Jan 28 2009

Battle Royale: Gossip Girl vs. The O.C.

Published by Paul Tassi at 11:00 am under Battle Royale, Television

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When if first debuted, Gossip Girl was decried as an O.C. clone by fans of the recently deceased series. And as the show progressed the characters seemed to mimic their west coast counterparts pretty damn closely. But ultimately which show did the best take on each archetype? That’s what I aim to find out in this edition of Battle Royale.

Round 1: Serena Van der Woodsen vs. Marissa Cooper

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The Same: Rich party girls who lead lavish lives to the point of excess, haunted by their past mistakes, have a troubled home life and a rather slutty mom. Fall in love with a boy from the bad part of town and begin a cycle of dating and breakups that last forever.

The Difference: Serena only used to be super ****ed up, now she’s cleaned up her act while Marissa is ODing or shoplifting every other episode. She’s out of control to the point where it becomes annoying for the show to keep having to use her insanity as a plot device.

Who’s Hotter: All girls think Serena is gorgeous, but despite her skinniness Marissa is the more breathtaking of the two.

Winner: Serena (GG: 1, OC: 0)

Round 2: Dan Humphrey vs. Ryan Atwood/Seth Cohen

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Yes, I’m using both, watch how the Seth/Ryan pieces amalgam into Dan.

The Same: Poor kids from a part of town that all the prep school kids scoff at (“Brooklyn?” “Chino?”). Has a sharp wit and a propensity to punch people in the face if the situation calls for it. Kind of a loner until he starts dating the rich, troubled girl at school where all her friends sneer at him for the way he dresses.

The Difference: Well, Seth and Ryan are two people obviously, and even though Gossip Girl felt that combining them into one guy was a good plan, I think they work better as a tag team. You can’t be witty and brooding, geeky and a brawler, it doesn’t work like that.

Who’s Hotter: Dan, sorry Ryseth.

Winner: Ryan/Seth (GG: 1, OC: 1)

Round 3: Blair Waldorf vs. Summer Roberts

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The Same: Best friend of the girl dating the poor boy, constantly sneers at his appearance and background until they finally learn to live with each other. Is a social leader at school and commands the respect of all those who cross her path.

The Difference: Summer started dating Seth and subsequently stopped being interested for three seasons. Blair is constantly forming new plots against those who have wronged her, and she always, always wins.

Who’s Hotter: Survey says Summer, even though it’s close.

Winner: Blair (GG: 2, OC: 1)

Round 4: Nate Archibald vs. Luke Ward

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The Same: Rich kid at an ultraprep school. Has a knack for causing controversy by hooking up with people other than his girlfriend, including much older women. Has a dad with a terrible secret that ultimately tears the family apart and causes him to be mocked and beat up by other kids.

The Difference: Nate isn’t a bully, Luke is. Although he comes around eventually, Luke is the classic prep school foil, where Nate is a ladies man who’s never so much as punched someone and is mainly eye-candy for the show.

Who’s Hotter: Both are pretty much Abercrombie models, but Luke is a bit too cro-magnon. Nate takes it.

Winner: Luke (GG: 2, OC: 2)

Round 5: Chuck Bass vs. Oliver Trask

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The Same: Dressed in the latest hyperprep fashions, has parents whose fortunes dwarf the other rich kids at school, but he’s emotionally neglected and ultimately develop deep sociopathic tendencies that culminate in an almost-suicide.

The Difference: They really are exceptionally similar, but Chuck is likable, despite his appetite for the destruction of all those around him. Oliver’s plotting was just creepy, but when Chuck sets a scheme in motion, it’s downright poetic to watch it unfold.

Who’s Hotter: Chuck, in like the same way that the Joker is hot.

Winner: Chuck (GG: 3, OC: 2)

Round 6: Jenny Humphrey vs. Caitlin Cooper

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The Same: Little sister that rebels against her parents. Constantly causes older men to fall into temptation with her hotness, but ultimately doesn’t do anything over too the line. Such a tease.

The Difference: At least Jenny does something. She may have gotten all angsty with her bangs and eyeliner, but at least she’s dropping out school, becoming a fashion designer and leading a relatively exciting life. I can’t name one interesting thing Caitlin did on The O.C. besides magically age six years overnight.

Who’s Hotter: Without her bangs, Jenny. Otherwise, Caitlin.

