Nov 13 2008

TV’s Eight Greatest Bald Guys

Published by Paul Tassi at 10:02 am under Lists, Television

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McCain lost the election, leaving bald men everywhere disappointed that their leader wouldn’t be representing them. There have, however, been many memorable bald men in the public eye who they can look to for inspiration. Unfortunately, not all are prime examples of manliness and strong moral character.

8 ) George Bluth – Arrested Development

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George Bluth Sr. was the not-so-beloved patriarch of the Bluth family during the short lived days of Arrested Development. He had a twin brother with a “mane” for a head of hair, which he promptly shaved so he could switch places with him to get out of jail. Oh brotherly love.

7) John Locke - Lost

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John Locke isn’t exactly as concerned with his missing hair as he is with finding enlightenment and answers about the island. Great thinkers are always bald: Buddha, Gandhi…midde-aged Jesus.

6) Kevin – The Office

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To be fair, Kevin is more though of as “the fat guy” or “the dumb guy” around the office, rather than “the bald guy.” That just happens to be an unfortunate bonus.

5) Mr. Garrison – South Park

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Throughout the many seasons of South Park, we’ve learned that Mr. Garrison has been bald since childhood, and even retained the look when he changed sexes. Maybe wigs irritate his scalp?

4) Tony Soprano – The Sopranos

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Guess how many people ever made a crack about Tony Soprano being bald? Zero. And if anyone did, they probably found themselves in pieces in the nearby freezer soon after.

3) Jean-Luc Picard – Star Trek: The Next Generation

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Captain Picard made baldness badass during his years aboard the USS Enterprise. A fearless leader and a commanding presence on the bridge, he proved that you don’t need hair to get respect.

2) Homer Simpson – The Simpsons

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Homer Simpson gives bald guys everywhere a bad name as fat, lazy, idiotic slobs. But a fun fact about him, from the right angle, what little hair he does have (along with his ear) spells out “M G” after his creator Matt Groening.

1) George Costanza - Seinfeld

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Everyone looked at Jason Alexander as the short, balding George Costanza and said, if he can do it, why can’t I? But sadly, most short, pudgy, bald guys won’t pull seven figure salaries. George himself wasn’t exactly an inspiration, but it’s who most people will cite if you push them to name someone follicley challenged. He’s a weasel, a liar and an all around terrible human being, and now it’s up to you, real world bald people, to prove the stereotype wrong.

Honorable Mention: Lex Luthor - Smallville

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Sorry, but it doesn’t count if your hair fell out from Kryptonite poisoning.

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6 Responses to “TV’s Eight Greatest Bald Guys”

  1. Pat Hulseron 13 Nov 2008 at 10:54 am

    What about Kojack?! He singlehandedly brought the bald is beautiful culture to the boob tube…

  2. […] women drink Guinness: It’s science -TV’s 8 greatest bald guys -Ashley Greene in various stages of undress -A collection of guys looking awkward in photo (funny […]

  3. Aliceon 16 Nov 2008 at 1:51 pm

    Where is Colin Mochrie from Whose Line Is It Anyway??

  4. Branston 29 Nov 2008 at 1:38 am

    Even though Constanza is on this list, Larry David should’ve been included.

  5. Lizon 09 Dec 2008 at 5:57 pm

    Excuse me! Chris Turk!! Turkelton!! Chocolate bear!!! so the best bald guy ever! I know JD would agree with me on this

  6. John Bon 19 Mar 2009 at 10:31 am

    my God, i thought you were going to chip in with some decisive insght at the end there, not leave it with

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