When I was a kid, my sister and I loved the series Faerie Tale Theatre.  Hosted by Shelley Duvall, each episode was a live-action fairy tale come to life with the help of some very talented actors and directors.  When you’re a kid, you don’t appreciate the star power of an actor, as you can only relate to the characters.  For example, there’s no Christopher Reeve, just Superman.  My sister bought the entire Faerie Tale Theatre series on DVD not too long ago, and I was shocked at how many big-name actors and actresses had roles on this show.  After the jump, take a look at some of the more notable performances in Faerie Tale Theatre.

The Three Little Pigs

 

As you can see from the clip above, this episode features Billy Crystal, Stephen Furst, and Fred Willard as the Three Little Pigs, with Doris Roberts as the Mother Pig.  Stephen Furst’s character is all about money, Fred Willard’s is all about getting laid, and Billy Crystal’s is the practical one.  The Big Bad Buck Wolf is played by Jeff Goldblum, who makes this episode hilarious.  Goldblum’s wolf is ordered by his wife Nadine to catch a pig and bring it home for dinner, as the Wolfs (that is their last name) are having the Coyotes over as guests.  There’s a great exchange between Buck and his off-screen, nagging wife, in a scene that was definitely tailored for adults:

Buck: You know, I was thinking, instead of a pig, how about I get a raccoon?  A couple of squirrels?

Nadine: Buck, you know Marge Coyote is allegric to raccoons.

Buck:  Good, maybe she won’t come.

Here’s a clip of Buck, threatening a terrified salesman:

Little Red Riding Hood

As opposed to Goldblum’s sarcastic, irritable wolf, Malcolm McDowell’s wolf is charming and devious.  You get the sense that McDowell is having a lot of fun with this role and forget that it’s the same guy who played the ultraviolent Alex in A Clockwork Orange.  Little Red Riding Hood is played by Mary Steenburgen, who had actually married McDowell.  Mary’s not super famous, but she’s been getting a lot of work over the years.  Notably, Mary won an Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress for her role in Melvin and Howard in 1980.

The Boy Who Left Home To Find Out About The Shivers

I had never heard of this fairy tale when I first saw this episode, but it didn’t matter - The Boy Who Left Home is entertaining the whole way through.  Peter MacNicol plays a boy who is afraid of nothing, and he spends the night in a haunted castle to discover what fear actually is.  Christopher Lee and Frank Zappa have roles in this episode, but the real star is Gary Schwartz as the Headless Man.  Schwartz is a great physical actor and unleashes an impressive howl at the end of the above clip.  I didn’t find the Headless Man scary when I was younger; he was funny if anything.  It was another one of Gary Schwartz’s roles - Bravo Fox on Zoobilee Zoo - that absolutely terrified me.  He’s the creepy Fox at the top of the pic below.  Seriously, check out his pedophilic gaze:

Cinderella

Jennifer Beals is a total babe and made for a great Cinderella.  Matthew Broderick played the prince, and Jean Stapleton played the Fairy Godmother.  Cinderella’s two evil stepsisters provide the comic relief in this episode.  The clip above shows a scene where fat ass Bertha (is there anyone named Bertha who isn’t fat?) has a corset dangerously tightened around her lumpy, gelatinous body.  Uch.

Aladdin and His Wonderful Lamp

This episode featured sci-fi legends James Earl Jones and Leonard Nimoy, but most notable is that it was directed by Tim Burton.  You can see Burton’s style in the structure of the hallway in the above clip.  It’s very Beetlejuice-esque.  All that’s missing is Helena Bonham Carter (Yes, I know she wasn’t in Beetlejuice, but she seems to be in almost every other Burton flick).

Pinnochio

Ina dis a clipa, we hear some over da top Italian accents.  It’s tough to watch without anticipating Gepetto exclaiming “That’s a spicy meat-a-ball!”  This was one of my favorite episodes as a kid, and Paul Reubens (Pee Wee Herman) is brilliant as the wooden boy who wants to become real.  His dance on stage with the Cat and Fox (played by James Belushi and Kramer Michael Richards) is something I have imitated for years.  Don’t knock it, that sh*t got me laid at a Bar Mitzvah.  Holla!

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