Winner: Jenny (GG: 4, OC: 2)

Round 7: Rufus Humphrey vs. Sandy Cohen

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The Same: The prototypical “cool dad” who dishes out sage advice, but sometimes fails to live it himself.

The Difference: Rufus is a divorcee and has way too many unresolved issues of his own to be the kind of effective parent. He’s in love with his ex, can’t control his daughter, he’s a mess. Sandy, in contrast, is the picture of cool, and oh, those eyebrows.

Who’s Hotter: Rufus, despite (or in spite of) Sandy’s eyebrows.

Winner: Sandy (GG: 4, OC: 3)

Round 8: Vanessa vs. Theresa

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The Same: The former hometown fling of the poor kid. Gets involved in his life again and makes his current rich girlfriend jealous since they’re both from the hood. They reunite briefly, but ultimately decide things can never be like they were and decide to remain friends.

The Difference: Theresa got pregnant, in the first season. They’re not supposed to pull a stunt like that until season three at least. But that being said, her character had more of an emotional impact on the show, where Vanessa pretty much has no purpose whatsoever.

Who’s Hotter: Vanessa is ****ing gorgeous. That is all.

Winner: Theresa (GG: 4, OC: 4)

Round 9: Lily  Van der Woodsen vs. Julie Cooper/Kirsten Cohen

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Another combo, stay with me.

The Same: A divorcee who has the propensity to go through men like candy. Her past mistakes haunt her to this day, and even though she cares for her family, often puts herself first. Sometimes she does manage truly motherly instincts however, and is forever in love with poor guy’s Dad.

The Difference: Well, this is another two people one, so there are many points where they differ. Lily is just very schizophrenic, to the point where you can’t really understand her motivations at all. One day she’s happily married, the next she’s off trying to band her fling from 20 years ago again. Julie and Kirsten might be different, but at least they’re relatively constant.

Who’s Hotter: Julie and Kirsten for sure, even individually.

Winner: Julie/Kirsten (GG: 4, OC: 5)

Round 10: Howie “The Captain” Archibald vs. Jimmy Cooper

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The Same: A father of spoiled rich children who ruins his entire family’s reputation through sordid business deals, eventually causing them to lose their home and their wealth entirely.

The Difference: Jimmy is more of a whiny bitch, whereas the Captain thinks he’s some sort of drug lord by running away to South America to escape his problems and has a completely “I don’t give a ****” attitude about the whole thing.

Who’s Hotter: The Captain, love that porn stache when he gets back from down south.

Winner: Captain (GG: 5, OC: 5)

Round 11: Bart Bass vs. Caleb Nicol

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The Same: Real estate mogul who is exceptionally cruel and mistrusting, even investigating his own family members’ pasts. Ultimately dies and has a lavish funeral where everyone wonders how his business will be divided up.

The Difference: Bart is like a robot, whereas Caleb is like an evil robot, much more exciting to watch. He’s a bastard, but fun to watch, whereas Bart is just boring as hell, and downright nasty to poor Chuck.

Who’s Hotter: Caleb the silver fox.

Winner: Caleb (GG: 5, OC: 6)

So The O.C. takes it by one, in a surprisingly close match. Honestly, The O.C. was twice the show that Gossip Girl is (at least in its early seasons) in terms of writing, plot and direction, but GG does boast some pretty strong characters. I mean, how can you compete with Chuck Bass? Not possible. The show is only in its second season, and The O.C. started to waver during season three before it dropped straight off a cliff in season four. Let’s hope Gossip Girl can avoid such a fate. Could it be the first show ever to escape the infamous college curse? That remains to be seen, but until then we’ve got one last semester of senior year to enjoy.

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10 Responses to “Battle Royale: Gossip Girl vs. The O.C.”

  1. TRadinaon 28 Jan 2009 at 4:19 pm

    I watch GG on mute to gaze upon B Lively’s tattays…other than that I’m not sure of the content of the show..

  2. revisingprouston 29 Jan 2009 at 12:41 pm

    Gossip girl wins in my book.

