Oct 31 2008
Unreal Man Crush: Six Kick-Ass Christian Bale Movie Roles
I think it’s pretty tough to dislike Christian Bale. He’s played in some very cool roles throughout the years, and it looks like he’s going to be around for awhile. Let’s take a look at some of the great characters that Bale has portayed, including the one who influenced an entire generation of Ivy League grads to embrace elitism and fake sociopathy. Here are six of the coolest Christian Bale roles:
1. Bruce Wayne - Batman Begins, The Dark Knight
It’s so weird to meet someone who hasn’t seen The Dark Knight. Like, aren’t they curious? Are they trying to prove some emo-nonconformist point to themselves? Whatever, it’s their loss. Bale plays a better Bruce Wayne and Batman than anyone else, but I think a lot of that is thanks to Chris Nolan’s take on the character. Either way, Bale is very convincing as super-wealthy public figure that dresses up at night like a bat to fight crime, which is not an easy task. Still, I rank it below the time I convinced Jessica that her kid wasn’t mine. That was acting - I stole that scene!
2. John Connor - Terminator: Salvation
I’m going to go ahead and predict that Bale is going to give audiences a very genuine John Connor. I keep telling myself that Bale is at a stage in his career where he’s not going to take roles in sh*tty movies and that Terminator:Salvation will be closer to the first two movies and nothing like the third. I also keep telling myself that four inches is average, so take my optimism with a grain of salt.
3. Patrick Bateman - American Psycho
One of my favorite books. The movie is pretty different as far as tone, but that’s fine - it’s damned funny. Everyone, including Bale, is such an over-the-top douche in this movie, which makes it very rewatchable. The business card scene kills me everytime. Not long after this movie came out, well-to-do white kids making bank started drinking J&B on the rocks and buying facial scrubs in homage to Patrick Bateman. I kept it simple and stuck to murdering homeless people. It’s awesome; the cops stop investigating after about a week or so goes by.
4. Alfred Borden - The Prestige
Like Leo for Scorcese, Depp for Burton, and Biehn for Cameron, it seems as though Bale is a muse for Chris Nolan. In The Prestige (the genius of which is the structure of the film - it is itself a three-part magic trick), Bale plays magician Alfred Borden. His rival, Angier, seeks the help of Tesla to help create a true magic trick. With Tesla’s machine, he is able to duplicate anything, including himself. It ultimately seals Algier’s fate, however, and Borden is left to have the last laugh. What would you put in Tesla’s duplication machine? Money, obviously. Maybe Scarlett, too. Oh, and myself, but just for sexual purposes.
5. Quinn Abercromby - Reign of Fire
I am pretty sure this movie was panned, but seriously - people fighting dragons rules. If someone made a romantic comedy starring Hugh Grant and Jennifer Aniston and in that movie, Hugh and Jennifer watch a scene from a movie that has a people-dragon fight scene, I would strongly consider seeing that romantic comedy. Even a meta-people-dragon fight scene is alluring to me. And so, by association, Bale’s portrayal of Quinn Abercromby - a person who fights dragons - rules. I have never jacked off to Jennifer Aniston in my life, by the way. I just don’t see the appeal.
6. John Preston - Equilibrium
After a Third World War, the government drugs its citizen to suppress emotions. Not one to bow down to the man, John Preston leads an effort that eventually results in the government’s destruction. Preston is also crazy good at Gun Kata, a type of gun-fighting martial art that proves pretty useful. In our time, my nine be just fine. Get money, F bitches, smoke trees. Wisdom.
Honorable Mention - Trevor Reznik - The Machinist
Yo machinist’s so skinny, he’s got to run around in the shower to get wet!
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What a bullshit list, you include Reign of Fire and Terminator Salvation (a movie that hasn’t even been released yet) while leaving out Harsh Times and relegating the Machinist to an honorable mention?
@Danny M
I think the role of John Connor is pretty epic. Everyone knows who John Connor is; he’s a part of our pop cultrue.
@Madison
You know who else was pretty epic? Darth Vader. But we all know how that turned out. Don’t get me wrong, I think Terminator Salvation is going to kick ass, and Bale’s performance as John Connor will nothing short of amazing, but ranking it as a “Great Christian Bale role” before we’ve seen anything is just silly.
Equilibrium was an awesome action movie, how could it not be with gun martial arts? But John Preston is a cookie cutter character whose only purpose is to look cool killing everyone on screen. That’s not Bale’s fault, it’s the script.
Reign of Fire’s in the same boat as Equilibrium. Great action movie, not such a great role.
It seems like you just picked out the roles he’s best known for and then summarized the movies, inserting lame quips every now and then.
Besides Harsh Times and the Machinist, you left out Rescue Dawn, and 3:10 to Yuma, the last being the only studio movie not on your list. They’re all good movies, but more importantly they’re all great Christian Bale roles.
@Danny M
The list certainly wasn’t meant to be all-inclusive. I didn’t pick his most famous roles; I picked six that I found particulalry intriguing. It’s subjective.
And your point about Darth Vader is misplaced. It’s an awesome role for anyone to have, even if Hayden sh*t the bed while portraying him. Same goes for John Connor - it’s the character that is so great. I mean, what actors can put Bruce Wayne AND John Connor on their resumes? Pretty solid. Almost as good as Ford playing Han Solo and Indy (upcoming article?).
So yes, I “left out” certain roles, and some of those may be worthy of a “top Bale roles” list or something, but that wasn’t really the point of this article. It’s just a fun homage to Bale.
Thanks for reading, and don’t take omissions so seriously. Like I said above, this list is subjective.
@Danny M
And “lame quips?” That just hurts, dude. You’re breaking my heart.
FYI: Harsh Times is a shit movie. Possibly the only shit movie staring Mr. Bale.
I don’t know if it’s because of Bale or the script, but Batman turned out to be a boring character in TDK, leaving me unimpressed with this actor. Equilibrium was also pretty bad.
@Adam - agree with TDK comment. I think it’s because other actors were so great though and the movie as a whole was quite depressing. Amazing movie, just left you leaving the theater feeling like crap.
The Machinist is his best film in my opinion not an honorable mention by far. Him losing all that weight just to play a role is just pure devotion to his character. Also I disagree with you about Reign of Fire , dragons are cool but, the ending with jumping with an Ax to kill a dragon was just plain silly to watch.
American Psycho is a classic though , a great script and well directed, one of my favorite films.
Equilibrium is one of the best movies ever, IMHO. The amazing gunfights aside, the way it depicted enforced drug use to pacify the population was terrifying. One of the best scenes that Bales has ever had is where he tears down the plastic coating over his window, watching the rain come down and make the normally stoic and gray cityscape glow as tears run down his face realizing how much they had given up to maintain “peace”.
how could you forget him in the newsies!
kind of crazy how you put his role in a yet-unreleased movie on the list, but completely shut out little Jamie Graham from EMPIRE OF THE SUN. This was kid Christian Bale making grown men cry, in an epic war movie no less!
Nice list, laughed my ass off over the homeless people quip. Anyhow thought you should have included Howl’s Moving Castle. Bale might not be a badass in it but most girls (myself included) melt for the movie.