd, and he fights the Flash, the second lamest hero in the Justice League after Aquaman. I suppose he’s a good enough challenge for the Flash, presumably being frozen does not allow you to go fast, but I think I saw something where the Flash can vibrate his molecules to melt ice, so Captain Cold is probably SOL as an effective supervillain after that discovery.

6) The Ice Truck Killer

He may not have any cold powers of his own, but serial killer Rudy Cooper got this icy nickname for his M.O. of chopping up his victims in the back of a refrigerated ice truck (helps with the blood flow). After it was revealed he was Dexter’s brother, he found himself strung up and draining from the neck in his own chilly lair.

5) The White Witch

Winter is awesome in many respects, but forever? And with no Christmas! ****ing lame. But that’s exactly what the nasty albino queen of Narnia had planned, until Jesus Aslan came back and kicked her ass. Kind of where the term “Ice Queen” comes from which we now use to classify bitchy girls at bars.

4) Jack Frost

He’s an evil snowman! That kills naked girls! Come on! And don’t confuse him with the Michael Keaton or Martin Short variations, or he’ll eat you. Because he has teeth. Even though he’s a snowman. Why didn’t anyone think of just turning the thermostat up?

3) Mr. Freeze

Classic Freeze only, do not mention Arnold Schwarzenegger here please. Not hockey playing glow in the dark minions. Ugh. Mr. Freeze was a damn cool villain, and always made for a good few episodes in the classic animated series and in the comic books. Did he ever actually get his wife out of cryo-freeze? I hope so, he earned it.

2) Iceman

He has by far the coolest ice powers of anyone on this list, if we’re talking about the version that isn’t angsty Shawn Ashmore that is. He has an ice surfboard, can throw razor sharp icicles and can even make himself gynormous by adding extra ice to his body. He’s one bitchin’ X-Man, and every else needs to stop ripping off his powers (looking at you Heroes).

1) Sub-Zero

Ah, my namesake, in case you hadn’t noticed, and yeah I’m giving him the number one spot because I’m biased. He’s everything an Icy badass should be. He can freeze you, melt you and as an added bonus, rip your spine from your body. Way, way cooler than Smoke or Reptile or even Scorpion (yeah I said it) he’s probably the most classic Mortal Kombat character to date. Until they remake the MK movie and he’s played by Jason Statham or someone.

If you mention Tracy from Heroes, you obviously haven’t read this article.

Share

More Unreal Posts

• The Science of Watchmen
• A Cool Gallery of Heroes Fan Art
• Heroes Season Premiere was Two Hours of Pain, Inanity
• Battle Royale: Heroes vs. X-Men
• T-Bag Coming to Heroes Next Season

Trackback URI | Comments RSS