    Round 1: Marissa (OC 1, GG 0)
    Round 2: Seth/Ryan (OC 2, GG 0)
    Round 3: Blair (OC 2, GG 1)
    Round 4: Nate (OC 2, GG 2)
    Round 5: Chuck Bass (OC 2, GG 3)
    Round 6: Draw - both annoying (OC 2, GG 3)
    Round 7: Sandy (OC 3, GG 3)
    Round 8: Vanessa (OC 3, GG 4)
    Round 9: Lily (OC 3, GG 5)
    Round 10: Jimmy (OC 4, GG 5)
    Round 11: Caleb (OC 5, GG 5)

    But, wait, you say it’s a tie? No way. Kristen Bell’s “xoxo” pushes Gossip Girl over the edge.

    Rounds that could’ve made me change my mind?

    Anna (http://oc.wikia.com/wiki/Anna_Stern) v. whose that artist Serena dumped in Argentina (Aaron?)?

    Taylor Townsend (http://oc.wikia.com/wiki/Taylor_Townsend) vs. Penelope Shafai (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2850994/)

    Marissa’s female love interest vs. Georgina (Michelle Trachtenberg)

    Eric Van der Woodsen & Dorota are also awesome but i’m too tired to think of O.C. equivalents right now.

  3. Samieon 31 Jan 2009 at 3:58 am

    Hey, Seth Cohen was God! And Bass is his baby Jesus!

  4. Miaon 15 Feb 2009 at 2:09 pm

    I’m sorry, but The OC rules Gossip Girl.
    The OC dealt with real issues in todays world, unlike Gossip Girl which is all about, well, gossip. Plus I think the OC is way better because of Seth’s humour, and because The OC makes fun of itself (teen dramas).
    I don’t know, its just that The OC was funner to watch and IS funnier, and Gossip Girl has almost no humour, and is not as fun to watch cause all it BASICALY is is dating. And gossip.
    The only bad thing about the OC was that Kaitlin Cooper aged very quickly.

  5. Domenicaon 21 Feb 2009 at 2:30 pm

    Round 1: (Oh God, this is tough. They both suck.)
    Serena (OC 0, GG 1)
    Round 2: Ryan/Seth (OC 1, GG 1) (Though this is unfair, seeing as you’ve teamed the two together. Individually, Dan beats Seth. Just not Ryan.
    Round 3: Blair (OC 1, GG 2) (I mean, it’s not even a competition. Though Summer is cool).
    Round 4: Nate (OC 1, GG 3) (Though I do hate Nate. SO much. But he’s hotter and if Lily’s schizo then Luke’s totally bipolar)
    Round 5: Chuck, Chuck, Chuck (OC 1, GG 4)
    Round 6: Ugh. Who cares. (OC 1, GG 4)
    Round 7: Sandy. (OC 2, GG 5)
    Round 8: Theresa (OC 3, GG 5) (I mean Vanessa is just … one of the worst characters in TV history. Though I did sit around waiting for the whole Teresa storyline to just freaking end.)
    Round 9: (This is SO tough. I mean, not only are Julie/Kirsten like my favorite characters on the O.C. but I love Lily to pieces. She’s so tied with Blair for me.) Lily (OC 3, GG 6) (Only because I think it’s totally unfair to put them TOGETHER, because individually Lily beats both … but together)
    Round 10: Jimmy (OC 4, GG 6) (The Captain is SO freaking annoying. And like, the worst dad ever.)
    Round 11: Caleb (OC 5, GG 6) (Even though Robert John Burke is SO the better actor. But Caleb didn’t get in the way of my favorite couple so …)

  6. Karaon 08 Mar 2009 at 5:02 am

    Gossip Girl, hands down.

  7. Kittyon 01 May 2009 at 3:35 pm

    Gossip Girl why?

    #1-CHUCK BASS!!!!!
    #2-Blair Waldorf!!!!
    #3-Gossip Girl Herself!!!

    Enough said.

  8. Gloriaon 20 May 2009 at 12:40 pm

    you guys are stupid if you think gossip girl is a better show.
    gossip girl+dull, boring show. “hot” characters,gossip, unrealistic(who would actually waste their time stalking people and writing up garbage? if someone wrote any garbage about me i’d beat them up, just a liitle:) )
    the oc-funny,realistic, real problems, mocks teen shows(but around season three it became everything it mocked, which kinda sucked)

  9. political opinionon 25 Jun 2009 at 9:47 pm

    I for one liked The OC better than any of the teeny bopper tv slots on air today.

  10. zz1986on 06 Aug 2009 at 6:28 pm

    olive/chuck similarities: do you mean sociopathic tendencies instead of sociological tendencies. that would make a little more sense.

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